Zoltan Komor

Requiem for an Ass

My girlfriend gets fed up with all the people who are always staring at her ass, so one day she locks herself in the bathroom with a giant kitchen knife and chops off both of her buttocks, just like that. They would’ve sew them back on at the hospital, but she lies and says she lost them.

Actually we keep them in a cardboard box on the top of the wardrobe, and I’m the only one who get to look at them. But one night someone breaks into our house, and I find a stranger sitting on our floor with the box in his lap.

He is staring at its contents.

“Get the fuck out!” I shout at him. “Stop staring my girlfriend’s ass!”

I kick him out of the door and I return the cardboard box to its place on top of the wardrobe. But around midnight, we awake to find that someone has break into our apartment again – there are now two middle-aged men standing in the living room, the open box at their feet, and they are gazing down at the cut-off buttcheeks inside.

“Filthy pigs!” my girlfriend screams.

I chase them out from the house with a broom stick.

Afterwards, we agree that I’ll take her ass up into the attic, which sadly means I’ll have to climb the ladder every time I want to pinch her butt.

So next day, I find four strangers up there, just sitting in a circle around the box. It looks like they are in some kind of deep meditation state, transfixed by twin mounds of ass-meat within.

Before they’ve even noticed me, I grab the box and hurry back down the ladder.

At the moment, we’re keeping the box in a locked drawer. I carry the key on a string around my neck. Every now and then, a stranger sneaks into our home and peeps through the drawer’s keyhole.

My girlfriend’s wounds are healing, but she still looks kind of like an apple someone took a couple bites from. Every time we make love, we take her buttocks out from the drawer.

I put on some latino music, and I tell her: “Shake your ass, baby!” So she begins to shake the cardboard box in her hands – her buttocks bouncing around inside.

With the use of some adhesive tape, we temporarily reattach her butt back onto her, and she gives me a really nice lap dance. The adhesive tape isn’t almighty, however, and she leaves one of her asscheeks in my lap.

It’s a bit awkward, but she smiles just the same, snatching up her asscheek and rubbing me with it like it was a sponge or something. The strangely preserved meat leaves a odd slime all over my skin.

I gaze at the small black dot on the asscheek in her hand – the lovely birthmark that brings back so many fond memories. It is then that a small, wriggling worm squirms out from under it. My girlfriend screams and throws her asscheek to the floor.

We always knew there was something special about that ass, but even an ass that great can’t resist decomposition forever.

After a few days, my girlfriend’s butt ends up in the trash. Now strangers are gathering around the garbage can out front, unable to take their eyes off it for a second. It seems my girlfriend doesn’t care anymore that they are staring at her butt. Instead, she seems to miss it for the first time.

“But there are many things more important than a butt, right?” she asks through welling tears.

“Of course,” I tell her, as they all come to mind.

The morning stretching, for example. Or walking in a forest. The marrow-melting sadness of the snapping of deer antlers. The calmness of long forgotten costumes, the silent swinging of the coat hangers in a dusty old wardrobe. The gold resin drops hanging from wounded trees – my mother used to say they were the honeyed teardrops of angels.

These are all more important than an ass, to be frank.

The wet milk skin of puberty, when adulthood gathers in the corners of your eyes, like morning rose spores. The drying gypsum sculptures of the secret thoughts in your skull. The vanishing pulsation of the stolen body heat after holding hands. All of these are more important than having an ass.

There are many more important things, I tell myself, joining the long line that has formed down the block for a peek at my girlfriend’s butt.

Fiona Helmsley

They All Want to Piss on You

High on heroin, we had sex on his mom’s blue-grey dining room carpet, and the small of my back was ripped raw and bloody by the carpet’s stiff fibers. Curly-q’s of frayed skin formed a frame around the tramp stamp of a wet wound. He went into the kitchen to get paper towels to clean me up, and me from the carpet.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked.

“It was strange,” I answered. “It didn’t really hurt, but I knew that if we didn’t stop, there would be a consequence. I had to make a choice. Usually the pain makes the decision for you. I decided not to decide.”

I watched in the dining room mirror as he dabbed the area of my back with peroxide and care.

“This might leave a scar,” he said. “I’m not going to lie. I like the idea that I may have scarred you forever.” His eyes gave off an electrical medicated sparkle.

