Karl Koweski

the knuckle-headed son conundrum

the latest goat path my son has investigated
on his never-ending quest for gainful employment
has led him to the Waffle House, an isolated
oasis of shitty food on the south end of town.
out here on the perimeter of desperate sustenance,
meager resumes mean nothing to management.
they hired him to their wait staff following a five
minute interview comprised of nothing more than
shrugs, meaningful grunts, and zero eye contact.

I’m skeptical of the boy’s ability to last the
length of a shift slinging hash and cheese steak.
the knuckle-headed son conundrum defines
every interaction we share. I can’t accept the
social limitations he has placed upon himself.
I want him to find his happiness. I just don’t want
that happiness to be lying on his bed, playing
military strategy games on his laptop, subsisting
on a diet of chicken nuggets and scrambled eggs.

upon receiving the news of his latest occupational
adventure, I challenge him to show me how he
would go about taking a patron’s breakfast order.
“you like to roleplay with your dungeon and dragons
buddies, roleplay with your father, except instead
of pretending you’re a dwarven barbarian with a lisp,
you’re a Waffle House waiter and I’m a jangling
meth addict with a hankering for omelets and
eight dollars in assorted change in my pockets.

my son wavers, self-confidence has never been his
forte, despite having a farther of Herculean proportions.
finally, he squeaks out an ineffectual “hello,
welcome to Waffle House, can I take your order?”
and I scream GIVE ME THE BREAKFAST PLATTER
RIGHT NOW, MOTHERFUCKER! RIGHT NOW!
WHERE’S MY COFFEE? YOU GOT THREE SECONDS
TO GET ONE COFFEE, TWO CREAMS AND SIX
SUGARS BEFORE I TORCH THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

the boy seems shook by this exchange, and I can
only shake my head, sadly, and point out he doesn’t
even know how to fight which is a Waffle House
prerequisite since every other exchange will be
similar to the one we just played out in the kitchen.
anyway, lots of luck, I offer him, he’ll do just fine, though
every time I send him to the grocery store for three items,
he’s lucky to return with two, one of them invariably wrong.

Damon Hubbs

Black Motorbikes

Was it too much too soon 
all the racing against impermanence 
on the back of black motorbikes…  
You had the feeling 
it was going to be an odd year
and it’s true 
all the girls at the Peppermint Lounge
have matching beehives.
Who wants a fresh take on modern love 
when you can draw Rimbaud’s face on a windowpane. 
There was fun to be had 
and I stabbed myself in the heart,
built a shrine over the hole 
whilst yet to prove  
I can lick the heat off your body. 
We differed with the classics 
and Jessica says karate is as bitchin’ as ever in the Valley. 
We’d go west but you’d burn down the scenery.
Let’s breathe close to the knives, you say 
Let’s smoke a cigar 
with what’s left of living.

Alex S. Johnson

Greed-Aid: Press Release

In an era where billionaires struggle to launch themselves into space on mere pocket change, Greed-Aid stands as a beacon of hope for our beleaguered corporate overlords. This star-studded spectacle aims to raise awareness and critical funds for entities that barely scrape by on billions in quarterly profits. The event will feature a lineup of heavily-sponsored artists performing their greatest hits while wearing logos so large they’re visible from failing corporate satellites.

“We’ve seen countless charity events for trivial causes like hunger, disease, and climate change,” says event organizer John Q. Greedhead, adjusting his solid platinum tie pin. “But who speaks for the corporations? Who stands up for the holding companies?” The concert promises to be a transformative experience, with ticket prices starting at the modest sum of one worker’s annual salary.

Greed-Aid will take place in the recently renamed Amazon Prime Gardens (formerly Central Park). The event will feature special VIP experiences, including “Trickle-Down Seating” where wealthy attendees can literally sit above the masses on suspended platforms, allowing their champagne spillage to rain down upon the common folk.

All proceeds will go directly to helping corporations maintain their essential services, such as luxury board retreats and algorithmic employee replacement programs. “It’s time we recognized the real victims,” Greedhead continues, dabbing his eyes with hundred-dollar bills. “Have you seen the price of corporate jets lately? It’s heartbreaking.” 

The public is urged to dig deep into their rapidly depleting savings to support this crucial cause. As our corporate benefactors face the unthinkable prospect of slightly reduced profit margins, we must ask ourselves: if we don’t stand up for billion-dollar companies, who will? 

For more information about how you can help preserve the endangered lifestyle of the 1%, visit http://www.greed-aid.con or contact our platinum-level customer service team at 1-900-CASHGRAB (calls billed at $999.99 per minute, with all proceeds going to executive bonus protection programs.

