Toucan
i drive off road
until i come across a flat wasteland
hundred degrees in AZ
no water
on E
no phone
there’s no going back
i smile
this’ll do
no humans in sight
might take a while to find me
which is alright
i imagine myself in a couple of months
being a dried out husk
maybe some vultures will pick me to the bones
i finger the barrel of my gun
then i see a bird in the distance
a big colorful bird
what the fuck is that
i aim my gun at it
i look through the scope
i think it’s a toucan
what the fuck is a toucan doing in Arizona
it sees me
and starts flying towards me
it must have escaped captivity
maybe a zoo
maybe a person’s house
it’s making distressed croaking noises
it flies down to me and sits on my shoulder
it’s all fucked up looking
like me
it rubs its beak on my cheek
i pet it
it cries
i cry
it’s OK
i’ll help you big guy
it’s alright
I’ll help you
bang
bang
Horror Sleaze Trash 
You were NOT supposed to make me laugh with such an ending, you were NOT. However, I can’t even squelch the smirk which refuses to leave my face, the alleged friendly hand of Death too perfectly offered under such circumstances, when here I was expecting you to change your attitude. I declare! If this is on HP I’m gonna hafta put it in the “You Make Me Laugh” collection.
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sup
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