Over the next few weeks, he’d randomly lift the back of my shirt to chart the healing process.

When we last saw each other, the scab had fallen off, revealing a faded blue-grey bruise underneath, a surprisingly close match to his mother’s carpet.

There was a slight scar, but years later, only I, knowing what to look for, could ever make it out.

***

A few weeks into our coupling, my present boyfriend and I were having sex on the industrial carpet in his work shop. We’d been drinking, and were still in that first stage of a relationship, when you are polite and considerate, and on your best behavior. He was grinding into me, the small of my back flush with the carpet’s rough surface. There is something about that part of my back, sitting or standing, it curves inward, but lying flat, it aligns itself with whatever is underneath. Maybe all backs do this. I could feel the scraping this time – back and forth, up and down – the carpet as sandpaper, my back as a piece of wood. My boyfriend had read something I’d written online and decided I was a masochist. So early in our relationship, I didn’t want to let him down.

When we finished, I stood up.

“Oh my goodness,” he said. “You’re bleeding.”

He went to go retrieve his first aid kit. He’s like that. Every situation has its dovetailing tool. He came back, his hands fishing around inside the plastic box, looking, I assumed, for some kind of bandage.

“The spot is too awkward,” I said. “I don’t think anything would stay on.”

He touched his finger softly to the wound. “Your beautiful back… I think I might have scarred you…”

For a moment he seemed genuinely mournful.

“I kind of like the idea I may have scarred you forever.”

***

One more.

A few years ago, I became painfully skinny. The only thing I didn’t like about my size was my breasts. Every part of me had been reduced, my breasts included, and I became intrigued with the idea of getting a breast job.

I was seeing a guy in Brooklyn, who made a good salary.

“You should pay for me to get a breast job,” I suggested, one Saturday morning, over coffee.

He seemed to think about it.

“What if we broke up?” he said. “I wouldn’t want another guy touching the breasts I paid for. Nah, I don’t think I like that.”

“Obviously, you must have some doubts about of our relationship, if when you look into the future, you see some other man touching my breasts.”

“I don’t like it. Maybe I’d do it if we were married.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to be married to a person who didn’t trust me enough to cover my breast job unless we were married.”

That seemed to put him for a loop. His large salary wasn’t based on intellect.

“I’d have to think about it,” he said, a sneaky grin spreading across his face. “I do kind of like the idea of scarring you forever.”

India LaPlace

Poetry Boys

They know they’ll reel you in with those carefully spun words,
Words that read like music and make you swoon.
Words they use to build themselves up in their own minds
So they can carelessly compare themselves
to all that they’ve romanticized.
Bukowski.
Kerouac.
Burroughs.
Ginsberg.
Go ahead and fancy yourselves a “new beat generation.”
String those words together as well as you can manage,
At least they’re pretty on a printed page.

They’ll make you blush.
Those smiles, that spark in their eyes,
They wear their costume – dark demented soul – so well
That you’ll fall for how they fall for you,
How they just can’t live without you,
They’re in love and they know it.
You’ll fall for how they watch you
Because you’ve never noticed a red flag in your life.
Animal-like. Almost primal.

They’ll play up their sob stories
Because it’s so much easier to play a victim or a martyr,
To tell you how unfair their lives have been
Then it is to tell you that they’re fucked up.
They’ll cry about how things didn’t turn out.
The dreams they never chased, never really worked for,
Surprise. Those didn’t pan out either.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
A few reworded quotes, a couple of lines
Read just the right way, in just the right voice.
Their picture, their video masked with just the right filter.
Deep. Tortured. Begging.
Please, please choke on this regurgitated shit.

There are men who write poetry who aren’t
Whiny, unevolved, poor little poetry boys,
But those men are poets,
Not boys who slide into your messages with:

“I’m drunk.”

“I’m horny.”

“My wife/girlfriend
Doesn’t love me anymore.”

“I’m sad so I can go behind her back,
But she belongs to me.”

“Sure, I’m messaging some cute young thing,
But that bitch finally found happiness
In a real man’s arms instead of
Worshipping and appreciating the ego that is me.”

