Daniel S. Irwin

The Tourist

So here I am wandering strange streets
In another strange town.  Lost the tour bus,
So I started drinking.  Got a bottle of what?
From some beverage shop full of foreigners.
No, locals.  Here, for sure, I’m the foreigner.
Whatever this is, it’s kickin’ my ass big time.
Where is Rick Steves when you need him?
Now dark night and drizzling.  Stepped?  No,
Staggered into a cathedral.  Yeah, mega
House of God.  Big enough for basketball.
I’d give Him a drink but, no tellin’ what all
He’d do liquored up.  Fire from the sky,
Another plague, zero out all bank accounts,
Make black white and white black, move
Our assholes to the middle of the forehead.
Whoa, better stop before He gets ideas.

Damon Hubbs

Grievances

the bottle rockets 
landed on the neighbor’s roof
over and over 

that summer. 
It was the summer the Pearson Girls 
still climbed trees

and the men 
who worked with our father 
gathered in the backyard 

on Saturdays 
to throw horseshoes 
and drink beer

talk about the Union 
and Management 
and who was filing a grievance

and every Saturday as if on cue 
the neighbor would come out 
on his porch

pitch ringers 
about the drinking 
and the foul language 

and the goddamn bottle rockets 
that landed on his roof like memories 
of a summer long ago

Tim Frank

The Next Generation

It was Marc’s worst nightmare—at seventeen years of age a clump of hair came loose in his fist while showering. As his ginger strands slithered down the plug hole, dreams of being a normal teenager perished with them.

Marc’s father was bald as an egg and Marc knew his hair would recede too, but just not so soon, or by so much. Marc screamed over the noise of the flowing water, and then ripped apart the mouldy shower curtain.

What would people say at school? What would Carly think?

Marc lived in a sleepy seaside town where word got around quickly. Everyone knew Marc had a crush on Carly, and that despite his obsession, they’d hardly exchanged a word—he was as awkward and shy as they come.

It was rumoured Carly would take regular midnight swims, paddle out of the bay in freezing temperatures, and try to drown herself under the stars. It was well known she had taken a knife to her wrists. Everyone said she was a freak. But that only made Marc want her more—she was a lost soul, an outsider. Only Marc could save her.

One summer, Marc’s dad started taking cheap Japanese hair loss pills, bought from eBay. Marc’s mum had left him for a beefy fireman with a ponytail a few years ago. It still hurt. But there was a spark of hope as he quickly grew some imperceptible tufts of hair around his crown. That was enough for Marc to track down the pills for himself, and take double the recommended dose.

“Dad?” Marc said as they were eating toast and drinking wild redcurrant smoothies for breakfast. “When did you start losing your hair?”

“Truthfully?” Marc’s dad said, fingering his new shoots. “Your age. I see you’re suffering too. I don’t know what to say, it’s tough.”

After knocking back his smoothie, Marc found something floating in the remnants of his juice.
Marc said, “Looks like a chicken nugget.”

Marc’s dad instinctively reached for his earlobe and then excused himself from the table.
Pinching the flesh in between his fingers, Marc felt it squelch and ooze puss. He threw it out the window in disgust.

More strange things began to occur around that time. Marc discovered what looked like a mangled nostril in the recycling bin. It was surrounded by writhing maggots and tiny spiders. There was also the smell of brine and decomposing dog food wafting through the house.
Although Marc could hear his dad pad around upstairs, sometimes even groan like a stricken beast, his father mostly remained in his room and Marc decided not to disturb him.

Despite the weird goings on at home, Marc felt cheered by his hair growing back somewhat, and while sunbathing on the beach, he even caught Carly eying him up from across the dunes as she sucked on an ice lolly.

His hair must have been looking really good because something incredible happened. Carly sauntered over to Marc and as she blocked the sun, she cast a long shadow over him.

“Hi,” she said. “You’re scorched, should I rub some lotion on you?”

Marc looked up and smiled, but before he could flip his body over, he felt like ants were crawling around his chest, biting his raw skin.

Marc rolled back onto his stomach and shook his head without a word, blushing violently.

