William Taylor Jr.

The Confession

I was in North Beach just drinking and walking around.
It was a bright and lovely day with people outside doing things
and feeling generally good about the world.
A scruffy young fellow on the sidewalk
outside a grocery store asked me for a few bucks
but I only had bills bigger than I was willing to give.
I felt bad because there was something about his face
that I liked, an earnestness in his voice that struck me.
I went to the neighborhood record shop and bought 
some old Springsteen on vinyl, 9 bucks a pop, 
and when I came out I passed the kid again and gave him
the few dollars I had left.
He thanked me profusely with his earnest voice
and I told him he was quite welcome and continued on.
I was two blocks away when he ran up behind me
and touched my arm. Hey, he said, hey!
I stopped and turned and he said, 
I just wanna be straight with you bro, 
all I’m gonna do is buy a beer!
I gave him a thumbs up and told him 
that I planned to do the same.
He smiled and nodded, returned my thumbs up 
and disappeared into Big Al’s liquor store.
I went home and drank a sixer of some new 
hipster ale as I leaned back and listened 
to the Boss tell it like it was. 

Paul Tanner

pervs without sluts 

mum’s got a job in a morgue. 
she’s not trained or nothing, but they’re letting her help out
as some trainee assistant blood drainer, or something like that.
she said she’ll take me some time to watch.  
if she leaves the room to go the toilet or whatever,
I could suck a tit. maybe stick my fingers in the corpse’s fanny.
maybe more. 

jesus, don’t you have any imagination? I asked.  
wank about it if you have to. 
but you don’t have to actually do it. 

it’s ok, he said. they’re dead. they can’t fight back. 
and anyway, you don’t need their permission,
cos it’s not them anymore. it’s just a body. their soul’s gone. 

or, I suggested, you could just, you know, 
go and meet someone real and maybe charm them? 

he shook his head. you’ve got no ambition, he sighed. 

look, if it’s the lifeless thing that does it for you,
at least, I don’t know, get a mannequin or something. I don’t know. 

a mannequin! he clapped his hands. shit, of course! 
bit hard, all that plastic, like. but I can always drill holes in them 
and put like, cotton in them or something, can’t I? no, 
not cotton, fluff would stick to me bell end. what can I …

warm jelly? I proposed, before I could stop myself. 

warm jelly! genius! he hugged me. you’re a genius, you are! 
can you get me one? your shop does clothes, doesn’t it? 
they have mannequins, don’t they? you could get me one,
couldn’t you?

I didn’t say anything. 

or do you have already have one? you do, don’t you? 
you’ve already nicked one. 
that’s how you knew to use warm jelly, wasn’t it?

I didn’t say anything. 

and you can’t steal another, because then they’ll be onto you. 
well that’s ok, I can just borrow yours. what’s her name?

Rosanna, I said.  

nice. nice slutty name, that. so can I borrow Rosanna? 
I’ll put my own jelly in her. 

she left me, I said. 

he narrowed his eyes and studied me.
you’re weird, he concluded …

couple of days later, I’m walking to work 
and a car horn beeps.
I turn and it’s him and his mum.
he waves out of the passenger window. 

they on their way to the morgue? I wondered. 
wait till Rosanna hears about this. 

BLACK SUMMER, Reviewed By Mather Schneider

BLACK SUMMER: New & Selected Poems
Kung Fu Treachery Press
234 pages

Things you will not see in Wayne F. Burke’s bio for his new book, Black Summer: pronouns, accrued university degrees, editorships at magazines, grants received, where he teaches, how beautiful his wife is, how he loves gardening, the name of his cat. How he got a book published without these things in his bio, I have no idea. He has been reported.

Wayne F. Burke is 65 (going on 66) years old. He reminds me a little of Ed Galing, who wrote poems into his 90’s. When I used to see Galing in a publication I always read his poems first not because he was old but because I knew he wouldn’t bullshit me. I knew there would be no slickness or pretentiousness, no metaphors stretched out so far you forgot where they started, no look-at-me-being-a-poet, pat me on the head, junk. Just a sensitive, sometimes fucked-up, lonely person writing about the moments of his life. 

There are lots of stray hairs in these poems. Yes, Burke, like Galing, ends lines with prepositions sometimes. Yes, his endings fizzle sometimes. Yes, he’s an old cis white guy who doesn’t hide his flaws. All unforgiveable sins these days, when most poets pretend to be saints. 

Burke is no saint, and what fresh air that is:  

“I walked upstream through the 
woods, among the trees 
and rocks 
to a quiet place 
below the falls 
I took my pants off 
and sat 
in the sun 
I was having a herpes attack 
boils on my dick 
and thought the sun 
might fix me up a little
as I listened to the river…” 

One out of 6 people have herpes but you don’t see it mentioned much in poetry. Usually when a poet sits down by the river it’s to tell the reader how enlightened they are, which always somehow seems to indicate how UNENLIGHTENED the rest of us are. Why didn’t you USE A CONDOM? 

At least he’s getting laid by real women and not watching porn. He’s an old timer. Never married, though, at least not in these poems. Now that he’s retired, maybe he will meet a nice Mexican girl. 

Burke asked a “famous” poet to read his poems and wrote this about it:  

“he was known as the poet of loneliness and
was married to the poetess of bereavement.
Before leaving, I asked what he really thought of
my things, and
he said, well
they are all on the surface
no depth to them;
read other things beside literature, he suggested
like “Kramer’s book on aesthetics.”
I thanked him and he left.
I was the poet of surfaceness.”

I like that he says “surfaceness” instead of “surfaces,” as if to poke fun at himself and at the same time to make fun of the “famous” poet. Of course, the “famous” poet meant that his poems were superficial. What this means to me is the “famous” poet couldn’t see beyond the “surface” of the poems, which are not refined or polished as most poets like them to be. In my view, poems that are most polished on the surface don’t have more depth, just more make-up.     

Fighting and real-world conflict are everywhere in these poems:

Punks   

standing on the main street of Framingham, Massachusetts
holding my thumb up
in the air
and watching all the cars in the world
drive by me
and all the drivers look like assholes
to me
and a car goes past with some punks inside
and one punk gives me the middle-finger
and I turn and chase the car
as the punks point and
laugh at me until
their car slows then stops at a red light
and I gain ground
and the smiles of the punks disappear
their eyes widen like doll’s eyes
and the car squeals out and
I chase it to the
next light
and the punks in the back seat hop around
like monkeys in a cage
as I close the gap again
and the car shoots ahead
and I chase it to the next red light
which the car blows through
and I give up,
out of breath
still pissed
but not really
about 
a bunch of punks.

I thought this poem was funny and sad at the same time. Who can’t feel the desperation of this narrator, running down the street like a crazy pissed-off loser? Who hasn’t wanted to do the same? The ending lines tell us what we already feel: this is not just about surfaces.  

Burke makes me laugh. I smiled and laughed throughout this book:

Moider    

a squirrel in the park, plump
7 to 8 inches in height
svelte gray coat
attacked a girl
who later died
and the cops went berserk
guns blasting and
killed two hundred squirrels
but none of the witnesses
to the attack
could positively ID the perp
so the cops put out an APB with
an artist’s sketch of
the killer-squirrel
which brought 1000 calls
into the station house
but
as of this writing
the suspect remains at large
possibly
up a tree
or
in some hole in a wall.