Poetry boys spin their words with their pens,
Their typewriters – if we’re going to get real hipster about it –
Because real words, substance, gets stuck in their throats,
And they haven’t faced themselves in the mirror
In god knows how long.
They want you weak at the knees with your legs and heart open,
So they smile those smiles, wink those winks.

“Let me fill you up so I can fill up all the parts of me
That I haven’t already drowned out with booze.”
Because all the real artists are alcoholics, right?

Oliver Stansfield

Money Shots

these days he takes two blue pills
just to get started—
like a battered engine
on a frosty morning
mechanisms splutter to life.
an old frustrated bull
he can still go all day.

on cheaply lit bedroom sets
he fills squealing blondes,
their perky plastic tits bouncing wildly,
but now he worries about his creaky knees.
his contract requires a comfortable cushion.
energetic cow girls half his age
ride him fast,
instinctively he grabs
their tight little asses
squeezing for the camera—
all a blur to his tired eyes.

he misses the seventies, Hef and Jack’s debauchery:
jacuzzi orgies with champagne,
bunnies and cocaine lines,
when fucking
was a work of art.

J.A. Carter-Winward

Natural Enemy

I started having affairs in my second marriage.

I could think of all sorts of ways to justify them,
one reason being he was always so spent
from looking at internet porn, but no matter.
Point is, I fucked around,
and I liked it.

I especially liked married men,
so sex-starved and disillusioned…
they were always hungry.

And I got to be the thing
they looked forward to the most.
It was great for the ego, theirs as well as mine.
They did shit with me
their wives would never do.
I would, not for them, but for me.

But my biggest excuse
was the role each wife played
in sending their husbands my way.

She withheld sex, bartered, manipulated.
And plus, she’d let herself go—
safely married, she no longer worried
about being attractive, interesting, or dynamic.
She’d reject his advances because he didn’t compliment
her new fucking earrings
or some shit.

The story was always the same.

So, in a way,
I was their sexual
comeuppance.

I was their punishment for their gratuitous arrogance;
taking their husbands for granted; holding them hostage
with their dry, uninviting cunts.
And the shitty bait ‘n’ switch
they’d pulled at the altar
the moment
they said
I do.

I’m not saying it was right
and I don’t do it anymore,
but I was
that woman,
once.

The one all housewives
whispered about
when their husbands
were finally caught
cheating.

I was a golem, the succulent succubus
of their serene suburban nightmares:

A terrible justice,
sucking on their
husband’s cocks.

Tatiana Luna

tatimoons
My name is Tatiana and I was born in May 1998. I’m a self-taught digital artist and I go as Tati MoonS. I mostly paint girls and women, but you can find some animals and males in my artwork as well.

Horror Sleaze Trash: I’m really excited to get the chance to talk with you! I love your artwork so much! Tell us a little about yourself.
Tatiana: So, my real name is Tatiana and my last name Luna. I was born in Spain in 1998. I turned 20 in May and my favorite animals are tarantulas and giraffes.

HST: When did you first become interested in art? What made you decide to start create the work that you do?
Tatiana: I have been interested in art since I was a child, I can’t remember exactly when it began! I’ve always painted girls and my favorite characters, so my style has developed itself, making me create the work I do nowadays!

HST: Your character fanart is actually how I first discovered your art! I came across your Marceline and Bubblegum and loved them. I’m a huge fan of Adventure Time. Anyway, what would you say most inspires you?
Tatiana: There is nothing at all that inspires me, but at the same time everything inspires me. It’s really just everyday living, I guess. I get really inspired and involved in every little detail, or from a little idea that gets bigger and bigger and that’s really it. Sorry if that’s a boring answer, but it’s the truth! I always keep myself involved in things that require something related to art, like video games for instance.

