Daniel S. Irwin

Writer’s Block

Yeah, well, nothing comin’ to mind
With a major case of writer’s block.
So I scratched out my obituary,
In case they might need it sometime.
Hard tellin’ what non-descript crap
They’d put down on their own.
When Mama died, the funeral man
Said a good paragraph in the paper
Cost three dollars, a one liner was free.
Sister said, “We’ll take the free one.”
Moron!  Mama not worth three bucks
To put a decent spiel of a send off?
Got mine done, all nice and colorful.
Then added some crazy shit for a laugh.
I got no 100% DNA match with Godzilla,
Ain’t never partied in Lennon’s tomb,
And I am no longer wanted in France.
Whoa, better check on that last one.
Then I up and lost the thing somewhere,
Maybe at the laundromat or some bar.
Anyway, somebody found it and, hey,
It made the top spot on the obit page
Of the local weekly chronical.  Ring.
“Hello?  No I ain’t dead you sick bastard.
And you still owe me that twenty bucks.”

HSTQ: Summer 2021

horror, adj. inspiring or creating loathing, aversion, etc.

sleaze, adj. contemptibly low, mean, or disreputable

trash, n. literary or artistic material of poor or inferior quality

Welcome to HSTQ: Summer 2021, the curated collection from Horror, Sleaze and Trash!

Featuring poetry by Damian Rucci, Jon Bennett, John Tustin, Paul Tanner, Daniel S. Irwin, Mather Schneider, J.J. Campbell, Tohm Bakelas, Willie Smith, Kristin Garth, David J. Thompson, Danny D. Ford, Michael Lee Johnson, Aimee Nicole, Wolfgang Carstens, Jason Melvin, Mela Blust, James Diaz, and John Yohe.

Get your FREE ebook here!

J.J. Campbell

a lucrative business

i had a dream
i started a lucrative
business writing
suicide notes for
those who could
never find the
right words
 
everything was 
going great until
my shrink asked 
me if i was simply 
avoiding writing
my own note
 
the dream started
to fade from there
 
and i asked myself
what ever happened
to the dreams about
the beautiful women
 
i woke up laughing
 
that fucking shrink
doesn’t know i wrote
my note years ago
 
just waiting for it 
to get published

Timothy Arliss OBrien

I Fucked God and I’d Do It Again

1. You Called Me Beautiful First.

We always flirted, and you said God had picked this friendship, me, for you.

If that’s not seduction, I don’t know what else it would be you did to me.

It’s insane how much we flirted in Bible college,

And I should have sucked your cock instead of Shane’s.

You always talked about showing me God’s love, but I wanted yours.

I dreamed for months of your love squirting hot wet into my mouth, and laying with you in the secret sweat that could’ve cost us everything.

But now your dumbass has a wife and nasty little crotch goblin.

And I’m sure Shane is still somewhere lying to himself, and luring in more secret sexual conquests to fulfill his need while trying not to blow his cover as a filthy religious heterosexual zealot.

Things could have been different if we had just quit pretending and stopped lying to god and ourselves.

Thanks for nothing.

2. Dust in the Hull of a Ship.

Dusty left a violence in my heart I can’t scrub.

There’s no way to mop away his soot and pretend that friendship didn’t fuck me up.

The “Belief Lovers” cling to their holy books in their boats and spit onto those below them,

And being better than others is such an isolating lowly place I don’t understand how they mistake heaven for the hell they live in inside their hearts.

I am holy, and beautiful, created in God’s image,

Even when I’m tripping acid slurping on dick after dick and shoving my cock in some cum thirsty twinks for hours.

God is now dead and if we need miracles we have to be our own saints. 

3. Fuck God

I killed god and I’d do it again.

I fucked his lifeless body and swallowed all his cum.

I sit on his throne and masturbate on all his children.

I’ve burned all his books and given myself tattoos with all the ashes.

I am heaven now and when you die you enter my orgasm.

Don’t try to save me because at this point you should worry more about your own salvation.

You’re a hypocrite, no one will love your homophobic little black heart, and you will never know god.