Burke’s childhood poems are some of the best in the collection:

Beach    

a hot muggy day 
no one to play with 
all the kids gone 
to the beach 
Charlie Baguette told me I could go 
with him 
his family 
I ran home for my suit 
and when I returned 
they had already gone…
I climbed the tree in the yard 
and sat 
hidden by dinner-plate-sized leaves. 
I picked my nose until it bled;
meanwhile, the sky turned milky-white and 
I was glad (maybe 
the Baguette’s would be drowned 
in the coming storm). 
I climbed down and lay in the 
driveway on hot cinder 
that felt like sand; 
I hoped I got run over.
I watched a bird 
a speck 
far above 
until
it disappeared.

In another poem, the narrator child is waiting for “gramps” to come and give him a ride home from “pee wee” football practice, but gramps is late. The kid climbs a tree while waiting and someone throws a rock at him, calling him a raccoon. Kids climb trees all the time, but in this situation, it highlights the isolation of the boy. Gramps finally shows up and the poem ends with Gramps giving “a mumbled apology.” Not a very dramatic ending. Maybe Burke could have “worded” it a different way. Maybe a certain type of “line break” would have made it better. But if you’ve ever been the last kid standing, waiting for a ride home, from anywhere, you’ll understand.   

I really liked this sweet poem, “Ice Cream.” An editor would surely quip about the title and the lack of punctuation, but would that really change anything? Would that change the idiocy of pubescent kids? Would that change the innocence? Should we refine natural metaphor into over-your-head metaphor? In order to write a simple poem like this, you have to have grown old and stayed young at the same time:  

Ice Cream    

A maple walnut ice cream cone
10-cents 
at Eileen’s Dairy bar 
where Rose 
a teenage waitress 
Eileen’s daughter 
tall and slender, 
“a rose yet to bloom” 
I told Johnny Garibaldi 
who had asked what I thought 
of her 
the words coming unbidden from 
my lips 
he blabbed it 
and I regretted many times over 
a rose yet to bloom 
shouted on the street 
on the school bus 
I stayed away from Eileen’s until 
desperate for an ice cream 
pistachio, butter pecan, black raspberry
I put my thin dime 
into Rose’s hand 
and she did not say 
anything 
except 
“thank you.”

Several short poems are included in the book. I don’t know if they’re haiku or what, but I like them:

Palm Sunday—
my brother and I
whip each other with palms

and

My jacket—
hung by the neck
until spring

This is a good book of poetry. Like most books of poetry, it could be cut by a third. The problem is, every person who reads it might want to cut a different third. Not bad, for an old cis white guy who doesn’t even have a cat in his bio and probably never been to a writer’s conference in his whole miserable life.

BUY A COPY HERE

Nicole Morning

A Catalog of Dudes I Boned

I wrote a zine about online dating and I like to share it with people I’m trying to date, even though it gives me intense anxiety to do so. It’s an accurate (though fictionalized) portrait of my troubled relationship with sex and men and life, and it’s full of things I want potential partners to know about me. Such as: I’m a great fucking writer; I write about extremely intimate topics; I prefer ethical non-monogamy; I’m a slut; I don’t think slut is a bad word.

The problem is, sometimes I ​feel​ like slut is a bad word. My defiant reclamation of the title is still in process. When I got called a slut in high school, it was most definitely a bad word, used both to hurt and classify me. When other people hear me use the word to describe myself, some of them are shocked and appalled. Using the word as a shameless celebration of myself, applying the term on my own terms, is an ongoing fight.

Last summer I met this dude on social media, (we’ll call him Brad) and we started interacting a lot, and we both felt a pretty magical spark of connection. This was during early lockdown, when everyone was reeling from sudden intense isolation. We were chatting and video chatting a bunch. He’d never had such an experience with someone he met online, and he felt weird about it. I decided to make it more weird by sending him the zine. I warned him in advance of the salient & sordid features, and I said I would understand if he didn’t want to read it.

About seven minutes later, Brad texted back the following:

Oh God, this is just a catalog of dudes you boned.

Now. The zine is like 40-some pages long, so I knew he didn’t have time to read the whole thing. There’s definitely sex in it. The protagonist definitely bones a lot of dudes in it. The zine opens with a cast list of characters, many of whom get boned in the course of the zine. Do you like the way I’m repeating the verb? The stupid ridiculous high school verb? Brad is forty years old, and now I know I’ll never bone him.

The thing is, above all else, my zine is about the search for beauty and tenderness and connection. I’m generally not into fucking people for the sake of fucking. I’m sexually adventurous and I’m an inherently, unequivocally sexual being. I love sex. I love humans. I love connection. Sex in its best form, in my opinion, is beautiful human connection, even when it’s casual, often, or kinky. This is, I think, the obvious and overarching thrust of my zine.

So I texted Brad back, ​no, it’s not.​

And he replied, ​how many?

And I said, I​ don’t know​ and

What difference does it make?

And he replied, ​how many​ and

Just estimate.​

He kept pressing for a number, and the more he did, the more I squirmed internally. Shame, shame, shame.

I have no idea how many. I don’t keep count. I don’t, in fact, own a catalog of all the dudes I’ve boned.

All my favorite people like the zine, and my number one favorite lover ​loves​ the zine. His pet name for me is a (secret) phrase that includes the word ​slut,​ and he uses it with infinite affection and admiration and I love it. There’s nothing insulting about the way he uses it.

There’s also nothing wrong with people who don’t fancy sluts. Everyone has the right to choose how and with whom they engage. Everyone has the right to determine their own relationship with and opinion about their own sexual behavior. Their own.

The truly fucked up thing about Brad insisting on a number is that I could tell there was a number that would’ve been acceptable to him. In the course of the conversation, that became increasingly clear. If I had fucked under a certain number of people, I would’ve been in a morally acceptable range for him. He didn’t know the actual number, the cutoff point, but he had a general idea of how many was too many. A vague idea in his self about what was a lot and what was a slut.

Well, Brad. I don’t need to know the number to know I’m a slut. I don’t need your morals to tell me whether or not I’m acceptable to myself.

I boned a dozen dudes. A hundred. A thousand. I boned a billion dudes and I loved every minute of it.

There’s no catalog but the one kept in all the corners of my heart, all the contours of my life. Anyone who cares to know me may read it any time, just by looking in my eyes.

Daniel S. Irwin

Johnny Cash Sang

In the old song,
Johnny Cash sang that
He took a shot of cocaine
And shot his woman down.
Now, that just ain’t right.  
He musta been doin’
Something wrong.
If you do a proper shot of coke
You ain’t doin’ mucha nothin’ 
For a while.  Just kickin’ back 
Goin’ with the feelin’ and
Not even givin’ a shit that
Your woman’s no good.
Hell, you ain’t even gonna
Make it to work if you got a job.
You don’t even give a shit
‘Bout the curtains fluttering
By the ashtray catching fire.
It’s a free light show and 
When you come down enough,
You might manage to escape.
Best you can do is float out 
Onto the front lawn enjoyin’
The lay in the cool grass.
The ambulance guys come and
Give you oxygen and that
Makes you laugh just before
You up chuck all last night’s
Pizza and beer.

James Babbs


STORY TIME

Barlow lifted the bottle to his lips and took a long slow drink.  The beer was cold and he thought it tasted especially good today.  Barlow kept glancing up at the ceiling fan and watching the fan blades spinning around and around.  He lifted the bottle again and took another drink of the good beer.

Barlow had been trying to write a story but he couldn’t get the words to cooperate.  Barlow kept seeing bits and pieces of the story in his mind as if it were a movie playing on a screen but putting it into words on the page had Barlow hung up.  He decided he was better off just drinking a few beers as the heat of the late afternoon sun began to wane.

When the doorbell rang Barlow took another long drink before putting down the bottle.  He went to answer the door and found a pretty woman with long dark hair standing in front of him.  Barlow covered his face with mock disappointment. 

“Oh,” he said.  “It’s only you.”

“Ha, ha.  Very funny.”