“Suit yourself,” she muttered.

Carly dropped her lolly stick in the sand and walked off as Marc inspected his body—surely he was suffering from some kind of sun stroke. But instead, he found strange lesions and mottled bloody bruises.

“Shit,” he said, looking around to see if anyone had noticed his lacerated skin. He quickly pulled on a shirt, but putrid sores soon soaked the cotton.

Thankfully, Carly had flopped onto a nearby deckchair and pulled a baseball cap down over her eyes, so Marc assumed she hadn’t noticed, but other sunbathers had begun to point and whisper.

Marc’s only option was to lay back down into the sand and suffer, and then wait for everyone on the beach to leave.

As the sun slowly set, sunbathers shook sand from their flip flops, packed up their well-thumbed books and disappeared into the night, while Marc’s skin continued to break out into vicious pustules.

As the stars peppered the clear night sky, the only person left on the beach was Carly, sitting up in her deckchair streaming music on her phone, lazily smoking a cigarette. She seemed to be staring right at Marc. He was convinced she was smiling.

Finally she packed up and left the beach, leaving a smouldering cigarette lying in the sand.
However, before he could scuttle up the steps to the carpark, a torch blinded him and he shielded his eyes, startled.

Carly said, “Stop right there.”

“Carly,” said Marc struggling to wrap a cardigan over his shoulders. “Please look away, something terrible has happened and I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Take your clothes off,” ordered Carly.

“Carly,” pleaded Marc, “I think I might love you, if we could just talk…”

“Strip, or I’ll say you raped me on the beach.”

So, Marc carried out Carly’s demand and peeled off his clothes, while she did all she could to stop herself falling into a fit of laughter.

Marc’s body clung to his clothes like sap and as he prised himself free, he let out an agonised cry.

Carly took a step closer to Marc until she could smell his odour of piss and turpentine. She reached out and touched him, felt his swollen body and exposed blood vessels.

That night the couple slipped and slid inside each other like wet seaweed. Carly licked Marc’s shredded skin and his beating veins. She gargled his fatty guts like she was feasting from a pregnant woman giving birth.

It was an orgy of sucking blisters, and chewing on succulent human flesh. Carly gently stroked Marc’s hair that was now lustrous and flowing, almost covering every portion of his scalp. For now, he had no skin but his baldness was history.

What could be better than that?

Maria Barnes

To You My Tongue

I can touch your skin again.
No, not the skin, deeper this time, 
the polished hardness of your bones. 

I can trace your eye sockets 
with my tongue and discover
every crevice, worm-worn and hollow,

I can love you again 
with my fingers buried deep in your flesh,
until the scent of your congealed blood
brings both of us back from the dead.

Judge Santiago Burdon

Favorite Things 

Dirty martinis and Cuban cigars
Fishnet  stockings on hookers
Playing my guitar.
Vacationing in Mexico 
Women without wedding rings 
Making a list of my favorite things.

Sex before Breakfast 
Out-running the cops
A judge that grants bail
Then getting bailed out.
Books by Sandra Cisneros 
And Renaissance Art,
All of these things have a special place in my heart.

But when the bars close
And I’m still sober
My dealer doesn’t answer the phone
I think on these things 
To keep from getting pissed off
And I express how I feel
in a poem.

Rock n’ Roll music and classic cars 
Rockford Files reruns  
Deep cuts that leave scars 
My probation officer not making me drop 
Dive bars bad girls and musty bookshops.

A day at Wrigley 
Watching the Cubs
Cool Tucson mornings
And falling in love
My children’s laughter 
and the first day of spring
What a great life 
having these things.

But when I’m hungover
And I’ve got warrants
Or when my car breaks down 
I think about all of my favorite things
And haul my ass out of town.

Ryan Quinn Flanagan

Bag of Foreskins

Guillermo had this great supplier out of Guadalajara.
Came through every time like a fresh nail
into seasoned wood. 

And the whole gang was over at Holland’s place.
Slamming careless darts into the board like horny 
strip club men that hadn’t been fucked right in months.