About Greed-Aid: Founded in the offshore tax haven of your choice, Greed-Aid represents the ultimate evolution of charitable giving – upward mobility of wealth at its finest. We believe in the power of music to open both hearts and wallets, primarily wallets. Our mission is to ensure that no corporation ever has to face the indignity of paying their fair share of taxes or providing living wages to workers.

Contact:

John Q. Greedhead III, Esq.

Chief Exploitation Officer

Greed-Aid Enterprises LLC

Phone: 1-800-FUK-PEPL

Email: golden.parachute@greed-aid.con

Remember: Your support today ensures a brighter tomorrow for those who need it least.

Nate Mancuso

Dividers

I don’t know where I am, but I know I need to go somewhere else. 

I press down hard on the gas pedal and feel my car speed up from 60 to 70 in a second. The broken divider lines painted in the middle of the road pass faster and grow closer together. No cars are approaching from front or behind. I gun down harder on the gas and watch the speedometer hit 80. The divider lines begin to form an unbroken continuum as I accelerate. 

In the distance I see a pair of bright white headlights coming toward me. They grow bigger and brighter as they approach. My speedometer hits 90 and the oncoming headlights begin to illuminate the inside of my car.

I close my eyes.

When I open my eyes, I’m sitting in a bar at night. The only light comes in through a window pane from a tall street lamp in the parking lot. The other bar patrons are just dark silhouettes huddled together at tables spaced across the room with a few more seated at the bar. I see a staircase ascending upwards in the far corner of the room. The first few steps are dark and unlit but the next few steps are dimly lit by a light coming from upstairs. I can’t see above those steps but I want to see what’s upstairs. I stand up from my bar stool and walk toward the staircase but all the bar patrons stop what they’re doing and look at me. A lightbulb above me turns on and shines directly down on me. I must be the only visible object in the room. Everyone can see me. I know the other people are there but I can’t make out their silhouettes while the light above me grows brighter. I have to squint and shield my eyes with my hand to see in front of me. I turn back to the bar and see the bartender looking at me and whispering something to a patron sitting on a bar stool who also turns to look at me.

I walk up to them and say “I’m lost.”

They look back at me and nod their heads in unison but say nothing.

I turn back around to the barroom. The tables are still there but the people are gone. The door to the staircase is closed. I’m alone now.

I close my eyes.

I reopen my eyes and I’m back in my car with the gas pedal pressed to the floor. The speedometer passes 100 and the road dividers are now solid double parallel lines unbroken in space or time. The approaching headlights are now so close and bright that they fill the entire inside of my car. I have to look down to avoid being blinded.

I’m still lost but now I know where I am.

I jerk the steering wheel hard to the left and cross the divider lines.

All goes dark.

Francesca Miele

Fuck Haikus

Sun rises early.
HIs hard cock enters my cunt
my smile greets the light.

Hard deep and fine
I am glad his cock is mine
Puss purrs on the bed.

Cloud covers the sun
A farmer is ploughing field 
Hard cock breaks my will.

My ancient house creaks
His cock pushes me to scream
Puss perks up her ears.

Cunt or Ass or throat
The choice of venue is mine
The moon hides her face.

Bitch is lovely to be
My leash is silver and light
A dog is waiting.

Andy Seven

California Boyfriend

She said she was from London
slept and woke in the West End
I said if it pleases her pretty scarlet heart
I’ll be your California boyfriend
my heart burns like the Laurel Canyon hills
turns cold as the Santa Barbara waves
she said tell it to me softly
like the Hollywood Forever graves

I said this one died from heroin
this one died from cocaine
and this girl inhaled monoxide from her runnling car
so she didn’t feel any pain

California boyfriend
it’s all make believe
it’s not intentional
you’re not being deceived
we’re just not three dimensional

She said she came from the Deep South
the swamps sang lullabies to her in bed
I said if it pleases your pretty crimson heart
I’ll be your California boyfriend
I’m like the rolling hills of San Francisco Bay
and planetary mystery like Joshua Tree
she said tell it to me softly
why California’s the national capital of mystery

I said we kill all our history
we can be anybody you want to us to be
I’ll always be your California boyfriend
and nothing’s ever real, nothing’s ever real

California boyfriend
it’s all make believe
it’s not intentional
you’re not being deceived
we’re just not three dimensional

David Owain Hughes

Enter the Dragon

Courtney stared at the number written on the piece of paper she held in her hand, which her best friend and partner-in-crime Becky had given her. 