Barlow laughed before hugging the woman and pulling her into the room.  “Gwen,” he said, “how have you been?”

“I’ve been good,” she said.

“Well,” said Barlow, “you look great.  Care for something to drink?”

“Oh,” Gwen said.  “I thought you’d never ask.”

Barlow led Gwen into the kitchen and sat her down at the table across from his place.  “I’ve been drinking beer,” said Barlow, “but I think I have some wine up in the cupboard.”

Barlow went over to the cupboard above the stove and pulled down two bottles of red wine.  “I was saving these for a special occasion but for you I’ll make an exception.”

Gwen laughed.

“Ah,” said Barlow.  “At least I could always make you laugh if nothing else.”

“Sometimes,” she said, “that’s all I needed.”

Barlow opened the wine and poured Gwen a glass.  He sat down across from her and picked up his beer.  He raised the bottle toward Gwen.  Gwen raised her glass and looked at him.

“What should we drink to?” Gwen asked.

“To death,” said Barlow.

“To death?”

“Yeah,” said Barlow.  “It hasn’t found us yet.”  He touched Gwen’s glass with the bottle and drained the rest of his beer.

Gwen took a drink of wine and smiled at Barlow.  “Is this that same cheap stuff you were always so fond of?” she asked.

“Of course,” said Barlow.  “Only the best for you, babe.”  He went over to the fridge and pulled out another beer.

“So,” Gwen said, “you been writing anything, lately?”

Barlow sat down and took a drink of his beer.  He leaned back in his chair with the bottle still in his hand.  “Now, Gwendolyn,” he said, “you know I don’t discuss my writing.”

“Oh, yes,” she said.  “I forgot.”

Barlow took another drink and studied the label on the bottle.  “I was thinking,” he said, “of writing something about two old friends.  You know, a man and a woman who’ve known each other for a long time.”  Barlow took another drink.  “Maybe they were even lovers at one time but for whatever reason it didn’t work out.”

“What happened?” asked Gwen.

“Well,” said Barlow, “maybe the man was a fool.  Maybe he didn’t know how to be in a relationship.  Maybe he had been alone for so many years it was hard for him to relate to another person.”

“That’s sad,” Gwen said.

“Well,” said Barlow.  “Maybe there was something wrong with the woman.  Maybe she was crazy or something.  Beautiful, but crazy.”

“No,” Gwen said.  “I like the other explanation better.”

Barlow laughed.  “Yeah, well, sometimes they still get together.  Sometimes, they still get together and drink and talk about old times.”

 “Speaking of drinking.  I could use some more of that cheap wine.”  Gwen turned, looking for the bottle.

“Oh,” said Barlow.  “I thought it was on the table.  I guess I left it on the counter.”

Gwen laughed.  “That’s okay.  I’ll get it.”  She got up and brought the open wine bottle with her to the table and sat back down.

“You know,” said Barlow, “it isn’t much of a story.  Something unexpected needs to happen.”

“Like what?” asked Gwen as she refilled her glass.

“I don’t know,” said Barlow.  “Maybe the man gets up and suddenly kisses the woman.”

“What if she doesn’t want to be kissed?”

Barlow took another drink of beer.  “Maybe the man gets up and slaps the woman across the face.”

“Maybe,” Gwen said, “the woman slaps the man across the face and then storms out of the house.”

Barlow held the beer bottle in front of him.  “If she was going to do that,” he said, “why’d she come over in the first place?”  Barlow looked at Gwen.  “She’s probably just sitting there, waiting for the man to kiss her.”

Gwen drank some more wine and then set her glass back on the table.  She sat there for a moment studying her hands.  “Okay,” she said.  “What if the man gets up and comes over to the woman and he grabs her and pulls her close to him?  What if he brings her face right up next to his and she can smell the beer on his breath and maybe, even, what he had for breakfast that morning?  Then he kisses her.  Not in any kind of gentle way but a really rough kiss.  Almost violent.  And then the woman pulls out a gun and shoots the man dead.”

Barlow leaned forward still holding on to the beer.  “What?”  He said.  “Why the hell would she do that after they’ve known each other all of those years?”

Gwen was touching her glass with just the tips of her fingers.  She shrugged.  “I don’t know,” Gwen said.  “Maybe it was something that had been building up for a long time and she finally just snapped.”

Barlow finished off the beer and put the bottle on the table.  His hand was a little shaky so the bottle fell over and hit the table.  Barlow picked up the bottle again.  “Hey,” he said.  “What if the woman suddenly got up and kissed the man and he didn’t want her to kiss him?”

Gwen laughed.  “Nobody would believe that.”

“Yeah,” said Barlow still holding the empty bottle.  “You’re probably right.”

Stuart Stromin

Pindick

When the Dwarf Queen first brought Pindick to the island, everyone thought he was an idiot.  No-one imagined a fool like that could be a mastermind.  He had a glassy stare, and spoke in monosyllabic mumbles, and he quickly became the object of ridicule, which was exactly what the Dwarf Queen intended.

The Dwarf Queen, it must be explained, was not the monarch of a pygmy tribe, but she was five feet tall on high heels and she did have dwarfish features, as a result of a premature birth which allowed her hands and feet to grow in the womb before the full development of her arms and legs and torso.  Her spine curved outwardly at the top and bottom (like parentheses), making her buttocks pert and round.  There was something provocative about her odd shape, and she was an insatiable flirt.  She had thick raven hair, and alabaster skin, and, if her charisma could not captivate every man on the island, there was no doubt that Pindick hung on her every word.

From the very beginning, they were rarely apart.   With a slight stoop, he always followed a few steps behind her on the promenade, where the island gypsies sold their trinkets; in a crowd, she held his hand.  They were both in good physical condition.  They made a handsome couple, even though there was about a ten-year age difference between them, and his hairline was receding.   She liked to play hot and cold with his emotions to keep him off-balance.  She seemed to read him like a fortune teller, but even the Dwarf Queen, who knew how the intricate cogs were turning in his head, could not have unraveled his scheme to take over the entire show, and, eventually the entire island.

The show was, to put it mildly, an adult themed circus.  There were exotic dancers, acrobatic contortionists who performed simulated sex numbers in the nude, and a bawdy Ringmaster, and there was a decidedly perverse edge to the program.  There were acts with cracking whips, and a girl who did rope tricks, but the stunts which the Dwarf Queen performed with Pindick would shock the audience, and keep them coming back for more.

The theater was attached to an exclusive couples-only resort on a white sand beach.  It had begun as something of a rundown striptease attraction, in a musty old burlesque house, but it became a glittering success when the Dwarf Queen put Pindick up on stage.  The Dwarf Queen loved the limelight, and, even, in the end when it was apparent that Pindick was the real star of the show, she accepted that fact just so that she could be the one to stand beside him.

Pindick was the circus clown, a sad-faced clown with a droopy mouth, a Bozo wig, and the ubiquitous red nose.  He always looked like he was about to break into tears.  He wore purple pantaloons with a ruffle, and flapped around in clown feet that gave him a bandy gait.  The premise of the act, which changed every night, and became more and more abusive, as the audience came back with a bloodlust that turned into a frenzy, was to improvise ways to torment and humiliate Pindick.

