Thumper Devotchka

It’s really fucking hot

Outside and not between us.
Imagine if I was drunk right now?
Alone with the vast awareness of self.

My true one.
Nice to see you.
Kind of.
Not really.

This is exactly why I drank.
I’m all I have.
In the end,
no one will entertain me.
I’m the beast I’ve been hunting from day one.
Got ya.

The jig is up.
The spotlights on.

There’s no sounds left but the fan,
oscillating awkwardly around the room.

My true self. Did I mean to get here?
Was I always destined to get what I deserved?
Me. Nothing else.

An eternity of silence.
Quiet moments in which I disappear and show up,
over and over again until the light goes out.

Was there ever a purpose?
For any of us?

It’s the funniest joke I’ve ever heard.
The one I’m telling.

I put ice cubes around the cat to cool her down.
Feed her a mountain of biscuits because I can’t feed myself.

I’ve been suspended in time for a long time.
Haven’t I?

I’m home safe but don’t tell anyone.
My heart is a stupid, useless toy.

I’m sick of playing so I delete my memories
to chase an honesty this world is yet to know.

Can you hear me?
My mind is full of other people’s thoughts.

We are all terrifying and angry and broken.
Chomping at the bit to get a bit of love.

Never have I ever felt so ordinary
nor did I notice the state of our affairs.

If you look outside you’ll see a world on fire.
If you look inside you’ll get the same effect.

The whole thing is a mirror. An accident.
Flawed from the beginning. Flawed until the end.

I tell myself I’ll make a difference
because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t bother.
The whole show is something I could miss.

God is a structure designed to spare us this feeling.
The dangerous knowing. None of this is real.
None of us are anything or everything.

Don’t say I told you so.

When I wake up, they’ll be nothing left but ash.
An eternal branding, a flag stuck just to say that we were here.

Left to my own devices I’m divisive.
I tunnel underground for preservation and smile at you blankly.
Say the right words to mimic a response.

“It’s really fucking hot.”

So what?

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