G. Arthur Brown

A sex poem

You get me as hard as poetry
Not that poetry gives me an erection
But poetry is difficult
That’s a play on words I think

I get you all wet like a washed-up comedian
Except, one that’s all dirty
I read an article about yeast infections
So I’ll try to remember to wash my hands

One guy I know ate buffalo wings and then fingered his girlfriend
It was not a relationship-building experience
The best relationship I was in was probably still a nightmare for most people
The sex was good but you wouldn’t make a movie about it
If you did make a movie about it it would be an awkward indie film
Starring Philip Seymour Hoffman
As a rich grandmother in a Catholic dystopia

But I digress

I want to fuck you, so bad
The sex would not be bad but the desire is
The sex would not be bad the third time, I mean
The first two might be fumbling and unfulfilling
If you judge me based on the first or second time that we fuck then fuck you
It’s the third time that clinches the thing
If the third time’s bad then that’s real
That would be a mistake
Like the third time I fucked your mom
The first two could be chalked up to being drunk
The third time I hadn’t even sipped a beer
I’d rather fuck you than your mom
I’m sorry

We played Dungeons & Dragons too, me and your mom
She would literally be perfect if the sex worked
And she wasn’t hooked up to that machine

You are like the perfect version of your mom
No machine
You can learn D&D
Let’s find out if the sex works

Yeah, I know I’m old enough to be your father
But I like to think of myself as your dad’s cool friend
And yes, I did fuck your mom about twenty-two years ago
But I’ll take a paternity test, I’m not scared
You know your dad
He’s an asshole
He did not want me fucking your mom
Not even once let alone three times
Forget about that loser
I’m not him

Come on already
Let’s fuck

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