Be cursed for all eternity and when you are cold in the dirt I’ll have a little orgy and give myself a golden shower on your grave.

Tim.

Willie Smith

Some Zero Game

Sat on a bench on the edge of a lawn,
nursing lemonade with gin, 
toying with memory’s engine.
Why is yes minus es. Memory of
an echo echoes in the memory. 
Swallows desolate the colonnade.
A distant couple’s berating passes out of hearing.
Little boys in the shadows 
spit machineguns.
A bat slices the air, 
reverberating in the ear. 
Stars not yet there 
in the purple poise. The gears, 
the worms, the shifts, the buttons 
down the suit disappear. This early fall 
early evening suits itself, leaves 
blowing across the lawn 
like leaves 
blowing across the lawn,
the soul the sole remains.

Jacob Louis Beaney

COUNCIL ESTATE DIRT BAG WANTS TO WANK YOU OFF

It had taken him hours to find one. He’d even started to think that they didn’t even exist any more. Extinct technology, gone the way of the fax machine and mini-disc. 

But now here he was standing before what was probably the last phone box in the city, a scrawled number in one hand and a pound coin in the other.

But now that he’d found one he was anxious of what he might find inside, or catch.

A part of him thought about walking away and forgetting the whole thing, but he he needed to call Julie, he needed to tell her that he was sorry, that he loved her and that he’d do anything to make it right.

Placing his hand in his jacket sleeve he opened the door and stepped inside. A stagnant wave of piss stung his nostrils and caused him to gag. He pushed the door back open, took a gulp of the relatively fresh air outside before diving back in, being certain to breath only through his mouth.

With his jacket sleeve still over his hand he lifted the receiver, unfolded the scrap of paper and inserted the pound coin into the slot. There was a series of loud clanks before his pound coin was promptly rejected into the change tray at the bottom. He tried it once more but was again greeted by his returned coin. He tried to place it in as gently as he could. It slid out. He put it back in, but this time with great force, but out it came once more.

He tried as many ways as he could think of putting a coin into a slot before he finally gave up and slammed down the receiver. He launched into a tirade of abuse against the machine, suggesting that its dwindling population was due to the fact that it was a cunt.

He put his back against the door and was about to leave when he noticed the crudely made adverts stuck to the back wall.

“Adult Massage”

“Live Cucumber Show” 

“Anal Angel. Dirty girl loves it up the arse”

“Fuck my wife!”

“Granny likes hot spunk in her old wet bucket. I’ll take any cock I can get!”

He suddenly found himself laughing and stepped forward to get a closer look at the filthy ads. Some made him laugh, others made him shudder and a few even made him feel physically sick.

What sort of a sad cunt would call these numbers!

  Then he came across one…

“Council Estate Dirt Bag Wants to Wank you Off, call Sue on: 07XXXXXXXX”

There was a picture attached of a middle aged blonde, not bad, looked a little like his Aunt Shirley. He’d always had a bit of a crush on his Aunt Shirley. Ever since her nipple had popped out of her bathing suit on their family trip to Málaga.

It was the first nipple he’d ever seen. 

He’d felt a strange stirring in his swimming trunks.

He stood staring at the picture for some time.

He slid in the pound coin, there was a click and the receiver suddenly came to life with an audible hum. With his jacket sleeve wrapped around his hand he typed in the number. There was a brief ring before the phone was answered.

“Hi sweetheart” a voice said on the other end.

“Is that Sue?”

Aimee Nicole

Learning New Things 

I stay up late,
covers pulled to double chin.
My cat is curled like a waxing moon
against operated spine.
I’m scrolling through tips
for deep throating from my fellow gays. 

I brush the back of my tongue
every night for a week,
gagging Tom’s toothpaste
all over the sink.

I ignore advice to practice with a banana—
the tip too rough and dirty for my liking.
Just call me confidence
as I grab your dick with both hands,
swallow that joystick in three big gulps,
vomiting all over your freshly
laundered sheets.

