Sure It’s Ok When I Buy The Cascadian Farm Organic Raisin Bran, But When I Bought The Nature’s Path Organic Peanut Butter Panda Puffs, That’s When:
“You’re 54, that cereal is for kids.”
“But I mix it. So I’m half and half, sweet and bran.”
“It’s just gross.”
“But maybe it’s a metaphor: sometimes you’re peanut butter, creamy and smooth. Sometimes you’re bran, crunchy, and takes time to chew.”
“And sometimes you’re an ass and say stupid things.”
“You see, that’s what I mean, and…”
“AND I hate the way you smash down your cereal in the bowl, clinking your spoon against the side.”
“I’m introducing the cereal to the oat milk, spreading it around so each piece starts to soften equally.”
And you look at me and shake your head.
Maybe you have words or maybe, really, there is just
surrender. You decide it’s better to leave
the room and turn on the television
and watch The Real Housewives Of Wherever
bicker. At least none of their husbands
mix cereal, or clink spoons
on the sides of bowls.
One thought on “David Centorbi”
‘If I have heard you chew I have fantasised about your death’
Misophonia is a bitch.
This piece, however, is hilarious!