Andrew Graber

 What Is Happening To Me

Can I call you back up in a few minutes, Margie? Someone is knocking at the front door.

I hung up the phone with my wife, and I opened up the front door. 

Standing outside was this beautiful looking woman who had tears in her eyes.

What’s the matter, I asked?

Why are you crying?

Please come in and take a seat in the living room with me. 

We sat down on the couch and she thanked me for being such a nice man.

So, why are you crying?

Please do not think that I am losing my mind for what I am about to tell you. If I do not have an orgasm within the next few minutes, I am going to turn into a giant poisonous snake.

Oh my goodness, are you feeling alright?

You see, I knew that was going to be your reaction, sir.

Why can’t you just have an orgasm by yourself?

Those were the rules that were given to me. My orgasm has to be given to me by another person. It is a long and complicated story, sir.

You have got to believe me.

After I have my orgasm, I will tell you all about my current predicament and where I came from.

Is this some sort of practical joke that my wife set up for you to do to me?

Of course not, the lady replied to me.

By now, she was crying out of control.

Please, I beg of you, please help me.

That’s it, I cannot waste any more time. It’s only a matter of moments before I turn into a snake.

Suddenly, she began taking off all of her clothes and then started to take off my clothes as well.

What are you doing? I am married!

Please, I beg of you, your wife will understand if she knew what was in store for me.

Then, she stuck her naked rear end in my face and told me to put my fingers in her vagina and in her asshole.

That’s it, do it just like that, but with more passion. Oh my god, that feels so incredibly good. I feel like I am within seconds of having my orgasm. I feel it coming any second now.

Suddenly she vanished and I just stood there in total disbelief. In her place was this gigantic snake staring straight into my eyes, its tongue was darting in and out of its mouth.

Oh my goodness, she was telling me the truth.

The snake was inching closer and closer to me.

Help, somebody help me!

It was then that I heard a loud, blaring noise.

Just as the snake was just about to strike, I realized where the sound was coming from. I reached over in my bed to turn off my alarm clock.

Honey, are you alright, my wife asked.

Yes, I just had a very strange and terrifying dream, my love. I’m better now, though.

Thank goodness that it was just a bad dream.

Come closer and give me a kiss, Margie.

As my wife opened up her mouth to kiss me, I began screaming, as I noticed her tongue had transformed into that of a snake. It darted in and out of her mouth as she asked me what was wrong.

I thought that you wanted a kiss from me?

How come you are not kissing me back?

Is my morning breath that repulsive?