At first, it was just about throwing pies at him, while he stood helpless with that mournful look on his white painted face, but the Dwarf Queen knew no limits.  She slapped him around, beat him and whipped him, the lash cracking against any part of his body or his head.   She put a bit into his mouth, and gave him a donkey tail, and rode him around the stage, using a crop and spurs to make him trot.  Dressed in fishnet stockings, top hat and tails like Marlene Dietrich in the Blue Angel, which was her favorite picture, she drizzled honey and chicken feathers over Pindick, and invited onlookers to aim raw eggs at him until he was dripping with yolk and eggshells.  She handed out tomatoes to the first three rows, and, like a medieval mob, they hurled rotten fruit at him while he sang in a falsetto voice.  She forced his jaws open with a metallic dental device, and allowed members of the audience to pour surprise fluids into his yawning orifice.   It could have been a shot of Vodka or a glass of liquid soap, or sour milk, and, after a while, she would encourage them to shoot spitballs through a straw into the target, and then, there was a squirt gun apparently filled with urine.   

But, since this was an adult-themed show with plenty of nudity, on private property, where no-one was policing them, the highlight of the performance was to expose the clown’s genitals.  Some nights, the Dwarf Queen would de-pants him unexpectedly, creeping up behind him with a wicked smile to the spectators while he was trying to juggle, and jerk his pantaloons down with the elastic around his ankles; some nights, she would have him perform a clumsy striptease, while the men and women of the audience cawed and chanted.  As the drums rolled, there he stood shell-shocked under the probing spotlight, with his tiny shriveled penis on display for jeers and cackles, and, ultimately, brutal silence.

This was what they had all paid for tickets to witness.

The Dwarf Queen led him off triumphantly, as he pulled up his trousers and bunched the waistline in his fist.   She always had to be attentive to him afterwards, like a mother with a child, or, if the mood was right, she would keep him going as if they were still on the stage, handling him harshly and pushing his face into a backstage corner to wait for her while she went to get a drink.  She knew that after the performance, his head would be wobbling like a china plate on a bamboo pole, and she had to bring him down slowly.

By the time they were alone together in their room at the end of the long night, they spoke freely, discussed the reactions of the audience, and thought of ways they could improve the act, or new tricks to perform.  Pindick was always brimming with suggestions.  She always admired how clever he was, but no-one would have imagined it.  Even the Dwarf Queen did not realize the levels to his manipulation.

Of course, any man who called himself Pindick and who revealed his undersized member to the world had to have a sense of inner security that did not depend on factors about which other men were sensitive.  In fact, as the Dwarf Queen knew, because of how he had been raised, and because of his intellectual abilities, Pindick the clown was vain and arrogant.  He felt so superior to the spectators who paid money to snigger at him that their mockery meant nothing.  In a way, studying their responses, he was the one who was mocking them.

The customers did not see it that way though, and word of the outrageous act spread through the island, and around the globe.  People came from other hotels along the beachfront, and from towns on the opposite shore, and in the hills, and then from distant lands.  Guests returned annually to the resort, bringing new guests in tow, and business increased rapidly.  Tickets for the show were sold out months in advance.  There were masks, postcards, souvenirs and posters for sale, but the Dwarf Queen was adamant that Pindick could not be photographed on stage.   The act had to be experienced in person.  On rare occasions, before the evening performance, when Pindick was in full white-faced make-up, wig and costume, she led him along the boardwalk, and visitors flocked for photographs with their arms around him.  They always tried to pinch his nose, but she prevented them.  Little did anyone realize the sinister secret that the red spongy nose was concealing.

If anyone were paying attention, they would have noticed how alarmed the clown became when a giddy fan reached for his nose.  But the Dwarf Queen always made sure that his nose was safe.

Pindick became so popular that a second scene was added.  The clown usually appeared late in the program, just before the finale, because there really was no-one to follow him.  He was what they had all come to see, and it was the climax of the show.  The Dwarf Queen negotiated an additional fee for a sort of a warm-up teaser early in the presentation.  This kept the impatient spectators calm, and whet their appetites for what would come later.   The Dwarf Queen would not appear in the teaser, and it would be performed wholly between Pindick and the Ringmaster.

The Ringmaster was a big-bellied foreigner in a scarlet topcoat with a booming voice, and a collection of vulgar jokes and songs, which he would belt out into a microphone in different languages.  The ruse that they worked out was that he would ask for volunteers from the audience, and Pindick, making his entrance from the back of the hall, would be the one that he selected.

The Ringmaster was a natural to play the part of the bully, and he found new ways to abuse the clown each night.  He made him wear a dunce cap, used a whip to crack a playing card from between his teeth, and tricked him into sitting on a cream pie.  The clown always seemed terrified of the Ringmaster.   One night, when the crowd was insatiable for it, he hypnotized Pindick to copulate with a stuffed sheep.  He did not like to tell Pindick before the show what he was planning, but he always consulted with the Dwarf Queen in advance.

The Dwarf Queen did not care much for the Ringmaster, but she was envious of how much the spotlight shone on him, as the centerpiece of the show.  There were always allegiances and jealousies among the performers.  There were the strippers and chorus girls who idolized the Dwarf Queen like infatuated schoolchildren.  There was Jumba the circus strongman, with hairless, oily muscles, who felt deep sympathy for Pindick, and stood up for the clown long before he became so celebrated.   Jumba was always bewildered by the way that Pindick was maltreated.  There was Wanda the man-girl, who rivaled the Dwarf Queen, but they kept an easy fellowship between them.  She was called the man-girl, not because of any ambivalence about her sexuality, but because of her athletic build.  She was blonde and voluptuous, and dressed like a mythological goddess, and she did an act that was mostly about whip-cracking.  Once in a while, when her co-star had been too soused or marked up too badly from the previous night to appear in public, the Dwarf Queen let Wanda borrow Pindick, and bind him to the post.

The whip, Pindick scoffed in private, was not his specialty, but he had trained to take the lash.   What he displayed was more cerebral, the whip was mindless and barbaric.   Most of it was bluff and showmanship.  There were loud snappers which did not hurt, there were vipers with a silent bite.  The trick was that as long as the coils struck the body after the crack, the force had all been shaken out of it, and, as long as the reaction of the victim was believable, the audience would think he had been stung.  Of course, mistakes could happen, and, let’s face it, once in a while, it was deliberate.  

It was Wanda who would take Pindick to the stage on the night of his final performance.

By that time, Pindick had become such a celebrity on the island that he was not even referred to by name.  At first, people enjoyed the jape of calling out to him, because his name itself was such an insult.  But, after a while, they were uncomfortable about it, and he was called Mister Pindick, and then, it was just Mr P, and no-one dared to breathe the real name of the legendary artiste.   People pointed and nodded and whispered when he was seen.  His infamy overwhelmed the rabble.   His antics became less about his victimization than his daring.   Everyone had witnessed the show, and they all had a favorite feat which they remembered.  They always wondered what he would accomplish next.  

He never paid for a drink at any bar or a meal or a taxi anywhere on the island, and he was never kept waiting, and everything was complimentary.  The Dwarf Queen relished it, but Mr P accepted his fame with modesty, as if it was simply his due.  Offstage, he took to a stylish black pinstripe wardrobe.  He started to go around without her more and more, but they always yearned for one another when they were apart.  They could not stand to be apart from one another for too long.

This was especially true before and after the performance when they were both in their roles.  

They always used to have a few drinks to wind down after the show, but, on the night before what was to be his last appearance, Pindick could not find her, and he started to panic.  He had been in the communal dressing room backstage, removing his greasepaint and his costume, and she was not at the pool-deck bar where they usually met.  He waited until closing time but she did not come.  

He went down to the beach because, on a hot night, the Dwarf Queen liked to swim in the ocean under the moonlight, and he feared that, a little under the influence, and easy prey for the seductive tides, she might have been swept away by the backwash.  There was nothing but empty paddleboats and beach chairs with no cushions, and all the umbrellas were folded.  He heard the sound of the wind and the breakers.  The smell of salt was in the air.  He was the only one on the sand.  He stared into the black waves.

