John Tustin

She Looks Down and Laughs

She looks down and laughs
They look down and laugh

–While we thirst below with our dying tears–

From their perches above the sun

She looks down and laughs

They look down and laugh
At me at you
All of us deserted down here
With our sadnesses
And our ragged shoes
And our no love

She is pointing and laughing
And they are laughing with her

Her voice cuts right through
A laugh soaked in blood
In guts and blood

They all laugh and laugh
Laughing at us

Laughing from their perches

Their perches above the sun

Paul Tanner

the good pleb’s war on (more) drugs 

we, damn us, we
don’t ask for much.
we literally 
break our backs at work 
and like good plebs
we haul our broken backs 
to the pharmacies 
and we neck the cough syrup 
we pop the pill
we snort the mint 
and then we get back to work. 
and we break our backs some more 
until we dare to pester the doctor:
a middle man 
who won’t operate on the cause 
but graciously scribbles on a notepad 
thereby giving us his permission 
to buy more drugs
for the symptoms: 
more drugs,
better drugs,
hell – the SAME drugs 
but in nicer, branded boxes. 
and we thank him
we THANK him
and drink and pop and snort 
then get back 
to our back-breaking work, 
relieved that the NHS hasn’t been privatised yet.
no, seriously, we do! 
we’re the good plebs, 
us, damn us, us. 

Joseph Fulkerson

Steady as She Goes

Rise and shine
Part your hair on the left
Make sure to brush and floss
No cavities will be tolerated
Don’t want to get the dreaded
-GINGIVITIS- 

Hide your tattoos
Tuck in your shirt
and stop slouching

Eat your greens
Do your homework
Pay your taxes
Go to church

Get married and settle down
Your upside down mortgage 
not withstanding
The kiddos will need a college fund
Don’t forget the employer-matched
401k up to 6%

Embrace the two-party system
your choices being: 

-either-
-or-

It’s the same choice regardless;
death by a thousand cuts, or
a thousand little compromises

Don’t rock the boat
Keep one foot in front of the other

Careful not to say anything 
too progressive
too conservative

Wouldn’t want to make waves
make anyone feel uncomfortable

It would be a shame to tarnish 
your spotless record of never
having anything to add

Right down the middle
Keep it between the lines

You can’t hold an opinion 
so controversial 
as to upset the order of things
People may think you’ve gone 
and taken a side

You need to keep them guessing 
as to what you stand for
if anything at all

Once as a young boy 
There were two girls that liked me
both named Sarah
They called me on the telephone
asking which Sarah I liked the best
They told me I had to choose

Make one girl happy
make one cry
I was damned either way

So I chose
and have been choosing 
the wrong Sarah
ever since

Daniel S. Irwin

Self-Improvement

Well, we all look for a betterment in life,
Mainly an increase of income.
No doubt about it, ya need bucks to survive.
Workin’ for the man ain’t gonna make you rich.
Workin’ for yourself is where the money’s at.
Took some accounting classes,
Studied up on personnel management,
Looked into the lives of the rich and famous.
Gotta get the knowledge, it ain’t all from college.
Researched the market and I’m ready to go.
Sure wasn’t makin’ nothin’ as the preacher man.
That’s why I gave up the pulpit, packed away the collar,
And set out on my latest career endeavor.
I just need a wire coat hanger, a good bottom bitch,
And to keep my reference manual handy,
Yup, never know when I might need to refer back
To my Iceberg Slim’s: Pimp, The Story of My Life.

Noel Negele

Mango Woman

Last time I heard
beach bar waiters
and bartenders
were pulling her out of the waters
naked, in a manic state
her gorgeous pale skin
bare against the blue light of the full moon
and, against her will,
were dressing her with their own clothes
because her lips had turned blue
and because, as they said:
“We have sisters ourselves…daughters…”

Manic-depressive, mad-crazy, gorgeous Anna
thick black hair, straight and down to her waist,
a snake-ish body,
gift of her pill addicted diet–
her Animus perfectly engulfed by my Anima,
her Masochism hand in hand with my Sadism,
and it was so lovely for a while,
so lovely indeed, before the trouble came
before the downslide steepened.