Some glacial piss beer from an overactive icebox
in the next room.

When are you finally gonna fuck the landlady 
and get around to earning a break on the rent?
Guillermo poked.

Kasparian laughed in that busy gulag way he did.
A black belt in ju-jitsu, or so he told anyone
who would listen.

Building himself up like a greasy New York skyline.
All those hours in the gym, fighting off Staph infections
and lousy cardio.

You stick anymore roids in your ass,
and that bubble butt will put out the sun,
Guillermo said.

It’s the other things he sticks in his ass 
that I’m worried about,
Holland grinned.

Kasparian was easily flustered.
Threw a dart at the board that missed everything 
but the wall a good three feet away.

Guillermo retreated to the kitchen.
To check on the goodies he left de-thawing
in the sink.

Beside those many dirtied dishes 
that never seemed to clean themselves.

When he came back,
he had an old cd case of these wobbly 
gelatinous lines.

Holland and Kasparian threw down their darts
and sat on the pull out couch.
Like easily bored children with a new toy.

Snorting lines of pure bovine ejaculate.
The ultimate high.

Guillermo went third to make sure there 
were no stragglers.

Threw his head back with that burny Jello-mold feeling.
Bovine ejaculate went straight to the frenzy-finders,  
turned you into a beast.
Made you bullish about everything.

Kasparian challenged Guillermo to a fight.
Holland flipped a table and began goring it 
with imagined horns.

***

The drive down to Mercy Hospital was a blur.
Breaking into the back trash yard with a pair 
of bolt cutters and bulging jumping bean eyes
that threatened to charge right out of the frothing
boom town stratosphere. 

And the garbage bags were set right there beside three angled dumpsters.
Filled with all those unwanted foreskins.
The many screaming baby boys welcomed to the world 
and sent straight to the chopping block.

There was an honesty in that.
No one could be surprised by the cruelty 
that came later.

Holland grabbed a bag and slammed it against Kasparian’s naked leg.
Howling with laughter as it broke apart.
All those little unwanteds flying everywhere.
The excess.

What the fuck?
Kasparian picked up a few errant foreskins
and threw them at Holland’s head.

Holland felt a sudden tap on the shoulder 
and turned to find Guillermo
holding out a bag of his own.

How much did this bag of foreskins set you back, El Presidente?
Guillermo swung the bag in a wild swooning hammer motion.

Slamming it down over Holland’s swoll raving head.
An army of squirmy mush like a sloppy skin waterfall.

Kasparian was ripping on the chain link
and howling at non-existent moons.

As Guillermo and Holland fought it out for bragging rights.
Tiny exploding foreskins shooting off in all directions.

The discarded slipping on piles of the discarded.
Stripping down and beating their chests
in mutilated hysteria.

No retreat from the dropping  
bombshell arena.

Jonathan S Baker

Duello at Dusk

Godzilla follows
black coal engine billows
battle is coming

A power far greater than atomic blasts on remote atolls
draws the titan from the depths of dark seas to stomp
across America’s untamed west. Spurs that jingle jangle
A reckoning is coming like a pale horse kicking up dust

Dracula’s coffin
bounces riding a boxcar
racing Eastern light

Karl Koweski

#satanscoredbelow850onhisSATs

on his first day of community college,
the kid wears
his best Avenged Sevenfold T-shirt
and red contact lenses.
I suppose the maroon eyes
compliment his grayish white hair.
I don’t know.
twenty years ago, I would have thought
he wanted the community college world
to know
he walked the left-handed path
lock step with Beelzebub,
and I could respect that.
I dabbled in the black arts myself
back in my youth,
dyeing my hair black
and quoting Aleister Crowley extensively.
but this kid…
I’m starting to realize
he is more interested in
masturbating to Hentai animae porn
than painting eldritch runes
on his forehead with cat’s blood.
I don’t understand this world any longer.
except to say I blame the Xbox
kids didn’t do this kind of shit
back when they
were hooked up to the 8-bit Nintendo.

Doug Hawley

Demon Therapy 

At eight O’clock on Saturday night Duke and Sally heard some thumping from the bedroom.  They climbed the stairs with baseball bats and slowly opened the door. 