Judge Santiago Burdon

Yucatan Sirens and Mission Bells

The siren on the ambulance wails, oscillating between rapid-fire cries and long, droning moans. The driver weaves in and out of traffic, honking his horn as yet another voice in our chorus, singing the city’s song of the night.

Raindrops pelt the windows and roof of the emergency vehicle as we careen through the city. I’m being tossed back and forth on the gurney, its safety straps having been left unbuckled. Flashing red lights reflect off of concrete buildings and the wet asphalt of the street flying by.

I can’t figure out why I’m being transported in an ambulance. Physically there doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with me, no blood or broken bones. There must be some kind of misunderstanding.

“Hey, excuse me!” I holler in Spanish. “Where are you taking me?”

Up front in the cab, the driver and his EMT partner are startled by my sudden outburst. Both of them jump from the unexpected voice, yelling at them from the darkness. The overhead lights flicker to life, both men staring back at me with terrified expressions on their faces. 

“¿Santiago que haces ahi?” (What are you doing there?), the EMT in the passenger seat screams.   

I recognize the voice. It’s Beto, my friend from the hospital. Suddenly everything becomes clear to my foggy mind.

I’d been sleeping in a decommissioned ambulance waiting on repairs in the hospital’s parking garage. I must have taken refuge in the wrong ambulance that night.

“Santiago, what are you doing back there?” Beto hollers. “You can’t be in here!”

“Sorry Beto, mi culpa,” I say. “Where are we headed?”

“Barrio de San Sebastian, big car accident. You’ve got to get out there. I can get in trouble. Understand?”

“Claro, desculpe,” (Of course, I’m sorry,) I reply.

It must be one or two in the morning, and I’m about to be dropped off in an unfamiliar barrio in Merida, Yucatan, Mexico.

I had just gotten out of Valladolid prison after serving 14 months. I had absolutely no money, not even enough for bus fare. My cousin in Sinaloa was supposed to be sending some startup cash to help get me back on my feet. I’d been waiting for two days now already, my survival hanging in the balance. I’m hungry and in desperate need of a shower and some clean clothes. And now I won’t even have a roof over my head.

It could be worse, it could be raining as I always say. And of course there’s a rainforest deluge presently raging outside. Always another trying element added to an already challenging situation. Never has any such scenario been easy for me. Without fail, a secondary obstacle always presents itself.

We reach the scene of the accident where there are numerous police cars, fire trucks, and other ambulances already present. It’s a large pile up involving five, maybe six cars along with two large produce trucks. One has spilled its cargo of fresh mangos, oranges, bananas and lettuce all over the place.

Exiting the back of the ambulance, my first instinct is to snatch up a few pieces of fruit as they roll across the street. I still don’t have a clue as to where the hell I even am, but at least I’ll have something to eat for now.

Scurrying in and out from under storefront overhangs like a gutter rat, I take refuge from the downpour, making my way toward a cathedral down the street. The church bells ring out a short melody before clanging twice, announcing the ungodly hour.

Finally reaching its large, ornate doors, I’m hoping to find shelter within. My hopes are quickly dashed, however, upon finding the church locked up tight. Pounding my fists on the doors, I shout until my voice goes hoarse, but no one will heed my calls. I think how unfortunate it is that churches are shut down at night. Do they think that people only require the assistance of a priest or the power of prayer during daylight hours? Is God now available only from eight to five, with an hour free for lunch and the customary two fifteen minute smoke breaks? Did the Catholic Church form some type of orthodox union? There should be no question as to why I’m a recovering Catholic myself.

I notice down the street what appears to be a commercial area with bars and restaurants. Quite possibly there may be a business still open I could loiter about without having to purchase anything. I peel a banana and shove half of it in my mouth, once again dodging from overhang to overhang as I make my way toward the neon oasis.

My hair and clothes are thoroughly soaked by this point, but I pull up my hoodie anyway out of habit. A lot of good it does me in rainstorm like this.

Passing by a Chinese restaurant, I stealthily duck inside, hoping to go unnoticed. Maybe I can hideout in the bathroom for a while, at least until the storm passes.

