Gordon P. Bois

A Little Less Jarring, A Little Less Rude 

“Had I known that he used words like that, I would’ve never considered reading his book, let alone give him a review.” 

“What words did he use that made you so upset?” 

“Well, they’re just vulgar and not something that a lady like myself should ever, ever have to say.” 

“I’m having a bit of trouble understanding the source of your anger.  Now take a deep breath and tell me what specific words he used that’s got you so riled up.  I won’t hold it against you.” 

“Very well if you really must know.  The two words that this heathen, who considers himself to be well read and a seasoned writer, are none other than: fuck, and cunt.  I feel so disgusted with myself now, for having uttered those words.  I think I’m going to have to wash my mouth out with soap.  Maybe say a little prayer.” 

“Oh my. Did you tell him how upset you were?” 

“Oh yes.  I even suggested that he change the words to something a little less jarring, a little less rude.” 

“And how did he respond to that?” 

“He said that the words were fitting for the pieces that he put them in, and that he wouldn’t change a thing.” 

“How did you feel about his response?  Did you try reasoning with him any further?” 

“Of course, I did, it’d be foolish if I hadn’t.  I asked him if he cared what his readership thought. Then I pointed out to him that he should put the wants and needs of his readers first, otherwise, he wouldn’t have a readership to speak of.” 

“And did that get him to come around to your way of thinking?” 

“Heavens no, quite the opposite I’m afraid.  He went on to say that he writes for himself, and if no one likes what or how he writes, that suits him just fine.” 

“So, what happened after that, once he firmly stated his position for writing like he does?” 

“Nothing.  There’s just no reasoning with someone like that.  So, I got up from the table I was sitting at and left the room.  I could neither stomach nor stand to be seen in the same room with him.” 

“Just a few more questions and I’ll wrap up this interview.” 

“Thank heavens.  I don’t know how much more of this I can take.  I feel sick to my stomach.  I feel as though I’m going to throw up any minute now.” 

“Just hang in there.  It’s almost over.  So where is he now?  Did he lose the very readership that you warned him about?  Did he happen to change his vile, writerly ways?” 

“He didn’t change anything about the way he writes, or what he writes about.  If anything, he’s at the top of his game now.  His readership just adores him, no matter what he does or says.  Last I heard, his following has grown exponentially.  Can you believe that?  Isn’t it insane?  Even the readers are pathetic, just like he is.” 

“Well, that pretty much wraps up our interview session for today.  Any last words for my reading audience and for those who’ll be tuning into my podcast later today?” 

“I’ve got nothing more to say.  If it’s any consolation, I’ll pray for him and his readership.  It’s not like it’s going to make a bit of difference.  They’re all going to hell anyway.” 

“Well, you’re certainly entitled to your opinion.  Anyhow, as hard as this interview was for you, I thank you for your time.  And for those of you just tuning in, hit the subscribe button, and like our page.  In closing, I hope everyone has enjoyed today’s session and that you and yours have a great day!”

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