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HST: How do you feel your art has changed and developed over the years?
Tatiana: As I said before, I’ve always painted females and fanart. It’s always on the same line but with slight differences that have eventually developed into what I do now. When I was a child, about 3 to 4 years old, my parents always gave me Disney Princess stuff like stickers, colouring books, all that girly stuff that dads and moms usually give to their little girl. I also loved painting so if we take a look back to my first drawings, they were Cinderella fanart. But in 2002, Bratz dolls came into my life and I loved them! I thought their style was unique. I loved the fact that they wear big platforms (which I love, I have many!) and they wear black! My favorite color! I instantly began painting them. My interest in clothing started to increase as well. When I was about 7, the Internet came to me and discovered the goth/emo/scene style and fell in love. So I painted ‘goth’ Bratz and darker original characters. But, I also played a lot of video games when I was a child, which gave me interest in digital stuff. My dad gave me my first Wacom tablet when I was younger, but it was hard to use which made me give up on digital world for a long time. In 2010, I moved to another city where I started high school and I stopped painting since I had no time. Sometimes I painted very dark original drawings focused on pencil portrait, but I usually only drew while I was in class. It was a lot of quick pen sketches of women with messages promoting the ‘free the nipple’ movement and other similar movements. That was the year I really involved myself in feminism. I kept doing that until 2016, when I decided that I wanted to make my own t shirt brand and decided to use the graphic tablet again. In December of that year, I opened my Instagram account to share that stuff. I was reported, so Instagram deleted my account for nudity (even though they say you can post females nipples if it’s a drawing). I was finally able to reactivate it, but I was kind of disappointed that I had to censor my art, so I rarely posted or painted anymore. I had to convince myself to start painting girls with clothes again, which really sucked for me, but as time passed I was enjoying that more and more, and then suddenly I found myself painting everyday and finding the perfect job! So that is the story of how my art developed! It’s been a mix from all the painting stages and styles in my life; Disney princesses and others with cool clothes, promoting feminism whenever I can, and of course tattoos, scarifications and others since I really loved the 90s hardcore scene as I was a teen!

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HST: What other hobbies or art do you indulge in? What do you like to do with your free time?
Tatiana: Whenever I’m not painting, I spend a lot of time playing or creating something on The Sims 4! And this isn’t a hobby since I don’t practice it yet, but I would love to be able to tattoo some day. That’s been a passion of mine since I was a teen. I also spent a year studying to become a dead-bodies makeup artist/preparer (I think it’s call an undertaker in English, but I’m not sure), so if I ever have time I would love to do that job as a hobby as well.

HST: What other artists do you look up to and/or admire?
Tatiana: There are a lot! This is the hardest question, honestly. Astri Lohne was the one that made me want to keep doing digital art even though it wasn’t my style (plus, I love all her illustrations). David Lucas’s art is phenomenal too. On the other hand, we have Ursula Decay. I wish I was able to paint cartoon drawings like hers! There’s also the traditional stuff like Victoria Frances. Pff! There are so many artists!!!

HST: Do you have a favorite piece that you’ve worked on? Is there one that was most challenging?
Tatiana: I love my fanart of Shego! But my ‘Darlene Pian’ one still my favorite. That one is very beloved, since was one of my firsts and has a lot of meaning to me. The most challenging one was the Sailor Moon fanart I did. I tried to get out of my comfort zone and paint a background, but I feel like I messed it up so I quite hate it.

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HST: Speaking of challenging, you mentioned to me that you often have other people use your work for various reasons without speaking with you first. Is that something that’s frustrating to you or does it not bother you too much?
Tatiana: If someone takes my art and gives me credit properly, I have no problem, even though I think that asking first gives you some professionalism. (I don’t know if this is legal to say, but BoredPanda never asked me if they could use my work, and it’s okay because I don’t mind, but as a big magazine, someday someone could get mad at that). But there are some other little things that bother me; obviously deleting my sign or not giving me credit, and what I hate the most is when they ‘edit’ my art. For example, cropping only the paintings where I added stretch marks and hiding them, or hiding t shirt quotes. Seems like they do not want polemic, but if you are going to gain views and cash with my art, then do things properly or go home since I do not only want to paint characters if not giving a message too.

HST: I think that’s a really good point. I bet a lot of artists feel that way. What’s your favorite movie and/or book?
Tatiana: There are a lot of movies! I can’t pick one! But probably The Nightmare Before Christmas or Coraline or Spirited Away! As far as books go, I really love the Emily the Strange saga. Also, Rébecca Dautremer’s illustrations are awesome.