He checked their room on the ground floor.  Their bed had not been touched, everything was neat and sterile.  The soft pastel colors and the utilitarian fixtures of the hotel room made it feel like an infirmary, but for the vivid textiles of their theatrical costumes and property.   Her half-finished drink was still on the table among her make-up vials and powders, but the ice had melted.

He looked all through the resort.  No-one seemed to know where she was.  He was filled with a sense of foreboding.

It was almost four a.m. when, without even knowing why, he went up the steps and along the open corridor to the Ringmaster’s room.

The door was ajar, and he could tell that inside the lamp was glowing, and there were muffled sounds.

He tapped on the door.  “Its Pindick.”

“Come in, Pindick,” he heard the Dwarf Queen’s voice.  “I’m in here.”

He was relieved that he had found her, and he let the door swing open.

The Dwarf Queen was naked in the bed, her dwarfish body across the big buttery flesh of the Ringmaster.

“You can sit in the corner, and watch us,” she instructed.

“Yes, Pindick,” guffawed the Ringmaster, “Watch me do her.”

The clown stared transfixed, and collapsed like a marionette onto the floor in the corner, unable to take his eyes off the bed.  He could not understand why the Dwarf Queen would allow a bloated bully like the Ringmaster to use her so obscenely, and, as if to make matters more hurtful, the Ringmaster was naked in every way, except that he was wearing Pindick’s bright red nose.

“How many times has wormboy witnessed you with a real man?’ the Ringmaster asked the Dwarf Queen.

“Actually, you are the first,” she told him.

“Oh, what an honor,” he said sarcastically, as if they were all on stage doing the routine.

Pindick watched them at it, and tried to see himself from the outside, like he did when he was under the spotlight with his trousers around his feet.   The Ringmaster grunted out some taunts, but they became so absorbed in what they were doing together, that they did not seem to notice him in the corner any more.  The foreigner was too big to lie across her small child-like body, so she rode him astride, and then, he got behind her with the Dwarf Queen on all fours on top of the sheets.  She moaned with passion as he thrust into her.  The clown curled up into the corner, with his legs to his chest, and his eyes covered, but he could not stop himself from peeking through his fingers.

They finished – for the moment – and then, they half-turned their attention back to him.

He got to his feet, sliding up the wall.  “I’m going back to the room.”

“I said to watch us,” the Dwarf Queen repeated, because she never liked to be defied.

“I don’t want to watch.”  He stumbled to the doorway. “I said I’m going back to the room.”

“I will deal with you later.” she said sharply.

He went out, and, not quite realizing the strength of it, he slammed the door.

In their room, he could not sleep.  It was not the same without her in the bed.  They always slept topsy-turvy, like an endless circle, because, restless sleepers, they found they would disturb each other less through the night if they lay head to feet.   He rested on her side of the bed, his head on her soft pillow with a trace of her scent.  He knew that she had had too much to drink, but he was hollow and confused.

As day was breaking, the four walls of the room closed in like a painted cage, and he could not catch his breath, so, outside, he found a hammock between palm trees where the resort met the beach.   He could hear the sound of the waves lapping at the shore, and the hammock swayed gently.

He lay in the curve of the hammock like a fish in a net, and dozed off as the breeze rustled the palm fronds, but he kept waking to the same picture in his mind of the Dwarf Queen and the Ringmaster.   He memorized all the words that he would say to her when they saw each other.

After a few hours, he rolled off the hammock and went to look for her in their room again.  She was not there, although now, he knew where he could locate her.  He did not want to disturb her.  He guessed that she was probably trying to sleep it off.

He had no appetite, but he realized that, with little sleep, he should at least try to have some food.  She had drummed into him how to take good care of himself.

Lined up at the lunch buffet, where the performers were eating among the guests, he encountered the Ringmaster.   In baggy flannel pants, and a loose shirt to hide his paunch, and with a plate of sardines perched on his fingertips, the foreigner did not seem so intimidating.

“Mister Pindick,” the Ringmaster took him to one side, “I wanted to apologize to you…”

“No, no, no.  There is no apology necessary.  The Dwarf Queen can do whatever she wants to…”

“You know, Mister Pindick,” the Ringmaster said earnestly, “We all have such great respect for you.  We really like you.”

“I could give a damn what you think of me,” the clown said fiercely.

The Ringmaster did not flinch.  “I just wanted you to know that.”

“Look, just give me a wide berth today,” warned Pindick, “Just stay out of my way.”

“Of course.”  

“I’ll be ready for the show tonight, but keep out of my face until we get on stage.”  He caught a fishy whiff of the sardines, and suddenly felt queasy.

“I’m going to make you eat fire,” the Ringmaster said politely, “If that’s all right?”

Pindick nodded.

“There’s nothing to worry about,” the Ringmaster assured him, “There is no air in the human mouth, and it is full of moisture, so the flame will die instantly.”

“I know how to do the trick,” Pindick said, “You won’t hurt me.”

The Ringmaster set down his plate on a table, put out his broad palm, and beamed.  He held it out until Pindick shook his hand, and, the burly man wrapped his other arm around Pindick in a sweaty hug.

“Thank you, Mister Pindick,” he said, with a little bow.

“Thank you,” said Pindick, “You handled it just fine.”

At around five p.m., as he approached their room from the rear across the lawn, he saw her silhouette through the bathroom window.  She was in the shower, and the soapy water was so scalding that the steam fogged the glass.   Even though he had practiced their conversation in his head all day, he did not know what he would say to her.  He waited on the grassy walkway another thirty minutes before he went through the door.

For once, she did not seem to know what to say either, and they both mumbled hello, but they could not make eye contact.   This was the time of day when they would usually start to prepare for the evening performance.  He would fetch their drinks from the bar.  She would do her own make-up first, sitting on a stool in front of the mirror, while he waited mutely on the mat.  He would try to concentrate on his role, and lay out her wardrobe on the bed.  Then, she would get him into makeup, and his costume, and, lastly, she would apply the nose.  By the time they left for the theater, they would be in character.

But she showed no signs of beginning the preparations.

“Look,” he broke the silence at last, “I don’t think I can do the act tonight…”

She glared at him.  “You will do the act.”

“My head is not in the right space.  I am not going to be able…”

“Are we going to have a problem?”  she tried not to raise her voice.

“I don’t want to have a problem.  We have had enough problems.  I just don’t want to go on….”

“You will go on.  People are expecting you.”

“I have never missed a performance before,” he said sullenly, “They can go one night without me.”

“You will not miss a performance tonight either,” the Dwarf Queen said, her voice rising  now, “You are not sick.  You are not injured.  You don’t feel like going on, well, too bad.  How do we know you will feel like going on tomorrow?”

“I will get over myself in a few days…”

The Dwarf Queen would never let the clown prevail.  “You will get over yourself now.  You are not going to let everyone down.  You wanted to be the center of attention.  You are the number one attraction in the freakshow.  This is the price of being the star.  The show must go on.”

“I just don’t think that I can do the show with you,” he admitted, hoping to hurt her feelings.

“I am not stupid,” she declared complacently, because she had an ace up her sleeve.  “I have already thought of that.  I know you so well.“

Pindick realized she was ahead of him.  “Then, how?”

“You will do the act with Wanda.”

He liked the idea of doing the performance with the man-girl.  He did not appreciate how she always tried to compete with the Dwarf Queen, but he could not deny that there had been a spark of electricity between them whenever they had appeared together before.  It was not the same, but she had her own set of skills.   At first, it had been easy; it was getting harder and harder to do the act.  He was curious to see where Wanda might take the scene.

“I have already discussed it with her,” the Dwarf Queen continued, “And she has agreed.”

“What about the nose?”  the clown asked sheepishly.

