J.J. Campbell

apologizing for the mess

 
i’ve always pictured
my death as a rainy
night at home alone
 
beethoven on the
old stereo
 
the ninth symphony
on repeat
 
bottles on the floor
 
a shotgun in the corner
 
and i would be in
the bathroom, crying
 
the only thing in my head
would be my father calling
me a failure when i was
seven years old
 
and how i never could
prove him wrong
 
i’d finally write the
perfect goodbye
 
apologizing for the mess
 
and wondering why i was
never good enough for
anyone to love
 
and somewhere around
the ode to joy
 
my brains are on the walls
 
slowly trickling down
 
like tears

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