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HST: I’m a big fan of Coraline and Spirited Away myself. You also mentioned you like video games. What are your favorite video games?
Tatiana: My favorite video game is Kingdom Hearts! But I also really enjoy survival horror ones, like Silent Hill or the first Resident Evils. I also love Forbidden Siren 2. Oh, and of course there are the classics, like Crash Bandicoot 1 or 3, Spyro… all that stuff.

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HST: Are there any fictional characters that are your favorite? Are there any you relate to?
Tatiana: I love Scarlett Kensignton from the book ‘Ghostgirl’, which I read when I was 10 or so. In fact, I really love almost all books characters since I can imagine my own version of them! I also relate a lot to Violet from ‘The Incredibles’.

HST: Well, thank you so much for talking to us! It’s been a pleasure and we can’t wait to see more of your art in the future! Where can we find you and connect with you online? Social media? Website?
Tatiana: It’s been a pleasure for me ❤ I post all my content on Instagram @tatimoons. You can also find me posting stuff on my Facebook page and I try to make daily updates on my Patreon page. I also have a website where you can find my full portfolio and shop!

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Leah Mueller

Disturbing the Universe

One summer, I painted
the Desiderata on the walls
of a deserted Civil War mansion.
My best friend was visiting
from California. We swam in the pool
and played tennis at the edge of town.
At night I stole furtive glimpses
of her long body, dark hair
piled on top of her head
and carefully secured with bobby pins.
She slept in a folding cot
at the edge of my mattress,
rolling and tossing in the Illinois heat.
We talked feverishly about our virginity–
how we might lose it, and to whom.
She was convinced I’d surrender mine first.

We nabbed containers of powdered paints
from my mother’s kitchen cupboard,
carried warm water in jugs for blocks,
laughing at our cleverness.
The building’s crumbling walls
were defaced with coy obscenities:
“Meet me here at 10 PM.
Wear cut-offs and nothing else.
Blow me.” Carefully, I painted
red and green and brilliant blue
over scrawled pictures of erect penises,
copied words from the sacred text
about disenchanted love, perennial as grass,
and decorated the gaping edges of holes
with flowering vines and sunrises.

My best friend’s artwork
was always more fluid than mine,
her hands steady while she dabbed
a tiny paintbrush on dirty plaster.
As vivid color stretched across the walls,
more girls paraded to the mansion,
carrying brushes, markers and glitter.
Each of us either copied a line
from the text or devised our own quotes.
I branched out to TS Eliot verses,
since I had painstakingly memorized
“The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock”
several weeks beforehand.
The aged building overflowed with words.

A reporter from the small-town paper
photographed our artwork,
somehow capturing its brightness,
even in black and white.
She took pictures of my friend and me
standing in front of our paintings,
both of us looking solemn and deep.
She asked why we were determined
to decorate a decaying house
that had stood abandoned for years.
We wanted to transform ugliness
into beauty, bring dignity back
to the majestic structure.
She nodded at us sagely,
though she didn’t really understand,
and wrote a nice puff piece
that ran two weeks later.
By then, my friend had returned to California.

Two days after the story broke,
I eagerly climbed the broken stairs
to the mansion’s second floor,
but our paintings had been destroyed.
Someone had smashed holes
in the flowers and sunrises,
and written obscenities next to the quotes.
It took great determination
to destroy the work
we had spent so many days creating.
That person needed to bring
a combination of rocks and hammers
to the top of a collapsing staircase
and attack a wall repeatedly.

The colors made him furious.
My friend sighed when I told her,
and said, “Well, that’s just how
people are, I guess.” It was easy
for her to be philosophical, since
she was two thousand miles away
and couldn’t see the destruction.
She was always more lucky than I.

Leah Mueller

Free-Range Teens

I worried about promiscuity
when I was seventeen,
and its alignment
with moral character.
I felt certain
I had sacrificed
my own values
without much resistance,
and I feared this
would go on
a permanent record
that would reflect badly
on me, later.

In secret locations,
I furtively opened
medical pamphlets,
library books,
and paperbacks I’d bought
at yard sales.
I read everything I could
about penises and vaginas,
eagerly devoured details
about their angles
and dimensions.
I gorged myself
with gaudy images,
but felt sick afterward,
as if I’d eaten
too many hamburgers.