Gorgeous, faded, mad-pussy Anna
stealing pills and all sorts of injection caps
I’m too uneducated to know about,
from the hailing ambulance taking us to the hospital
because of my lumped up skull
and my fractured ribs
because I’m the kind of stupid
to pick a fight with a wall, let alone
six to seven scumbags hitting on my beautiful Anna.

Psychotic, angry, dangerous Anna
chasing people with a knife she’s used before
because the sight of seven scumbags stomping
on her man is too much a sight to take–
and when the punks disappear like roachers
in pavement cracks
she turns her fists to street lamps until they explode
and the glass shatters into her knuckles
dousing her sexy clothes with her own blood.

Sweet, compassionate, flowery Anna
tying my shoelaces for me while I sit stiff
and nauseous in the wheeling chair in the hospital,
waiting for the results of my X-rays and angry
because I was promised mad fucking that night,
and as she kisses my shin in adoration
I tell her:

“Did you see how I dropped that first motherfucker
with a single swing? What type of man gets laid
flat on their ass like that, with a single punch? Did
you see Anna? Did you see?
Even the second one couldn’t handle me at my feet, Anna.
That’s why they wrestled me to the ground, Anna.
I wish I had another pair of hands, I’d fuck’em all up
if I just had another pair of hands, I know it, Anna.
If I just had another pair of hands.”

Clever, emotional, pharmaceutically educated Anna
arguing with the doctor
about the type of prescription I need for my rib pains.
Trying to get good drugs out of a bad situation.

“Ibuprofen and Algofren my ass.
He needs codeine and you know it.”

Soft finally, tamed, relaxed and beautiful Anna
lying next to me in a king size bed
after a long day at the police station,
feeding me codeine pills and beers
until I can barely remember who I am
let alone feel any pain in my body.

Pill junky Anna,
gobbling five to six codeine pills at the same time
after already having taken as much or more with me,
after getting fucked by me for what seemed like hours
while her heart still throbs in her chest–
finding her after my shower
with a yellow color on her face, laying there with her
tits barely moving.

Slapping her to keep her awake
because she didn’t want to go to the hospital
because she only needed me to keep her
awake for about three hours, until the danger was gone
but I kept  her up until dawn, just to be safe,
completely dozed out of my mind myself,
slapping her hard, bringing water, bringing fruits
which she sometimes took a bite out of
and half chewed for a second
before her eyes would turn sides
inside her sockets
and I’d lift her straight up, standing her on her two feet
threatening her with an ambulance phone call
to bring her back from the shadow realm for a while.

And when we finally decided it was safe to fall asleep
I put her head on my chest
and with one hand held her wrist,
feeling her slow pulse against the tip of my fingers
and with another hand around her gorgeous tits
I told her to finally sleep, that I’d watch over
her life as she rested,
and I hearkened to her breathing
and I prayed that she remained alive
because she is magnificent
and I prayed that I, myself, don’t fall asleep.

It was time to go
in the morning.
I had to go.

“I have to go” I told her
“I’m too heavy myself
to be able to lift another person.”

I hugged her and gave her half my money
because she didn’t have any homes left
to turn to–
such a beautiful woman with no friends–
imagine the bridges burned–
imagine the ways they were lit on fire.

When I limped out of the hotel
the sun was unforgiving, the heat
unbearable, and my foot
was bruised like a balloon that
barely fit in my shoe
and I walked without knowing
were to go
and the passerby’s stared at my bloated face
and at a foreign intersection I stood still
for a while, not knowing where each road would
take me.

But I knew I had to get out of there
and so I did.

I will remember the sensation
of your tiny trembling body
while I spooned you and
felt you with my hands to see
if the flame was still burning,
while I lied to you and tried to
convince you
you are strong enough to be on your own
just so I could convince my own self
that I wasn’t leaving anyone behind.