“She knows about the nose.”

“What did you tell her?” 

“I didn’t tell her everything.  I told her that you need the nose to get into character.  She understands.”

He did not feel so isolated now. Over the years, everyone had weak moments.  Intoxicated, she had followed her impulses and now she was ashamed.  She had no reason to feel shame, he understood, she was a free spirit.  They could forgive each other for anything.  He had the feeling that despite what had happened she was still trying to watch over him.   She was always so protective towards him.  She had considered his feelings.  It would all be easy if he was wearing the nose.  

Pindick surrendered.  “All right.  I will do the act with Wanda.”

The sun was setting over the ocean, and they had not yet turned on the lamps in the room.  They gazed at one another in the half-light.

“I will prepare the nose for you beforehand.”  She softened her tone, and came closer to where he was standing.  “So, you will have nothing to worry about.”

But the Dwarf Queen would never see her partner again after that night.

Wanda the man-girl came to the room to get Pindick about half an hour before curtain.   She was wearing a tight spangled leotard, a short cape, elbow-length gloves and high shiny boots, and she had her signature whip coiled about her.  In white face paint and in costume, the clown was ready.  She took hold of him roughly.

“Let’s go, fool,” she laughed.

Pindick blinked at her vacantly, and muttered an inaudible response.

The Dwarf Queen smiled at Wanda.  “He’s all yours.  Have fun.”

“Enjoy your night off,” said Wanda.

They went out into the corridor, and the Dwarf Queen watched them leave.  Wanda strode a few steps ahead, with a swing in her hips, while Pindick waddled behind her in his clown feet with his head bowed.   

A warm breeze was stirring.  The night had fallen, and the half-moon rose over the sea.   

It was a short walk through the resort to the backstage entrance of the old burlesque house.  From a distance, illuminated, the creaky building loomed spookily against the dark horizon.  It gave him that same ominous feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Pindick took his place at the back of the theater as soon as the house lights went down.  He had never felt nervous before.  He always waited until his cue, when the Ringmaster asked for a volunteer, someone ridiculous.  Then the spotlight would sweep through the audience and discover him at the back of the hall.   At first, he pretended that he did not want to go up on the stage, and the Ringmaster would be insistent.  People started clapping and whistling, sometimes someone would give him a shove, as he gingerly went forward and up the small flight of steps at the apron.

But on that final night the Ringmaster thought better of it.  He went through the motions, and the spotlight raked the seats, and skimmed right by him.  The harsh beam of it settled instead on one of the hotel guests, a tall, thin, lantern-jawed man on holiday.  The Ringmaster called him up, and egged on by his group of friends, the volunteer did the fire-eating trick while Pindick watched from the back of the theater.

Half-relieved, half-jealous, he shuffled out through the side doors, and went backstage to wait for his turn with the man-girl.

Wanda strutted up to him as he waited in a corner of the wings, getting her face so close to his face that he could count the tiny beads of perspiration on her forehead.

“Nobody wanted to see you eat fire,” she teased, “Oh, poor little Pindick.”  Then she playfully squeezed his spongy nose.  “What on earth am I going to do to you tonight?”

A kaleidoscope of naked bodies, feathers, glitter, scenery, backdrops, trampolines and trapezes tumbled through his mind.  There was frantic circus music and laughter and applause and he imagined that he could hear the drumbeat of his own heart.   His head spun like a pinwheel.  His legs felt weak.  He saw the blurry features of the man-girl in front of him, her white teeth gleaming in a lascivious grin, but he could not focus his eyes.  He tried to catch his breath, sucking in the air through his lips.  He hardly recognized where he was.  Everything in the grand universe seemed pinpointed to the overwhelming image of the Ringmaster and the Dwarf Queen doing it.

Time sped up, and, before he knew it, he heard the Ringmaster wielding the microphone to announce the act which everyone had been waiting for, and then, Wanda was marching him out onto the stage, and he heard the crowd stamping their feet, and jeering in unison, “Pin-dick!  Pin-dick!  Pin-dick!”

The spotlight hit him, and a roar of delight came from the throng.

Wanda circled around him, in front of him, in his face, then behind him, invisible.  She prodded him, poked him, and, all of sudden, she jerked his trousers down around his ankles, and he stood exposed.

“We’re going to do the Penguin tonight,” she declared, crossing to the far side of the stage, “Let’s see you do the Penguin walk.”

Hands perpendicular to the sides, he took a few awkward steps towards her.  He saw the Ringmaster leering from the wings, his lips curved in a nasty smile.  Pindick looked around, lost without the Dwarf Queen to encourage him.  He took a deep inhalation, and, in his stupor, stumbled leadenly towards the bleary figure in the spangled cape.

It was not quick enough for Wanda.  She uncoiled her whip, and cracked it once against the hard wooden planks of the stage so that the yellow dust rose from the floorboards.

“I’m waiting for you,” she said, with a lilt in her voice, and he tried to get his legs to work faster.

Then, as he approached her, Wanda did the cruelest thing that Pindick could have imagined.

She tossed her whip aside, and before he knew it, she reached for his face, and, in a flash, she had plucked off his nose.

“No!” cried the clown.

The audience erupted with laughter.

“You want it,” teased Wanda, “Come and get it.”

He hobbled towards her, hampered by the oversized clown shoes and his trousers coiled around his feet.  She moved away as he got closer.  She tossed the phony nose from hand to hand.  She pretended that she was about to give it to him, and then snatched her hand away again as he reached for it.  She tucked both hands behind her back, hiding the nose in her fist.

“You don’t understand,” Pindick stammered, “The nose is very important….”

“It’s v-v-very important,” mimicked Wanda, “Then you had better go and get it, hadn’t you?”  She stepped to the edge of the stage, and, to the horror of the clown, flung the little red nose into the audience.

The spectators got into the game at once, throwing the nose like a ball from one hand to another.  Pindick pulled up his trousers, and clambered down the stairs at the apron into the dimly lit hall.   From the balcony, the spotlight was pointed at him.  He chased the nose, as the audience members transferred it from the front rows to the back of the house, and somehow or other, as the theater ushers got into the lark, it went out the back door, and Pindick followed his nose.

It was a spectacular exit, and the man-girl took a bow on the stage to thunderous applause.

His nose, as it turned out, would elude Pindick.

About an hour after the performance ended, the Dwarf Queen hammered on the door of Wanda’s room.

“I can’t find Pindy,” she said, when Wanda came to the door.  “He’s not at the bar, he wasn’t backstage, and he did not come back to our room.”

“I know,” Wanda replied, “He ran out of the back doors of the theater at the end of the scene, but then he was nowhere to be found.”

“How was the show?”

“Hilarious.  The audience loved it.  So did I.  He was a sensation.”

“What made Pindy run out of the back of the theater?  He has never done that before.”

“Oh, my darling, you should have seen it,” Wanda laughed, “He was chasing his nose.”

“He lost his nose?”

“I took it off him.”

The alabaster complexion of the Dwarf Queen seemed to turn a paler shade.  “That nose is what puts him into his trance.”

They heard the distant smash of glassware from the pool-deck bar.  Someone started shouting in another language.

  Wanda thought that the Dwarf Queen was about to faint.  “You’d better explain.”

“The sponge of the nose soaks up a special concoction which he inhales.”  She drew a sigh.  “He is completely addicted to it.”  She was embarrassed to say the truth, so she spoke it quickly.  “It’s amyl nitrate, a little alcohol and some powder.”

A gust of wind swept her black hair across her face.

There was a stamp of boots up the staircase.

Still in his circus wardrobe, the Ringmaster lumbered down the corridor.  “There might be a problem.”

“Do you know where Pindy is?”