My boyfriend and I
had an elaborate ritual
that summer-
I spread out my body
on his basement couch
like a cheap buffet.
While my head
nestled in his lap,
my boyfriend probed
the inside of my vagina
one furtive digit at a time,
until he was finally able
to place his entire hand
inside me, at least as far
as his knuckles.

His parents
never came downstairs,
and never asked
what we were doing:
it was 1970s America,
and they couldn’t
have been less interested.
We ate hot dogs
in bright red baskets
at the drive-in afterward,
and my boyfriend
talked about planets
and where he was going
to college in the fall.

None of my
moral pronouncements
made a goddamn
bit of difference,
because our parents
and geography
would shove us
so far apart that
we would never find
each other again.

Milkshakes and sex
were all we had
at the moment-
the viscous sweetness
of cream,
and rapid metabolisms
that would make it
much easier
to forget everything.

Jim Farren

Thy Brother’s Keeper

Iron Mary poured thick, chicory-laced coffee into two chipped mugs and set them on the three-legged, formica-topped table propped into one corner of her kitchen. Easing herself onto a rickety, straight-backed chair she nudged a tin of evaporated milk toward her brother.

Picking up the tin, Grady poured until his coffee was the color of brown sugar then returned it to the table and tapped the silver top with a blunt fingertip. Squinting one eye nearly closed he grinned across the table. “You remember what we used to say after Ma started buying this canned cow?

“No tits to pull

No shit to pitch.

Just punch a hole

In the sonuvabitch.”

His grin broadened as Iron Mary threw back her head and laughed. When she righted herself there was a dribble of tobacco juice at one corner of her mouth.

“How long’ve you lived here now, Sis?”

Iron Mary slurped her coffee and looked around the room. Scrunching up her face she spat into the Old Luzianne can that served as spittoon. “Thirty year come fall,” she said in a voice thick with phlegm . . . then added, “Mebbe thirty-one.”

“And nobody left now but you.”

“Well, me ’n that damned billy goat,” she nodded toward the yard outside the window. “He wouldn’t stay around ‘cept nobody else’ll bake him biscuits. The mangy bastard ate the tops off two rows of my winter carrots last week. If I could find the bullets to my rifle I’d shoot him, if I could find my rifle. I’d shoot him right between the eyes only he’s so hard headed it prob’ly wouldn’t take. Why’d you ask?”

“Oh, I was just thinking about all the people who’re gone,” Grady said. Staring out the back door at what had once been a piddling town but was now nothing but collapsed buildings and overgrown lots, he sighed. “The place sure lived up to its name, huh?”

Iron Mary cackled at that, the dribble of tobacco juice turning into a trickle she had to wipe away with the leathery palm of her hand. “You’re remembering what Ma said, ain’t you?”

Grady nodded.

“We come up the hill in that old yella pick-up truck with the burnt-out clutch. Me, you, and Buell in the back; Ma and Pa up front. Took us what, two and a half, three hours to climb the mountain? Pa stopping every couple of miles to fill the radiator and Ma getting madder every time he pulled over. Uprooted was the word she used, wadn’t it? Uprooted and moved with never so much as a do-you-mind, is what she said. Then after the longest time we turned yonder at the bottom of what ended up being Main Street. Pa puffed up big and proud as a peacock, Whataya think, darling? he asked Ma. Seems mighty small, she says with a sniff. That kind of put him off so he tells her he somehow recollected the place as being bigger than this. Well, Ma says, it sure as hell must a’ shrunk.”

Iron Mary laughed so hard she hiccupped, then spat into the coffee can and slurped from her mug. “By the time they got around to giving us a post office Pa’s store was doing so good nobody argued when he said that ought to be the name of the place . . . Mustashrunk.”

“Ma never did think it was funny,” Grady grinned.

“Can you blame her?” Iron Mary’s voice took on an edge. “Little pissant town in the middle of the road and her without a friend or neighbor to her name.”

Grady took time to roll and light a cigarette before returning the Prince Albert can to his hip pocket and wiping at the table top with a callused hand. “I miss her, Sis, you know? Her being gone all these years and I still miss her something fierce. Pa, too.”

“If you’d ever settled down with a good woman it’d be easier for you now,” Iron Mary said.

