Jeff Weddle

You Say You Want a Revelation? Well, You Know…

God comes up to me on the street. Says, “Hey, pally-pally, how’s tricks?” 
“Tricks is good,” says I. 
God stares off down the street where the rats are eating the corpse of an old woman 
who died walking home from her crummy waitress job. 
“This shit makes me want to puke,” says God. “What a fucking mess.” 
“I don’t mind,” says I. “But if YOU don’t like things, why not fix it all?”
“I didn’t say I didn’t like it. I just said it makes me want to puke,” says God.
“Damn, bro,” says I. “You sure work in mysterious ways.”
“You know it,” says God, giving me a fist bump. “Stay chill.”
“Groovy,” says I. 
God walks down the street and picks the biggest rat off the old woman’s body 
and shoves it in his mouth. Swallows it whole.
“Mysterious ways,” he yells back at me.
And then the whole world ends, just like that.