More Than Expected
perusing the telephone
singles lines in the late nineties
listening to 20 second messages
a decade or more
before any dating apps existed
where pictures are seen
and locations are known beforehand
this was the Wild West
Russian roulette in a sense
a true gamble
you went by voice and actually
had to trust that the person
on the other end was who
they said they were
trust in humanity?
I know it sounds ridiculous
but I digress
I used to make actual
lists while talking to girls
as to why I shouldn’t be
talking to said girls
but sometimes against
my better judgement
or out of sheer desperation
I would want to meet occasionally
so after a little while on the phone
one night with a cute sounding girl
I got her address and headed her way
it was about a half hour drive
with vague directions
roughly a decade before
regular people had GPS
I was somewhat familiar
with the area so I had that
going for me
as I made the left down
the dirt road into a trailer park
I started to get that
‘what the fuck are you doing’ feeling
and when I pulled up to the dilapidated
mobile home I audibly said
“what the fuck am I doing?”
I soldiered on
I got out of my car and
walked toward this movable home
I passed piles of trash
dogs on chains
and a beat up
El Camino on blocks
I knocked on the door
and a dirty kid answered
I asked for whoever
and the dirty kid screamed out
whoever somebody’s here for you
as I peered through the door
numerous inbred looking faces
looked back at me
there must have been ten
people in that living room
finally she emerged
In all her glory
we locked eyes
and both gave a good
once over to each other
I was shocked
but the first thing she said to me was
“you are bigger than I thought you would be”
I was taken aback
and a little embarrassed
but totally confused at the same time
because as I eyed her I noticed
a well defined at least eighth month
pregnant belly on her
I took a step back and said
“well that makes two of us”
I laughed and cursed all the way home
Horror Sleaze Trash 