“Sure,” Grady said derisively. “Like having a man around ever did you a lot of good. Twice widowed and your kids never coming to visit. What do you get for your trouble, Christmas cards from California?”

Iron Mary took her time getting up from the table. Crossing to the chipped enamel sink she gazed out the window at the thickening dusk. “Lookit that damned goat,” she muttered. “Standing spraddle-legged in the middle of my garden deciding what he’s gonna eat next. The sonuvabitch done got half a row of beets.” Rapping sharply on the pane with bony knuckles she hollered through the glass. “GET OUTTA THERE YOU MANGY, LOP-EARED BASTARD! AND STAY OUT ELSE I’LL BARBECUE YOUR SPOTTED ASS.”

Fetching the coffee from the stove she refilled their mugs then resumed her seat and sighed.

“It ain’t as bad as you make out, Grady. My daughters done good for themselves. It’s only their husbands I can’t abide me. I don’t blame the girls for staying away; a woman’s first loyalty is to her man. God knows I was loyal to mine, both of ’em. Me and that four-poster bed in yonder plumb wore the first one out. The way we went at it it’s a wonder I ain’t got a dozen chil’run. And the second one was just as randy. Yes sir, I always did like my lovin’. Still do, ‘cept finding a willing partner ain’t as easy these days.” She cleared her throat and emptied it into the coffee can. “The fact I don’t have steady company’s no reason you shouldn’t be warm at night. Don’t you get tired living alone?”

Grady stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray then reached again for the condensed milk. “I reckon I do, but who’d have me? When I was a younger man I was too worried about whiskey, horses and the kind of gal I daren’t bring home. Now I’m three years into social security and live in a shack that makes this place look like something special. I got two hun’erd dollars in the bank, a crippled hound near old as me, a Massey Ferguson tractor that runs half the time, and just enough corn to keep my hogs fed through the winter if we don’t get a long spell of snow. My knees creak like hick’ry splits, my teeth were made by a jackleg dentist, and I don’t shave these days as it’s easier not to. I smell of farts and failure, Sis. Oh yeah, I’m a door prize.”

“That depends on who you talk to,” Iron Mary wiped a thread of tobacco juice from her chin.  “Esther McClung’d give her eyeteeth to get you, assuming she had any. She asks of you every time I see her. She gets a faraway look in her eye when your name comes up, Grady. Was she a younger woman I’d call her giddy.”

“Ester McClung,” he snorted. “Now that’d be a match, wouldn’t it? She’d have me cleaned up, watered down, and sitting in the front pew at church before I got my duffle unpacked. Why I’d be tiptoeing around her house in sock feet afraid to scuff the carpet. And Lord knows she’d all the time be pestering me to do this, do that, or do something else. Ester McClung? No thank you, ma’am.”

“What about Imogene Walkup then? There’s a woman to keep your back warm come cold weather. Living above the drugstore the way she does, your place’d seem a mansion to her. Imogene likes her pork, too. She’s always asking after your hogs.”

“No wonder, fat as she is. I’m not sure I got enough corn to keep her fed all winter.”

“Well, I’m beginning to see why you sleep alone, Grady. Your problem is you’re too damn particular and that’s not good in a man your age.” With that Iron Mary folded her hands and pursed her lips, staring down into her lap.

Grady extracted the Prince Albert can from his back pocket and took his time rolling another cigarette. He lit it with a kitchen match and took a deep drag. When Iron Mary refused to look up from her lap he sighed.

“Understand me, Sis. I ain’t gonna do it,” he said softly. Before she could protest, he continued, “Ever’ time you start talking about women lusting after me it ends up this same way—you wanting me to move in here. I ‘preciate your concern, truly I do. But the answer is no just like it was the last time this come up and will be the next. You know I love you, Sis. And I know you’re as lonely as I am, but it just ain’t right.”

Embarrassed, Iron Mary sniffled. Looking up from under a long hank of gray hair she took in a whistling breath and let it out slowly. “Buell didn’t see the wrong in it,” she reminded him quietly. “It didn’t hurt him none, neither, if you ask me,” she added lamely.

“That’s not the point and you know it. Besides, Buell’s dead. I ought to know, I buried him.”

“I still can’t believe the two of you fought over me.”