Johnny Scarlotti

Japan, 3/11/11

i go to a mansion party
oo lookielookie, there’s a pool in the backyard!
3 doofs challenge me to a 4 lap race
but 1 stipulation: they get a 2 lap head start… 
i still beat the fucking shit out of them (E Z) 
and win 15 dollars
ssthuckerthss 
that’s 15 mcchickens!!!
~DON’T MESS WITH POSEIDON, MOTHERFUCKERS!~
i pound my chest and spit a mist of water into the air 
one of them gets angry n calls me a cream faced loon
i riposte: three inch fool! 
we get broken up 
and the party rages on 
at about 4 AM i sneak off with the baddest bitch here 
take her to the masterbedroom (soO alpha)
15 minutes later 
the host is pounding on the locked door
yellin like a kook  
who in there!? get out my room! i call cops! 
i yell back just give us 10 minutes, kumquat!
the bitch laughs
AsHLeY?!?! he bellows, OpEn DoOr! 
n the bitch yells, NO
he roars COME OUT 
OR I KNOCK DOOR DOWN,
BANG BANG GUY DEAD!
just 10 more seconds, homunculus! i yell
he screams NOW!
but i call his bluff
working up to a climax… 
building… builDiNNng…
then stuff a huuge nut inside her 
ooouaaaww
could hear the man crying behind the door 
fucking loser
then i scramble out of bed 
tell her i’ll call her
slap her ass
good luck  
put my clothes back on, grab my bong,
jump out the window,
walk down the street to a motel for some sleep
————
then a bigass earthquake wakes me up
i immediately head to the ocean
the safest place 
I walk the beach
hit the bong (hhhwuhhbuhbubuhhbub)
WaKe aNd BaKe! 
most everyone else is running from the water
hmm— 
ahhhh, what is that? 
holy shizz,
is that what i think it is? 
tsunami?!
must be a few hundred feet
wwooaah
it’s b e a u t i f u l 
that’s going to fuck a lot of people up 
but not me…
I strip down
revealing a USA speedo 
I charge fearlessly 
as the wave is rolling in
I dive into it
like a hot knife through butter
sucks for everyone else hahaha
treading water, I look back and see the city
get obliterated, I beat on my chest,
best swimmer alive
michael phelps!  
I hit the bong again  
the best eva 
I’m michael phelps!
I made it!
I’m alive!

then I realize I’m in my mom’s bathtub in Califnora
it’s 2018 my name is Johonny Scalarti, i’m 30 years old
I haven’t had sex in 4, haven’t been to a party in 5—
no wait, that is untrue! untrue!!
I’m michael fucking phelps!!!! 

***

https://johnnyscarlotti.blogspot.com
https://www.instagram.com/johnnythegratescarlotti
https://twitter.com/johnnyscarlotti

Donna Dallas

Self-Proclaimed Lunacy

Watch me
run — really run on the
wheel the
hamster wheel my legs are cut up bruised and
I’m gaunt maybe I’m dead – a running corpse — I
cannot see anymore I just hear the wheel
I complete the motions naturally since
there is nothing to see – blank
a big – nothing – me
and nothing go together hand in hand
we go together like the wheel under my bloody feet
my head oozes from the rotary vibrations
blood drips from my fingertips into my
water bowl I try to
stop but
it’s an addiction how can I not yearn for
the wheel the nights slip
from me as I run and run and years
and tears and babies are boys are men and I’m still
on the wheel but now I am the wheel and the wheel
is me my bones have
replaced the metal when I crack
into pieces and finally disintegrate I pray there
will still be an electric current left from
my original dynamic
core and you’ll continue to hear it – the wheel……..
the mother fuckin wheel

Anthony Dirk Ray

A Deep Hate

Richard and Bob finished a grueling, sun-baked, slave laboring day on the job and headed to their after work watering hole. Bob would always say that whiskey and beer is the best medicine to get the taste of the day out of your mouth. They pulled on the small, nondescript pub door and it was locked. Richard pointed out a sign that read…

To our loyal customers who know Billy like family:

We regret to inform you that Billy has suffered a major heart attack. Bill’s Swill and Fill will be closed until further notice. We apologize for any inconvenience. The family has set up a GoFundMe account for any donations for his medical treatment. Please call Debra at the bar’s number for the info, as the phones are now forwarded to her. Thank you for your understanding. We look forward to serving you in the future.

“Well fuck,” Bob squawked. “What the shit are we gonna do now? I don’t want to go home and drink. The old lady and those screaming bastards are there.”

Richard, the brains of the two, said, “Just hold on man. I’m thinking.”

Richard pulled his phone out and typed, ‘bars near me’. A plethora of options appeared, with only a few within 5 miles. He scoured the listings near the top and said,

“Bingo.  Todd’s Place is only a mile away. It says that they have beer specials and their happy hour doesn’t stop until 7 p.m. I say we go there. Whatcha say?”

