Joe Surkiewicz

Sex Life of Birds (abridged)

Setting: A forest glen 
Scene: Two robins sitting in a tree

Robin number one: Sing me a song.

Robin number two: Quack.

(Beat.)

Robin number one: You’re fucking another bird.

Robin number two (terse): We’re not geese.

Number one:  Mother was right.

Number two: The best part of your mother is now in an Eddie Bauer down vest.

Number one (hopeless): I don’t know what you ever saw in me.

Number two: You got the cutest cloaca.

Number one: Really?

Number two: You put the breast in red-breasted robin.

Number one (swoons): I’m gettin’ a hormone surge.

(They DO IT.)

Number one: That was fast. Even for you.

Number two (irritated): Performance pressure. All those other birds watching.

Number one: They’re forming a line. . . . Thanks for stopping by. Good luck!

Number two: That’s it?

Number one: Remember, we’re not geese.

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