“Not over you, Sis—about you. It ain’t the same thing.”

“What do they call it, what you done?”

“It’s called fratricide and it’s a sin.”

“We’re all sinners, Grady. That’s the thing of it.”

“The thing of it is I’m searching for redemption.”

“Well, it ain’t like you and me never done it before, Grady.”

“That was then, Sis, this is now. Christ, we were kids. We didn’t know any better. Leastways I didn’t know any better.”

“Buell weren’t a kid these last several years. He knew better and still liked it just fine.”

Grady simply looked at her.

“Come on to bed with me, Grady,” Iron Mary said. “The night get long and I’m chilled to the bone.”

“I can’t, Sis,” Grady’s face knotted up until it looked like a clenched fist. “I won’t,” his voice cracked over the word.

Iron Mary rose from the table and went to the sink again. Peering out the window she hissed, “Lookit that sonuvabitch.” Clawing to throw up the sash she stuck out her head and screamed, “GET OUTTA THERE YOU HEATHEN FROM HELL! TOUCH ANOTHER ONE OF THEM CABBAGES AND I’LL CASTRATE YOU!”

Slamming the window shut she backhanded a jelly glass off the drain board onto the floor where it skittered across the worn linoleum. “God damn,” she spat. “I do not know why I put up with that critter!”

With her back to her brother, Iron Mary stood frozen for several minutes while the silence grew until it was somehow louder than her yelling had been. Turning from the window she leaned across the table and rested her weight on stiffened arms. Her face was inches from Grady’s, half-curtained by a stringy hank of hair. She caught his eyes with hers, her gaze pinning him to the chair like an insect specimen. Her face was creased, like wadded cloth, a soft brown trickle of tobacco juice at one corner of her mouth.

“I’m going to my room now,” she said softly. “Be sure to turn off the light before you come in.”

Grady stared up at her. After a moment he blinked.

“Or before I leave,” he said.

“Or that,” Iron Mary pushed herself upright. Using her tongue to work the plug of tobacco from her cheek she spat it into the coffee can. Wiping her chin dry she smoothed the wrinkled front of her dress with nervous hands, her bony fingers plucking lightly at the buttons as she turned from the table in an arthritic pirouette.

She paused at the kitchen doorway.

“You and me’re all either of us got left, Grady,” she told his back. “Hell, we’re all we ever had whether you admit it or not. And don’t try to tell me you ain’t chilled, too.”

Motionless at the table Grady focused his eyes on one of the oilcloth’s red checkerboard squares.

He heard the floorboards creak as Iron Mary walked down the hallway to her bedroom.

After a while he got up from his chair and carefully gathered up the chipped mugs as if they were priceless china then placed them in the sink.

He heard Iron Mary pulling the bedroom window curtains closed.

Returning the tin of condensed milk to the refrigerator he noticed the only other items on the shelves were a bottle of Heinz catsup, half a loaf of Wonder Bread, and an open package of Oscar Mayer bologna.

He heard Iron Mary’s work shoes being kicked off into a corner.

Looking out the kitchen window he saw that the goat was still in the garden, contentedly munching a rutabaga.

He heard the bed creak in protest as it took Iron Mary’s weight.

Crossing to the short wall between the two doors, one leading outside and the other down the hallway, Grady raked the fingers of one hand through his hair then wash-ragged the same hand across his face as if that would somehow change his features.

He listened to the catch in Iron Mary’s breathing as she cried.

Standing alone in the dimly lit kitchen, like an actor left on stage, Grady wondered how they’d come to this? Or rather, wondered how they never seemed to have left it?

He heard the bedsprings creak as Iron Mary rolled over, the sound of her fist striking a pillow.

His mind’s eye could picture her withered body, awash in tears and shivering beneath the Eastern Star quilt that once covered their childhood bed. From nowhere one of his mother’s homilies came to Grady, the one she had used to instruct her children on the importance of family; Home is the place that when you have to go there, they have to take you in. It amazed him how the more things changed the more they really did stay the same. And it amazed him, too, that after all these years he was still able to cry.

With the sound of his sister’s sobbing thick in his ears Grady stood betwixt the two doorways, coughed softly and, with fingers as wooden as his heart, reached for the wall switch to turn off the light.