I haven’t made it two steps through the door before another guy in a hoodie jumps over the counter and points a pistol at my head. An old Chinese man stands near the cash register with his hands raised in the air. I immediately follow suit.

Just my luck to wander straight into a robbery.

The robber orders the restaurant owner to lay down on the floor. A voice from behind tells me to lower my hands so as to not alert any passing cars that a robbery is in progress.

Clearing out the cash register, his accomplice grabs me as they start toward the exit, dragging me along with them. As we reach the door, they begin pistol whipping me in the head, swiftly knocking me unconscious.

I’m awakened by a policeman slapping me in the face, telling me to get up. The old Chinese guy is pointing at me, screaming I was one of the perpetrators that had just robbed his restaurant. The cops already have me in handcuffs, trying to pull me to my feet.

“Officers, I had nothing to do with the robbery,” I attempt to explain, blood running down my face. “The perpetrators attacked me before they fled the scene. I just came in to use the bathroom and get out of the rain.”

They don’t say a fucking word in response, instead they just load me into the paddy wagon.

On our way to the station, we pass by the scene of the accident from before. The cops stop to check out the damage, one of them exiting the vehicle. 

“Officers, can I get some help with the cut on my head?” I yell through the barrier between us. “I think I might need to go to the hospital.”

“We will have an EMT take a look,” the cop behind the wheel replies. The other one walks around the back of the vehicle, and I hear the door unlock.

He pulls me out into the rain and we start walking toward an ambulance that’s still on the scene.

“Santiago what happened to you?” Beto hollers, glaring at the cop as he marches me forward. “Why are you in handcuffs? Did the police do this to you? Come here, let’s get out of the rain.”

I crawl into the back of the ambulance once again, wet, bleeding, and exhausted. The church bell rings three times, indicating three o’clock, making it seem like not much time has passed. For me, this night has gone on forever, a never-ending pesadilla (nightmare).

I explain the events of the robbery while Beto attends to my injuries. 

“Officer, he is going to need some stitches,” he says. “You should take him to the hospital or I can transport him in the ambulance.” 

“No, he’s under arrest robbery,” the cops says. “We will take it from here.”

“What I know about Santiago is that he’s no thief,” Beto declares in my defense. “You should know he came here with us in the ambulance earlier. He wasn’t with anyone else. Tell me why would they have beaten him if he was part of the gang?”

“The owner said he was one of the robbers,” the cop replies, wiping the rain from his face and shaking off his plastic Poncho. “We had to arrest him.”

“You didn’t have anything to do with it, did you Santiago?” Beto asks.

“I explained what happened to them but they weren’t buying anything I had to say,” I say. “Of course I didn’t have anything to do with the robbery. Just another instance of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Just then, the rain comes to an abrupt halt, the sky not spilling another drop. The clouds above part to expose a brilliant waxing moon upon a backdrop of sparkling stars, as though the cosmos itself was advocating for my innocence.

Taking me away, the cop begins walking me back to the paddy wagon. As we approach, the other cop gets out of the vehicle and motions to his partner to come over.

“They looked at the security video in the restaurant,” he says. “He’s telling the truth, he didn’t have anything to do with the robbery. The owner is in shock, probably doesn’t have a good memory. So we can let this guy go.”

“Do you have any identification?” the other cop asks.

I was hoping this situation wouldn’t present itself, but I pull an answer out of the dark like a magician.

“My passport, money, and everything I owned was in my backpack. The thieves took it. So my answer is no, I don’t have any identification. Is there a chance you could take me to the hospital? I don’t have any way to get there.”

“No, we’re not a taxi service. It’s only four kilometers (two and a half miles), straight down this street.”

“Great, thanks for your assistance. I’m touched by your kindness.”

Just then, Beto drives up with his partner in the ambulance.

“What is going on, Santiago? You need to get to the hospital or you’re going to bleed to death. The bandage I put on is already soaked with blood. It’s only temporary, you need to get to the doctor.”