Bob looked at him with wide eyes and exalted,

“Shit, all beer is special to me, and if I’m drinkin, then I’m happy. Let’s go.”

They each pulled up to Todd’s Place. It was a fairly unremarkable establishment on the edge of town with hardly any cars out front. The two headed in. When they opened the doors, classic rock was playing and a haggard blonde woman was tending the bar. They took a couple of empty stools and asked about the specials that were advertised on the internet. She gave some spiel about all their beer being fresh and cheap. They ordered a pitcher of draft and started in on it. Looking around, they noticed a few men sitting by themselves at the bar, a man and woman in a booth snuggling, and two guys sitting fairly close on the opposite bar. Bob was the first to speak up and said,

“Looks like we gotta coupla blades over there.”

“Blades?” inquired Richard.

“Gay blades.”

“Don’t let them bother you Bob. Just drink your beer. Hell, I thought you were supposed to be happy. Let them be.”

“Look at them all cozied up to one another. Laughin and whisperin like some fairies. Makes me fuckin sick.”

“Stop Bob. There ain’t no need for that. Just drink up man. What’s your thoughts about Jimmy getting to run the 300 ton crane? Think he deserves it?”

Bob didn’t acknowledge Richard’s attempt to change the subject. He just kept downing pint glasses and looking at the two across from him. Richard couldn’t understand why Bob was getting so agitated. The two of them sat in silence for another fifteen minutes until Richard said,

“Hell man. I’ve had my fill. Let’s get home. You ready?”

“Naw. I ain’t done here. I got some drinkin to do.”

“You should probably leave with me man.”

“I said I ain’t done drinkin. Leave if you want to leave. I’ll seeya at work tomorrow.”

Richard hesitantly left. Bob continued stewing and slugging away at his beer. Another twenty minutes passed and Bob’s pitcher was drained. The worn blonde asked about a refill, but Bob told her that he was good. The two guys opposite to Bob paid their tab and got up to leave. Bob quickly got the attention of the disheveled blonde and paid as well. He was probably ten steps behind the two of them as they walked hand in hand, slightly stumbling, headed to their car.

“Hey queers!” Bob yelled at them from behind.

“Fuck you old man,” one of them said as he turned to face Bob. 

“Let’s just go. He’s just a dumbass drunk,” said the other, trying to pull him back by his arm.

Bob saw red and was on them both, punching, kicking, and spitting in rage. When he emerged from his frenzy, he was left standing over two bodies, both of them bloodied and bashed upon the concrete. He wasn’t even sure if they were still breathing, but he wasn’t sticking around to find out.

Once back at home, Bob washed the blood from his hands, got a beer from the fridge, and sat in silence for about ten minutes, contemplating the previous events. He walked to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He absolutely loathed what he saw. He couldn’t believe what he’d just done. Tears began to well up in his eyes. 

He then unlaced the tops of his work boots, just enough to remove them, and took off his faded flannel shirt, worn blue jeans, and dingy white socks. 

He left on the red lace thong, however. He loved how the little frilly edges tickled his ass cheeks, and how the middle string secured the buttplug in between. 

Robert Cooperman

Thomas Bickerstaff Buys Girl Scout Cookies Outside the Wild Weed Dispensary: Denver

“The Girl Scouts of Colorado have decided it’s now cool to peddle their baked goods outside marijuana dispensaries.”—The Denver Post

It’s about time, 
but they’re thinking too small,
like, well, like little girls,
and not a man with big ideas.

If it were me, and it will be,
they’d be selling all kinds 
of munchies, not just cookies, 
but brownies, marinara sauce,
and all of it laced with pot,
plus T-shirts, posters 
of pop stars in Scout uniforms, 
a button or two undone, 
to show some creamy ta-ta’s 
to appeal to stoners, 
who get so crazy on a few tokes 
they need instant gratification.

I almost feel like tossing away
the lid I just bought—or wait, 
selling it to one of these parents 
too tightly wrapped to sneak 
into the Wild Weed 
while their kids flog cookies—
to concentrate, instead, 
on creating a company name, 
logo, a marketing strategy,
and to find suppliers, designers, 
seamstresses, to make tchotchkes 
to my specifications. 

Free enterprise! Capitalism!
Selling everything to everybody!
What makes this country great!