One college night, Stacy sat at a small café counter in little white shorts, her legs long and fresh. She licked at an ice cream cone, lapping around its edges, her tongue dappled creamy white. Her friend Nancy was dressed more modest, in jeans and a low-cut sweater. She ate a banana split with a spoon, slowly cutting into it like a soft phallus. The two of them sat on their stools together, swiveling like schoolgirls and laughing.
“But Mark has such a huge cock!” Stacy whispered to Nancy. They covered their mouths to keep from spitting.
Nancy swallowed, then whispered to Stacy, “Johnny has rhythm, but he always wants to titty fuck. God, I can’t stand it much longer! My heart’s gonna bruise!” She put a hand over her chest as they both cracked up and ice cream dribbled down their chins.
Meanwhile, the owner of the café was busy washing dishes back in the kitchen, periodically turning an ear (and an eye) their way.
“Well,” Stacy said, “you think that’s bad, once Mark was giving it to me doggystyle and he slapped me in the back of the head! Called it a donkey-punch!” They both keeled over, dying.
As Stacy regained her composure, she locked eyes with her BFF and had one of those weird moments where she wished she was bi.
Then, cone in hand, she looked over at the tables lining the wall where a lean, older man sat in a frayed, dirty green coat. The bright lights reflected in his dark sunglasses, and long strands of greasy salt and pepper hair hung around his ears. The only other customer in the late-night café, he stared steadily at Stacy, slowly drawing on a cigarette with perfect, unwavering accuracy, though his gaze never seemed to leave her naked legs.
Stacy quickly swivelled in her stool so her legs were beneath the counter, out of the man’s line of sight.
Nancy studied her disgusted expression and asked, “What is it? What’s the matter?”
“That guy,” Stacy said, her voice barely a whisper. “Behind us, in the sunglasses. He’s been… watching me.”
Nancy pretended to brush a loose hair from her shoulder and casually glanced over. The man took another drag off his cigarette, its tip flaring like a smoldering eye, and blew the smoke her way. She pretended to focus her attention out the window at the passing traffic.
And under the table, had she really seen it? The man rubbing his crotch?
“Creepy…” she said, cringing as they both sat with their backs to him.
It was then that the owner ambled out from the kitchen and began to wipe the counters. He leaned over and whispered to the young ladies, “Be careful with that one over there. He’s a real kook…”
Nancy slowly pushed her banana phallus away with disgust. Meanwhile, Stacy’s ice cream had begun to melt; it wove around her fingers.
“What’re we gonna do?” Nancy asked. “I’m sick of old sick fucks… Remember what happened to Clara, in that alley? How’re we gonna to get home?”
“Uh, I know,” Stacy answered. “The dorms are seven blocks away, but I don’t think he’ll be able to catch us if we run…”
The owner was walking all around the café now, cleaning off tables before close. As he approached the man’s table, the man said, “Get me a beer for the wait, would yuh?”
“Sure thing, mister,” the owner replied. “What yuh waitin’ on, anyway?”
“Heaven,” the man said, still facing the two college girls.
Bustling off with an armload of dishes, the owner cast a sidelong glance at them on his way back to the kitchen.
“What the fuck was that all about?” Stacy gasped.
Before Nancy could reply, the owner came back around and brought the man his beer.
Still staring at the girls, the man grabbed it off the table without even looking down. And then, draining it in several slow, steady chugs, he licked his lips, set the empty bottle down, and took another long drag off his cigarette.
“What’re we going to do?” Nancy squealed, pulling down the back of her top to make sure her thong wasn’t showing. “Just leave?”
Stacy chanced a quick glance outside. “There’s a gas station across the street,” she said. “We can run over there and watch to make sure he doesn’t follow us. If he does, we’ll call the fucking cops.”
Nancy faltered for a moment, then gave Stacy the briefest of nods.
“We’ll just leave it on the counter!” she called to the owner as they jumped up and bolted for the door. “Keep the change!”
Jaywalking between headlights, flashing by in the misty night, together they made it past the pumps, through the parking lot, and into the safety of the gas station. They pretended to peruse the shelves, periodically glancing back at the brightly lit café where the man still sat, unmoving at this table.
“He’s not getting up,” Nancy said.
“Let’s stick around a little longer,” Stacy said, “just in case.”
And they did, until they saw the man slowly begin to rise from his seat, pulling something long and knob-shaped from between his legs.
“Is that his cock!?” Stacy gasped as the attendant glanced their way.
“No…” Nancy laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. “It’s his cane…”
Tapping it from side to side, combing the floor for obstacles before him, the man set off in the general direction of the cafe’s entrance. The owner came around the counter and took him by the arm, gently guiding him out and closing the door behind him.
Once outside, the man waited on the curb until a car pulled up and took him away.
The girls giggled hysterically, embarrassed by how wrong they’d read the situation. Once they’d regained their composure, they decided to just forget about it, instinctively wandering over to the magazine racks for some much-needed distraction.
Meanwhile, back in the café, the owner flipped over the closed sign, then proceeded to shut off the lights. There would be no more customers for the night, so he undid his apron, removed his cap, and went back into the kitchen to finish cleaning up.
The girls bought a magazine with a shirtless pop singer on its cover. Together they strolled out of the gas station, smiling despite themselves. Traffic had slowed down quite a bit. It was getting late.
As they began their walk back to campus, Stacy couldn’t help but glance back at the café they’d previously just escaped with their lives.
Suddenly she stopped and grabbed Nancy by the arm.
“Look…” she said, pointing.
Inside the darkened café, there was owner, sniffing the stools they’d been sitting on.