Ezhno Martin

Exact Figures on the Anti-Climax of Just Laying Back and Taking It

Samantha, there are Sixty-Three-Thousand
Two-Hundred-Forty-Three holes in my ceiling
and I feel like I’VE LOST ALL CAPACITY FOR HUMAN EMOTION.

There are One Hundred-Thirty and Two-Third tiles
crookedly and amateurishly applied and painted white 
hanging over my head every night
and you hang over my head
like an amateurish application of fidelity

On each of the One Hundred-Thirty and Two-Third tiles
are Twenty-Two rows of Twenty-Two holes
that’s Four-Hundred-Eighty-Four holes per tile
that’s a lot of damage
I like to wallow in the thought that I have a lot of damage

One-Hundred-Thirty and Two-Thirds
multiplied by Four-Hundred-Eighty-Four
is not technically 
Sixty-Three-Thousand Two-Hundred-Forty-Three
but some more exact figure that doesn’t make sense
in words and only exists in a long string of decimals
I have rounded up
to complete an abstract conceptualization that quantifies insurmountability

Technically the holes aren’t on my ceiling
I don’t have a ceiling
I live with a woman that looks like you
and I sleep in a separate bed in the basement
every chance I get
but she wakes up to go to the bathroom
several times a night
and she finds me and has sex with me sometimes
and I stare at her ceiling while she bounces on my cock
which, because she looks like you,
is like a concrete Frankenstein,

and I count the holes
and I count the rows
and I count the tiles
but I don’t count the days since we last spoke
and I’m only addressing this to you because I don’t believe in god
and this is a prayer to feel human emotions again
and I need a holy ghost
and I’ve made you so much holier
than that woman I used to know
who I named you after

Samantha, there are Sixty-Three-Thousand
Two-Hundred-Forty-Three holes in my ceiling
and I feel like I’VE LOST ALL CAPACITY FOR HUMAN EMOTION.

Samantha, you are the only constant in my life
besides alcoholism
in the last Three-Thousand-Six-Hundred-Fifty-Two days
and both of you have done one hell of a job
of convincing me that I can’t live without you
and people only hurt me.