Dare I? she wondered, her eyes flitting to her mobile phone, which lay on the bed beside her. I mean, I was complaining pretty hard to her about the lack of action my pussy’s been getting. She sighed. Things haven’t been the same since James passed away. Not to mention this damn pacemaker I had fitted. Who has heart problems in their 30s? A widow, clearly

She closed her eyes and thought about the conversation she’d had with Becky that morning during their Monday coffee, cake and catch-up ritual. 

* * *

“Look, I know a guy,” Becky said, sat at Courtney’s kitchen table. “He’ll sort you out. Trust me,” the blonde bombshell with balloon-like knockers continued. “He’s not the brightest tool in the box, but my God . . .”

“Yeah? Hmm, I don’t know. I mean, I have my toys,” Courtney said. “And Buttons.”

“Christ, you just said you’re gagging for wood! Your tabby cat and toys can’t provide that. Dragon definitely would though.” 

Dragon? What sort of name is that?!”

Becky scoffed, rolled her eyes and laughed. “To be fair, I didn’t get it at first, but it’s because he has a giant cock.”

“Ah, like a dragon’s?”

“No, because he’s draggin’ on the floor!”

Courtney spat her coffee and howled with laughter. “Oh, you bitch, Becky,” she said, coughing and spluttering, wiping the remnants of hot drink off her chin. “I’ve never heard that expression before.”

“Honest to God, it reaches his knees. Boy’s a freak show.”

“You’re something, girl.”

“I heard he fucked a cross-eyed girl so hard once, that her eyes became straight.”

Both girls laughed.

“But he’s thick, you said. A bit slow?”

“Oh, the lad’s going backwards, he’s that slow,” Becky said. “When I first chatted with him, I told him to come over and hose me down with that giant prick of his. Unfortunately, I left out the ‘giant prick’ part in my message, thinking he’d know what I meant, but he turned up with a bar of soap and his garden hosepipe, ready to wash me down, thinking it was a kink.”  

Courtney scoffed. “Nobody’s that stupid.”

“Trust me, he is. But Jesus, he knows his way ’round a love tunnel. He screwed me inside out, and I think that’s what you need before your big trip away to Tinseltown Island.”

Courtney cupped her coffee mug and nodded. “Well, I could definitely do with loosening up.” 

“Here’s his number,” Becky said, writing it on a piece of scrap paper. “Tell him I sent you.”

“Got a photo of him?”

Becky produced her phone and began scrolling. “Pretty sure I . . . Ah-ha!” she said, turning the mobile to Courtney. “Hunk, right?”

Courtney eyed the picture, spying the large, topless and broad guy, who had shaggy blonde hair. “Beautiful.”

“Yeah, but try not to look at the dent in his head. There’s a metal plate there.”

“What happened?”

“Kicked by a feisty sheep during shearing season. Lucky to be alive, really.”

Courtney’s mouth formed a perfect O. “Poor thing. So, he’s a farmer?”

Becky nodded, eyes darting to the clock on the wall. “Shit, that the time? I need to shoot—I have a hair appointment in town,” she said, swallowing the dregs of her coffee and standing.

“Could you send me that photo, please?” 

“Sure. Must dash!”

The snapshot had pinged through to Courtney’s phone hours later as she lay in bed, and she was unable to resist breaking out her vibrator after examining the picture of the golden-haired stud. 

“Damn, those chest muscles,” she had said, imagining Dragon throwing her around the bedroom. With her free hand, she moulded her pert tit, teasing and pinching the nipple. As one part of her dildo had stimulated her clit and the other plunged her pussy, she climaxed for a fourth time. 

Spent, she lay there, thinking how much she missed sex. 

“Fuck it,” she said, reaching for the number, her hands shaking.

But, as much as she wanted to reach out to Dragon, she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it and had found herself staring at the number until the digits were seared into her brain. 

* * *

Courtney looked at the paper and thought about it again.

“It’s just sex,” she said, biting her lip, envisioning Dragon pounding away at her. A kaleidoscope of butterflies erupted in her gut, her pussy beginning to awaken for more. “Christ, I’ve got such a horny, naughty kitty-cat.” 

The fingers of her free hand slipped between her legs, her mind overtaken by an image of Dragon bending her over her bed, his tongue lashing her from back to front.  

Do it. Do it now, while you have the mind to, a voice whispered inside her head.

“It’s almost midnight,” she muttered, her breath trembling. 

Then, a wicked thought came to her: I’ll text him. Tell him there’s a key to my front door under the welcome mat outside. 

She sent the message.

With a giggle, Courtney threw the bedcovers to one side and stood on trembling legs, her thighs shaking. After steadying herself, she rushed downstairs, took her door key off the bunch, and placed it under the hessian doormat out front. 