“They’ve released me because the restaurant’s security footage showed I wasn’t involved. Now they won’t take me to the hospital. They’re just going to let me walk.”

“Walk! The hospital is ten kilometers (six miles) away. You could pass out before you get there.”

“The cops said it was only a couple of miles.” 

“They’re liars. We have two patients in the back already. I’ll get on the radio and see if another ambulance is available. If not, we’ll come back and get you, okay? Tranquilo jefe.”

He hands me a towel and a bottled water through the window and pats me on the back for reassurance. He then turns to the cops and gives them the finger with both hands. “Pinche cabrones, sin corazóns,” (fucking heartless assholes) he hollers as they drive off.

I watch the flashing red lights of the ambulance fade away into the city streets. I find a bench near the cathedral. A statue of Saint Michael vigilantly stands guard as I take a seat, leaning back in surrender to the demands of my exhausted physical condition. I drift off to sleep or quite possibly pass out. 

I wake up to bright lights, the sound of voices, babies crying and people moaning. The amplified voice of a woman paging Doctor Perez. I am warm and dry, and at what I assume to be the hospital. My head is wrapped in a gauze bandage. Beto walks up with a smile you couldn’t buy. He’s holding a large cup of what I hope is coffee. 

“Hey patron, you made it, you’re alive. Well there must be a God after all, because we both know it couldn’t be your luck that rescued you.”

He hands me the coffee and gives my shoulder a squeeze. Ordinarily I’d dispute his assertion that God was my savior, but I decide not to challenge him.

“How you feeling?” he asks.

“I just woke up. I must have passed out. I’m feeling fine so far. Not sure of how I got here or what happened after that. Anyway Beto, thank you for your kindness and support through all this chaos. You’ve been a great friend and I owe you.”

“Happy to hear you say that because your cousin’s friend came by the hospital garage this morning, asking for you and me. You must have given him my name I guess. I have to tell you, the muchacho scared me to my death. Where did you find this guy? Anyway, I brought him here but you were still out from the medication. So he left me some money and said for you to get a bus ticket to Mazatlan, Sinaloa when you are better. I have his phone number right here along with the money. There’s a lot of money here, Santiago. Who the hell is your cousin in Sinaloa? I have also a message for you in an envelope from your cousin.”

“Can you hold on to the money until I get out of here? I’m sure I already know what the message is, I’ll read it later. You don’t know how much I appreciate your help. I should be getting out of here today, don’t you think? “

I went to shake his hand and he responded with a puzzled look. “So, you going to tell me?” he asks.

“Maybe you could find the doctor and see when I can get released.” 

“Okay, but can you tell me, is he really your cousin? I mean for real? Him?”

“Unless one of us is an imposter, yes, he is my cousin. Now can you find the doctor please?”

“Okay patron, I’ll find him. Don’t go anywhere.”

“Don’t have any clothes on,” I laugh. “So pretty good odds I’ll be here when you get back.”

Sometimes the gods smile down on you and give you a break after all. Or it could be just a head start before the next ordeal begins.

David Centorbi

Such A Gorgeous Dying

Cigarette smoke hazing over your face, Clove. 
Sex smell because of you—sheets wet all over.
I remember our first time together:

“I never knew about that,” I said.
You pushed my face between your legs. 
Sweet, the taste of you, no longer a cliche.
You held me in your hand, slow and loose. 
Then fast until I came all over your stomach. 
You looked down, slid your finger through it, 
brought it to your lips. Then kissed me.   

“I’m just going a little longer,” you said,
rolling over, fingers tracing circles
between your legs.

I laid next to you and watched.
Then, startling me, you sat up 
and straddle my face. 
“Let me see those bastard eyes,” you moaned. 
And came, covering my face, wet. 

“Give me your tongue.”
And you pressed yourself against it.
“You’re such a good boy,” you said
as you grabbed my hair and brought
me harder against you.
“Taste all of me. I want you to have it all.”  

You pushed my head away by my hair:
a hot, hard stream hit my face,
and I couldn’t help but open my mouth,
just a bit, and swallow.