John Richard Heath

TMI

Five years ago I
took an ax to my
pecker.

Fact is I
was tired of the fucker.
It ruined the line
of my pants.

Could have
used a saw but figured
an ax was quicker.

Placed it on the block,
took a swing at it
(it looked like a picadillo,
fresh from the deli).

Then, Lordy, it piped
“Hey, Pete here, what
have I ever done
to offend you, man?”

“To start with,” I said,
“You don’t piss straight, then
you lie down when called
to get up

and get up
when discretion
would serve both our needs
better.”

But we made up.
He and I talk most
weeks, we do the
best we can.

Five years on
Pete’s a reformed
character, a model
of continence.

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