Heart pounding, she thought for a split second about retrieving the key. No, never mind. If Becky vouched for him, that’s good enough for me

With a titter, she rushed back upstairs to see if he’d texted back. Her face lit up when she noticed the screen to her phone flashing. With a trembling hand, she opened his message: Sure, I can do that for you. See you in the morning. Dragon. Xx

Oh, God. I can’t believe I’m doing this, she thought, heading towards her shower to clean up and trim her pubes. 

When she was done, Courtney got into bed, naked, and tried to sleep. But her mind raced, thinking about waking to the touch of his rough, farming hands. His face buried between her thighs or his mouth nibbling her tits. She squirmed.  

Stop it. She turned the light off and wriggled down in her bed. I’ll never sleep at this rate, she thought, feeling her clit pulse. 

That was the last thought to cross her mind, as sleep took her. 

* * *

An acrid, choking stench awoke her with a cough. Trails of black smoke filled her bedroom. 

“The hell?” she said, bouncing out of bed, sleep and drowsiness lost. She grabbed her gown and slipped her feet into her slippers. 

Sunlight poured through her window. 

Jesus, how long have I slept

She rushed out of the room. When Courtney reached the top of the stairs, the smoke alarm located there kicked in, and she had to stand on tippy toes to turn it off.  

She ran downstairs and checked all rooms, finding nothing out of sorts until she arrived at the kitchen. Upon entering it, she spotted a plume of fumes snaking from the oven—the source of all the smoke and commotion.

Before her, sat at the table in coveralls plastered with cow shit, was the behemoth called Dragon. He tore at something ravenously.

She gasped, taking in the heinous scene. Is that . . .

It was.

She fell back against the door, the handle jabbing her in the small of her back. The wind sucked from her and she was unable to move.

Dragon held the remnants of Buttons up, snapped off one of the feline’s charred legs (which he’d stripped like a fucking piranha), and ripped into it with his teeth, devouring flesh, blood and gleaming bone as though he were eating ice-cream. 

Done with the leg, he smashed his hands into the cat’s gut, ripping and tearing, shattering the ribcage, shoving partly cooked innards and intestines into his mouth. Blood, gristle and grease splashed everywhere. His huge, chewing maw was a gory mess. 

Mmm,” he said between mouthfuls, giggling a hick-like, hiccupy laugh, which would have sounded goofy in a different scenario. Dargon licked his fingers and went back for more, pulling the tabby’s tail free and chewing through the sinew and muscle. 

Courtney wanted to vomit, her stomach twisting, as a fresh, hellish smell hit her. “What the fuck are you doing?” she screamed, her face and neck turning red, then purple. Veins protruded from her forehead. 

Pain exploded in her chest and rushed down her arm. 

“You said your pussy was naughty and unruly, that it was playing up, and that you wanted me to come over and sort it out. Teach it a lesson. ‘Eat the fucker,’ you said.” He shrugged and grinned. “Well, I am. The fucker won’t be giving you any more grief, darlin’.” 

He stuffed handfuls of Buttons into his slobbering mouth, whiskers and all, as Courtney slipped down the door she’d collapsed against.

Her heart gave out, her face twisting into a painful, frozen scream.   

Ryan Quinn Flanagan

Sex Doll Bakery

Word travels fast as bullet trains 
and hungry appetites flock to the Sex Doll Bakery,
aptly named for the 55 ft. blow up doll
mounted to the roof, so that when the customers
enter they look up at the giant gash,
feel truly inside with all those ovens going 
before the sun: cookies and croissants, date squares, Danishes
with fruit holes in the center, assorted donunts,
designer sheet cakes made to order…
a powdered sugar lust over everything,
icing fingers licked to twitching horndog oblivion,
toes curled in the shoes like unseen cream pies,
no wonder the long lines, that disposable income
throwing itself at everything; even the boys in blue 
are regulars, no crime in that!  Deep inside those 
pink throbbing walls that seem to know when
you are coming.

