John Patrick Robbins

I Always Forget Something

I tried to hurry along as always.

Purchasing things to clog my arteries and booze to simply maintain.

As I tried to ignore the nervous energy that made me want to scream out to some random stranger: 

“If you get in my way again, I will literally pound your head into the slab floor and keep on moving as if nothing happened!”

As some poor underpaid kid just thought to himself that he should get a raise for having to mop up this not-so-gray matter and remnants of my victim’s skull.

As I try my best to maintain the facade, I am a quasi-normal fully functional member of this mad society.

While I endure the ride home, listening to my friend babble about all the shit I could truly give a fuck about.

As my arm goes numb as my body yearns for its poison and I simply nod my head and try not to stroke out from having to endure the heat and pretend every breath is not a struggle.

As I arrive home to cram everything into a mini-fridge and pour a drink as I cuss myself for forgetting the razor blades for which I had planned on slitting my wrists that very evening.

I was angered, deeply out of air and beyond words in my lack of focus and frustration.

As that night a friend asked:

“Dude, what’s been going on with you lately?

You know you can talk to me, right?”

As I laughed within while saying nothing in return.

The truth does anything but set you free.

For I understood in this life you tell everyone whatever it takes to shut them the fuck up and in turn make them pay you no mind.

We as humans should have the freedoms to do as we please as long as our choices are not a danger to anyone around us.

But in truth, freedom comes with guidelines and way too many fine print agreements.

So I poured another drink to vanish externally to everyone around me.

And called my newly acquired friend to reschedule a return trip to town and remembered I should probably pick up a pen and some paper as well.

I wouldn’t want to depart from life’s station without leaving a note of explanation behind.

I may be selfish but I was far from rude.

Don’t worry, this isn’t a warning.

It’s a promise in the making.

I owe you nothing, let alone an explanation.

So fuck off!

The light’s out for a reason.

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