“Jumba the giant said he saw Mr P running down to the beach.  The wind caught his nose, and he chased after it.”

They ran through the resort, with Wanda and the Dwarf Queen striding ahead, and the Ringmaster wheezing behind them, holding onto his top hat.

Jumba, the big muscle man, was standing on the sand barefoot and stripped to the waist, and his trousers were soaked.   He was shivering, even though the night was warm.  He had swum out into the treacherous backwash, but he had had no luck.

As the Dwarf Queen, the Ringmaster and the Man-girl approached, Jumba shook his head somberly.   There was no sign of the clown in the water or anywhere down the beach, not even a footprint on the sand.  There was no shadow under the moonlight.  The four performers with their outlandish physiques stood in a frozen tableau, gazing into the tides, not sure what to do or feel or believe.  Nobody moved, nobody dared to breathe a word.

But then, bobbing on the dark waves, they spotted the little red dot that was his nose.  Jumba and the Ringmaster had to hold the Dwarf Queen back or she would have plunged into the breakers.

“Pindy!  Pindy!  Pindy!” wailed the Dwarf Queen, but it was only the blind moan of the wind, which offered any response.

Years after, when the Dwarf Queen was no longer welcome at the resort, they said that at the half-moon, you could still hear her voice on the whispers of the wind, calling, “Pindy, Pindy, Pindy.”

Haunted by the black cloud of uncertainty, the circus lost its popularity without its star, and the resort fell on hard times, and the theater itself fell into disrepair after a bad winter storm damaged some of the wooden framework.

Every night, it was Pindick who closed the program; that was the grand finale.  On the island, after that night, there were many who thought that it was the sad-faced clown who had had the last laugh, but, many believed that he had disappeared into the salty waters as if he had drowned in a sea of his own sorrowful tears.

Whatever happened to the clown after that remained a mystery.  Eventually, the tales of his lively antics for a few short seasons faded from memory to legend, and, like all legends, nobody knew for certain if any of it ever even existed. Like the shrinking spotlight at the end of his act, it all just vanished into a tiny pinhole.

J.J. Campbell

with a tear in my eye

woke up on the edge
of the world watching 
the sunrise with a tear 
in my eye
 
every magical moment
of my adult life has been 
spent alone
 
unless i’m going to count
all these bottles as the 
friends that would never 
leave me
 
it’s the quiet nights
 
the nights where the pain
cuts a little deeper
 
where i wonder how long
it is going to take to find 
my body
 
when you slip through
the cracks there are no 
calls to the police for 
them to check on you
 
i’d love to move to
someplace where 
i could die alone
 
just the casual sound
of water as i drift away
 
ashes spread along
some coast i never
got to enjoy
 
i’m sure the poems will
be good enough to help 
start a fire

David O. Hughes

The Agency

Wank lines don’t cut it anymore, and prossies are far too expensive, especially when you want the weird shit, Bobby thought, tossing his mobile onto his bedside table. Besides, fake, phony play doesn’t do shit for me these days, even if the whores can act well! My brain knows the difference, and it needs the real fucking deal

Raking his moist hands through his shaggy hair, Bobby looked at his naked form in the mirror above his bed. “So, now what am I going to do?” he said. “I’m horny as fuck, I have a raging hard-on, and I’m all out of options. Bollocks!” 

He pounded the mattress with his fists and legs like a toddler in full tantrum.

I need to take shit back to that level, but how? he thought to himself. No, I can’t, I could have done some serious jail time! I was lucky to have never been caught; it was a good thing I sought help when I did

Just wank! came a voice at the back of his head, sounding a lot like his ex-therapist. When you get like this, fighting against your urges, just wank. Wank it out. 

Fucking easy for you to say, doc! You have no idea what it’s like having urges you can’t control. All that ‘Write your feelings down,’ bullshit. Where did that get me?”

Bobby could feel his anger bubbling over.

“Wanking for wanking’s sake is boring!” he yelled at the voice in his head. “Besides, the urges will only come back stronger if I don’t give myself what I actually need…”

You can’t go on with those kind of behaviors, Bobby, his therapist continued. 

“I wish you’d get out of my fucking head!”

Don’t let your kinks control you, Bobby. They do not define you!

Ugh!” Bobby said, abruptly rising to his feet. “Shut up, shut up, shut up!” He glared at himself in the wall mirror. “We’re losing it again, Bobby!”

Just wank, Bobby.

Wank. 

Wank. 

Wank…! 

Bobby stepped back and slammed his fist into the mirror, relishing the sound of tinkling, falling glass.

“How do you like me now, doc?” he said, staring at the shards about his feet, hundreds of tiny Bobbys staring back at him.

Get a hold of yourself, Bobby, a new voice interjected. 

“Oh, it’s you…”

Miss me?

Bobby nodded affirmatively. “Have you come to instruct me, as you used to, like the good friend you are?”

Yeah, now you’re not taking those stupid little pills anymore. You won’t ditch me again, will you, Bobby? I’ve been so good to you… 

“I won’t. I promise! Please, just help me out! I’m fucking clinging on here, old pal.”

I want you to settle yourself, Bobby. Remember your breathing exercises.  

Bobby did as instructed, lying back and stretching out on his king size bed.

You’re forgetting something, Bobby.

“What?”

Think, Bobby. Think! What day is it? Where are you right now?

“It’s Friday, I’m at my cabin…”

And who is coming here to meet you?

Bobby racked his brain for the answer he should have already known. Then suddenly, it dawned on him.

“Oh shit, Tilly!”

That’s right, Bobby. You better get ready – you don’t have long before she arrives.

Bobby turned his head and saw the handcuffs hanging from the corner of the bed. His heart began to race as he imagined himself at Tilly’s mercy.

Stop fucking daydreaming, Bobby! She’ll be here soon.

Bobby grabbed the handcuffs and snapped one of the bracelets around his wrist. Then, putting his hands behind his back, he fed the loose cuff around the headboard and clicked it onto his other wrist. Settling back onto the bed, he could now only watch the clock as he eagerly anticipated Tilly’s arrival.

A few minutes later, the phone began to ring. Reflexively he rose to answer, but the cuffs held him firmly in place.

“Hey Bobby, it’s Tilly—” came the voice on the answering machine.

Bobby’s heart sank as he stared at the phone across the room, the handcuff keys in the bowl there beside it.

“—Sorry,” she continued, “but I won’t be able to make it this weekend. I did try your mobile phone, your home one too, and when I couldn’t get an answer on either, I thought you might have already been there at the cabin… Anyway, my mother died last night, in her sleep, and I’m a wreck. I’m not sure when I’ll be back, so I’ll contact you in a few days. I hope that’s okay? Again, I’m sorry, and I know this is short notice—”

Then the line went dead.

No! No, no, no! Oh, fuck! Fuck! Fuck this shit!” Bobby thrashed against the headboard, trying to dislodge something, anything. “This can’t be happening! Nooo! Aaargh!”

Hello?” came a voice from downstairs. “Mr Gerald? Bobby Gerald?”

“What, wait! Hello?! Is someone there?”

“Oh, hi… Bobby?” came the voice once again. “My name’s Janeen – the agency sent me.” 

Oh Jesus, thank God! he thought, forgetting about his predicament. “Yes, I’m Bobby!”

“Brilliant. Shall I come up?” Janeen said.

“I—” he started, hearing her footfalls on the stairs. “No, I don’t think—”

The door creaked open and she entered.

“Well, well, well, Mr Gerald,” said the attractive woman standing over him, regarding his naked body. “What a predickament you seem to find yourself in…”

“I-I wasn’t expecting anyone, sorry! Could you just… the keys are over there, just behind you,” he said, indicating with a nod of his head. 

