Todd Morr

Prepping My Way Back To You Babe

“What do you want?”

Joe stopped short of the porch.

“Just being neighborly. Times like this we need to stick together.”

Caleb looked down at the Bushmaster he was carrying, “I’m fine. Maybe you should worry about yourself.”

They all stopped talking as Donny’s pickup truck cruised by slowly.

Caleb pointed the gun at the young man’s truck. His girlfriend Jenny flipped them the bird before Donny sped away.

“What’s going on Pop?” Zed, Caleb’s twenty-something son who lived in the basement of Caleb’s modest home asked as he joined his dad on the porch. As he eyed Joe his hand moved to the butt of the pistol holstered by his hip.

“That lowlife Donny and his little crackwhore came cruising by all slow like they’re casing the place. Probably should have shot him.”

Zed nodded his approval.

“You still here?” Caleb said to Joe.

“I was just leaving, you stay safe.”

Caleb laughed and tapped the barrel of his rifle, “You do same, city boy.”

Joe nodded and walked away laughing a little at being called ‘city boy’. He’d been Caleb’s neighbor for over a decade.

Rob watched Joe leave. Unlike Caleb and Zed, he hadn’t been collecting weapons for the coming apocalypse. It wasn’t because he had anything against them. He just lost his enthusiasm for them after he had kids. Since home invasions happened around here about as often as anyone won the mega millions he just didn’t see the need. The Taser he had in his pocket and the baseball bat he had under the front seat of his Jeep were much more practical for everyday self-defense anyway.

Once the food riots started, however, arming oneself started making more sense. This didn’t change the fact firearms and bullets cost money Rob didn’t have.

Instead of selling his stuff, Rob started doing some scouting. He figured he’d keep his limited resources and let someone do the weapon collecting for him. It didn’t take long to find Caleb who had so many NRA bumper stickers on his truck they should have been paying him.

While scouting Caleb’s house he noticed the old man television was the same brand as his. Meaning any universal remote would operate it. Rob turned on the television through the back window and cranked up the volume.

“What the fuck did you do to my television?” Caleb asked his son, “Go fix it.”

“You’re the one who doesn’t know how to operate the remote.”

They went back and forth for a while until Caleb got sick of the noise and got up.

“Why won’t the motherfucking thing turn off?” Caleb yelled from the living room.

Zed stood and yelled inside, “You have to use the other remote. It ain’t the cable it’s the one for the television.”

“This is the remote for the television.”

Zed was thinking he was going to have to go show the old man how to fix the television when he heard a creak on the porch. He turned in time to see Rob. He never saw the taser until it was pressed against his neck.

As Rob was gently lowering Zed to the ground Caleb was saying, “Where is the other remote?”

Rob felt bad about this part but he didn’t see another way. He couldn’t afford to stockpile guns but he plenty of knives. He punched Zed in the throat with the blade and stepped back to avoid the arterial spray.

While Zed was rapidly bleeding out he took the Glock out of his holster.

Rob chambered a round and stepped inside.

Caleb heard the footsteps but he was still messing with the T.V.

“What the fuck did you do to the T.V.?” Caleb said without turning around.

Rob double-tapped him in the back. He walked over and put a bullet in the back of the old man’s head to be sure.

He dragged Zed back inside. He wasn’t worried about the law, they didn’t have food either so what people like Rob was doing out in the boondocks didn’t concern them anymore.

He picked up Caleb’s rifle and went scouting.

It didn’t take long to find a small fortune in guns and ammunition. Frankly, there was more than he could carry.

Rob was thinking he should bring his car around when he heard Joe saying, “Put down the guns.”

Rob turned to see Joe aiming a twenty-two pistol at him. He didn’t drop anything but he didn’t raise them up either.

“Why? You making a citizen’s arrest?”


“Then what?”

“I saw you scouting the house. I had a feeling this is what you were up to.”

“But you didn’t warn them?”


“Why not.”

“Why do you think I saw you scouting the place?”

“You were scouting it too.”

“Bingo, I figured I’d let you do the heavy lifting.”

“What now?”

“Caleb had enough guns and supplies for ten people. I figure we can split them.”

“I killed two men for this shit.”

“How about you get first pick?”

“How about I get two thirds and first pick?”

“How about I’m the one with a gun pointed at your head?”

“Yeah, but did you cock it?”

Joe put his thumb on the hammer and pulled it back.

While he was doing that Rob raised the Glock.

Rob fired first. Joe pulled the trigger as the first bullet went through his chest.

Joe hit the ground with three big holes in his chest. Rob went over to put the finishing shot in Joe’s face.

Joe couldn’t lift his arm but he moved his wrist enough to fire his gun. He put a bullet in Rob’s neck.

It was nearly morning by the time Donny and Jenny came creeping around. Like Joe and Rob, they hadn’t been stockpiling weapons either. They’d planned to come calling around midnight after the father and son preppers were asleep but keeping track of time was never a strong suit for either of them. They didn’t really have a plan so it was nice to find the front door open and everybody dead inside.

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