Mark Parsons 

Chlorine

My sister’s vagina
Comes alive
Underwater,
In the shallow end
Of our swimming pool.
The water’s not cloudy.
I can see everything
Push out between the ‘v’
Of Dad’s fingers:
The snub
Beak of clitoris
Unhooded
At the apex of yawning pink
Set in rubbery outer lips.
Dad’s on the second step, my sister on his lap.
I’m wearing my new swim-mask.
His other hand is spread out like a starfish on my head.
My sister’s legs
Outside my father’s legs,
The strip of turquoise and white swimsuit
Bunched and pulled aside
Grooves her skin where hip meets thigh.
I’ve got a snorkel
That came with the mask,
But I forget to breathe.
I kick and try to swim away,
But Dad clamps down on the back of my neck.
I’m counting hairs on his middle finger
When a speck of air
Clinging to one crinkly inner lip detaches
And zigzags to the surface.
His fingernails
Are squarish, long, and thick.
I’m wondering why he doesn’t cut them,
And why
His fingers don’t appear orange,
Like he’s been eating cheese puffs from a can,
When he begins to stroke.
I’m worried his fingernail will tear
My sister’s delicate-looking skin.
The tip of his finger inside,
My sister’s feet
Arch on the bottom step
As she rotates her hips.
I can’t tell if his finger making circles
Makes her hips
Move in circles, or vice versa.
His finger slips
Almost out, back in.
I’m breathing
Hard and biting down
Hard on the molded rubber projections
Of the snorkel’s mouthpiece.
I taste blood where the flange scrapes my gums.

Alex S. Johnson

Iron Fist

The club’s neon sign buzzed and flickered like a dying insect, casting sickly purple shadows across Joe Oroborus’s face as he watched Kandy Fontaine saunter through the entrance of Club Euphoria. Her leather jacket caught the light, transforming ordinary street grime into a constellation of sin. Behind her, Princess Cherrypop’s flame-red hair created a bloody halo that seemed to pulse in time with the industrial music bleeding through the walls.

Joe’s cybernetic hand twitched, sending sparks of pain up his arm where flesh met metal. The implant had been acting strange lately, picking up phantom frequencies, whispering things in the dead of night. Sometimes he caught himself having conversations with it, his organic fingers tracing the chrome joints while the artificial ones spelled out messages in a sign language he never learned.

Kandy noticed the spasms, her FBI-trained eyes missing nothing. “Your tech’s got the jitters again,” she said, sliding onto the barstool beside him. “Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten that upgrade from that back-alley clinic.”

Princess Cherrypop leaned against the bar, her alabaster skin almost translucent under the strobing lights. “The one run by that doctor who disappeared after the incident with the flesh cubes?”

The music shifted, became something darker, more visceral. Joe’s artificial hand clenched involuntarily, crushing his glass. Blood and bourbon mingled with shattered crystal, but he couldn’t feel the cuts. The hand was moving on its own now, fingers dancing across the bar top in precise geometric patterns. Princess Cherrypop’s eyes widened as she recognized the symbols. “Those are the same markings we found carved into the walls of the quantum computing lab after the massacre.”

Kandy pulled her service weapon, but kept it low, hidden beneath the bar. The other patrons seemed oblivious to the horror unfolding, their bodies swaying to the rhythm while reality began to crack around the edges. Joe’s mechanical fingers were leaving trails of light in the air now, tear-tracks in the fabric of space-time.

“It’s not an upgrade malfunction,” Joe managed through gritted teeth. “Something came through when they installed the new neural interface with cybernegative twisties. Something old. Eldritch, even. Something that’s been waiting in the spaces between binary code.” 

His artificial hand lunged for Kandy’s throat with terrible purpose, but Princess Cherrypop was faster. She slammed a crystalline vial onto the bar, and the air filled with ozone and the smell of burning circuit boards.

The hand froze mid-strike, trembling. Shapes began to emerge from the chrome surface, faces screaming in silicon agony, bodies twisted into impossible Möbius strips of flesh and metal. The entity that had been riding Joe’s circuits revealed itself, a thing of angles and edges that hurt the mind to look upon.

“Now!” Cherrypop screamed.

Kandy moved with the fluid grace of a killer, her gun spitting sanctified code-bullets programmed by techno-priests. The things living in Joe’s artificial hand shrieked in frequencies that shattered every screen in the club. Reality buckled as the entity tried to maintain its hold on our dimension, but the holy algorithms were stronger.

In the end, Joe’s mechanical hand lay smoking on the bar, inert but finally clean. The club’s patrons continued dancing, their minds automatically editing out anything that didn’t fit their comfortable version of reality. Kandy holstered her weapon while Princess Cherrypop swept the dead hand into her purse like it was nothing more unusual than a compact mirror.

“You’ll need a new one,” Kandy said, lighting a cigarette. “I know a guy. No demons, guaranteed. Just good old-fashioned chrome and steel.” Joe nodded, cradling his cybernetic arm. The music had returned to its regular rhythm, but underneath he could still hear echoes of that other frequency, that digital death-jazz that played in the spaces between ones and zeros. 

He ordered another drink, knowing he’d need it for what came next. After all, something had opened that door between worlds, and it wasn’t the kind of door that stayed closed for long.