“There’s no need to apologise, Mr Gerald.”

“Please, call me Bobby,” he said.

Her eyes bored into him and he turned away, trying to hide his erection. 

“No need to be shy, Bobby,” she said as she drew nearer. “I’ve seen all sorts, so don’t you worry about that. It’s always the rich ones…”

“What’s always the rich ones?”

“That are kinky and perverted. You were expecting Tilly, weren’t you? Come on, spill,” she said, narrowing her eyes.

Bobby shook his head and kept mum.

“What do you think your bosses at the bank would say about all this?”

“W-wait… This is all just—”

“Yes, yes, just a big misunderstanding,” she said. “That may have worked on young, dumb Tilly, but not on me, Bobby. I know a rotten egg when I see one…”

Shit, what the fuck am I going to do? he thought, hoping the voices would help, but they’d abandoned him. 

“Now, I’m sure you’d love for me to ridicule you, to whip you, to piss and shit all over you, but I’m not going to do any of that. No, sir. Because that would give you what you wanted, wouldn’t it? It would make you shoot your muck all over the place.”

“Please…” he whined. “Please just let me go…”

Bobby whimpered as she sat down beside him, gently cupping his balls in her hand.

“Don’t hurt me!” he shrieked, as she slowly began to squeeze.

“Oh? You’re not the pain-liking type?” 

Bobby shook his head vigorously in response.

“Well, that’s bad news for you.”

“Wha-what do you mean?”

“It means you won’t like what I’m about to dish out, Bobby. Not one bit. So, shall we get started?” 

No! Let me out of these cuffs, please. Please, I won’t say—”

“You won’t say a word to anyone? That’s rich!”

“You’ll lose your job if the agency finds out about this!”

“What agensssssy?”

Bobby stared in horror as her long, forked tongue darted in and out of her mouth.

No, this can’t be happing! I’m just seeing things, that’s all!

Bobby shut his eyes tight against the madness. When he reopened them, Janeen was mere inches from his face, glaring back at him with yellow, reptilian eyes.

“Jesus Christ!” he shrieked, pissing all over himself.

“Oh, you mucky boy!” she said. “That’s going to cost you extra…”

“Wh-what are you?!”

“Something old,” she said, tracing a talon down the side of his face. “Something your filthy, dirty, rubbish-filled mind could never comprehend…”

Searing pain flashed across his cheek as she dug in, drawing blood.

“Oww, you bitch!”

“Oh, but Bobby, we’ve only just begun! Soon we’ll discover who’s the bitch…”

“You can’t do this! I pay your goddamn agency, for fuck’s sake!”

“I can do it, and I am!” she said. “And besides, I work for a different agency…”  

Who?! I haven’t done shit all!” he screamed, thrashing against the cuffs. “Please, I beg—”

“Stop that, you snivelling toad!”

Janeen raked her talons down his chest, leaving red gashes on their way towards his groin.

“ARGGHH!!!”

“You’re going to make sure Tilly’s set for life, Bobby. You’re going to pay her on behalf of all the women you’ve abused…”

“Wh-what?! You can’t do this! You’ll never get away with—”

Janeen took his nuts in her fist, twisting them until he was sure they would burst.

“Just a bit more pressure, and…”

Bobby screamed in agony, blood and cum seeping between her claws.

“Don’t you pass out on me, Bobby!”

“Hospital…” 

“What will you do for me?”

“An-anything…”

“Will you give all your money to Tilly?”

“Ye-yes!”

“Good! Tilly will be most happy, Bobby.”

“Ta-take me to the hospital…”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Bobby. Not just yet. You still have one more price to pay, and that price is your ticket to Hell…”

He screamed as she flipped him over, breaking his arms and wrists, popping his shoulders from their sockets in the process.

“Ha-have mercy…” he moaned, as she slowly worked her talons up his ass. His entire body began to seize as she dug deeper inside, ripping his organs to pulp. 

“Come for me, Bobby. Come for me!”

The last thing he felt was her claws bursting through his chest.

Suzie Sabia

Van Gogh

The media dubbed him Van Gogh because each of his victims was missing her right ear. They reported that Van Gogh sliced off the ears post-mortem and that none of the ears had been found. His seven victims were women, though no particular type was singled out. One was tall, one short. Black, Hispanic, White, old, young. Women panicked.

Then the media said all of the victims had been prostitutes. Other stories overshadowed the murders, and the murders were relegated to obscurity. So the whores still worked their corners, a little leery, but willing to get into a car if the john looked all right.

Tonight Van Gogh thought he may have found his next victim. An Amazon of a woman with long, supple legs and honey-colored skin. She wore a gold mini skirt slit to her waist, revealing a firm rounded hip, and a black halter top barely covering her small breasts. Her hair hid under a shoulder-length silver metallic wig, which reminded Van Gogh of tinsel dangling from a Christmas tree, and as he drove by her a second time the wind played the tinsel against her head, allowing one large-lobed ear to peek through.

That little peek hooked him.

He stopped the car one store front away from her, blinking his taillights to let her know he was interested, and hoping she’d notice his bumper sticker – “Jesus Saves.”

She leaned through the open passenger window far enough for the wig’s fringe to brush against the inside door, giving him a glimpse of both ear lobes.

“Hey, baby. Want a date?” she asked.

“Yes. Yes I do. How much will it cost?”

She licked her lips. “Well for you baby only 20.”

“Twenty? I-I can give you 40 if you have a room. I don’t wanna do it in my car. It’s my wife’s car.”

She laughed and reached for the door handle. She hesitated. “You ain’t no freak, are you baby?”

“Fr-freak? No. It’s just my wife…”

She pulled the door open and climbed in. The front of her skirt rested between her legs. “You don’t have to explain it to me, baby. Just go ‘round the corner and pull into the parking lot.”

Van Gogh drove to the lot. A sign that read “Roo s by the our” shone over a one-story hotel which looked like several old trailers linked together by the rusted railing running the length of the structure.

“C’mon baby.” She got out of the car. She negotiated the potholes and cracked pavement with her four-inch heels as Van Gogh untucked his shirt to hide the knife he had stuck inside the front of his pants.

He caught up with her. “What’s your name?”

“Jade.”

They were silent as they walked past the unoccupied hotel office. Jade pulled out her room key from inside her halter and smiled at him. As she bent forward to unlock her door, her right ear emerged from the fringe, illuminated in the incandescent glow from the parking lot light.

Van Gogh was mesmerized by the exquisite shape of the ear’s helix and antihelix. The concha was deep and dark, just as he preferred. The entire auricle was flawless. Perfect. He almost went berserk right there.

Jade went right to the bed, untying the top of her halter as she walked. “I need the 40 first, baby.” She said.

“Why do you do this?” Van Gogh asked.

“Well.” Jade sat on the bed, the halter hanging from its bottom straps. “I am, what’s the word?” She took off the wig, exposing cropped black hair and two beautiful ears. She dropped the wig into her lap, the fringe covering her thighs. “Promiscuous. I love to screw. So I figure why not get paid for it, right baby?”

She stood up, letting the wig drop to the floor. She stepped on its fringe as she wiggled out of her mini skirt.

Van Gogh watched her, thinking how easy this was for her. How it shouldn’t be. But tonight he would save her. He wasn’t “Van Gogh.” He was the Oracle. The Oracle speaking the divine word of the Lord into the auricles of the harlots.

Jade lay on the soiled blue bedcover, naked except for bright red panties. He straddled her.

“Jesus saves,” he whispered into her right ear. He pictured his ear collection laid out on a mirror in his top dresser drawer. He whispered into them every night. “Close your eyes.”

Jade did.