Because I once quoted Shakespeare, I’m considered the factory intellectual
Gary stopped in the aisle
at the hydraulic factory
and asked my opinion
concerning the earth being flat.
I looked into his Scooby Doo gaze
hoping to find a looming punchline,
anything other than the fervent certainty
that modern science
had gotten it all absolutely wrong.
neutral expression upheld,
I told him I figured
this had been decided for good and all
at least six hundred years ago,
two thousand years in some of the
more forward thinking civilizations,
ten thousand years if you are
inclined to include the Atlanteans.
I wouldn’t be so sure, Gary cautioned.
I’ve been watching those tiktok videos.
the fact you’re watching
tiktok videos of anything
other than bouncing breasts
and shaking asses leads me
to question your competency.
tiktok only shows me
this kind of stuff,
Gary said, exasperated.
his peaceful pseudo-porn
obviously usurped by
designed by Democrats
working hand in hand
with the Chinese
to wake him from the
into believing we exist
upon the surface
of a spherical planet.
NASA knows all about it,
Gary continued without
a shade of shame to his shadow.
they photoshop all their
and they’re the ones in charge
of guarding the Antarctic ice wall,
and, you know, rockets, they
can actually only go four miles
up because there’s a dome
or, uhm… something.
Gary, stop, just stop, man,
how tired of porn do you have to be
to watch these bullshit videos?
he held his tongue a bare moment,
so, you know everything, then?
I know the earth’s fucking round!
all right, can we at least agree
the moon landing was staged?
we shook hands at that,
compromising on the utter
of our government.