They saw a couple of humanoid giants on top of each other thrashing about. 

Duke “Night Angel – you’re back.  I haven’t seen you ….“ 

Sally interrupts “And Night Monster.  You too?” 

Night Angel explained “That’s right.  The two of us helped you with your –uh-difficulties – before you got married with the workouts we gave you.  We snuck in the last few days at night.  It looks like you could use us again.  We decided to practice some of our lessons before you showed up.” 

“What do you mean?” Duke asked. 

Night Monster explained “You don’t even touch each other much anymore.  You’re too young to give up on the sexual side of life.” 

“It’s not true, Sally and I got it on just, uh when was it Sally?” 

“This year for sure.” 

“Ok, tell us this.  Can the two of you take a refresher course?” 

The humans looked at each other, thought about what they were doing up until the last couple of years and said “Sure.” 

Night Angel said “OK, let’s start with the basics.  You both work.  Try not to take anything home with you. Cut down on the alcohol and fast food.  Eat healthy food.  Get outdoors and move around as much as possible without wearing yourself out.  See if meditation will clear your mind.  Try to follow those steps for about a month before you go for more intimacy.  You have to get both body and mind in shape.  Hugging and kissing help too.” 

Ten days after the initial session a package from N. Monster and N. Angel appeared on their doorstep.  Sally picked it up and asked Duke “How do demons send packages?” 

“They must do it at night.  Maybe they have a side hustle we don’t know about and have a checking or credit account.  They wouldn’t have any trouble selling their bodies to get the cash and could have done all of their ordering at night.  Let’s see what it is.” 

The package had brightly colored manuals and toys.  A note told them to have a blast.  Over that evening and into the next morning they had used ten kilowatts of electricity powering the gadgets and made it 12% of the way through the 2021 edition of the Readers Digest Kama Sutra.  

After a couple of months, the night demons visited the humans after sunset on a Friday.  Night Angel asked if they knew what a fluffer was Duke blushed and said that he did, and Sally nodded.  Night Angel said “Each of you could act as the fluffer for the other to prepare for sex.  Suction and manual stimulation works for both brands of genitals.  Have you done that before?” 

Both humans nodded.  More to the point, Duke said “We’re ahead of you there.  We have gotten the spark back with your excellent tutelage.  We discussed this yesterday and thought that we were ready for our final exam.” 

Night Angel told them “Go for it guys.  We like to watch, just like that guy in the movies.” 

Duke and Sally performed the three act play that they had researched the previous night.  Act one, fluffing like1999 in a Little Red Corvette.  Act two, reverse cowgirl.  Act three, a temporarily exhausted Duke struggled through missionary with an equally exhausted Sally. 

Towards the end of the show Night Monster and Night Angel were on their feet cheering and clapping. 

Duke thanked them and said “There is no way we can thank you for all that you did for us, but Sally and I were thinking if you could let us get a little rest and come back a couple hours before sunrise, we could, uhh … . 

Night Angel smiled and responded “I like the way you think.  You two were always our favorite humans.”

After a couple of hours before daylight the demons returned.  Partners were traded, new ideas were tried, and all of the parties were pleased.  As was always the case the demons disappeared at daylight leaving two very happy and tired humans to sleep all day Saturday. 

When they did get up, Sally said “What a visit.  Night Demon really touched me.” 

Duke asked “Emotionally?” 

“No, all the way to the uterus, with tongue and dick.” 

Duke smiled “I hear you.  Night Angel’s tongue and lips.  Mmmmmmmmmm.” 

Sally answered the phone and listened for about a minute.  “Good news.  Our demon buddies think that they should check on us once a month.” 

M.P. Powers

The Smallest Brewery in Germany      

I have just bought 
a large brown 
beer from the smallest brewery in Germany
and am now sitting at one 
of their outside tables
across from a currywurst 
trailer. 

I get out my sketchbook. 
I get out a pencil. 
I scribble an outline 
of the two old ladies sitting to the left of me. 

They are eating sausages, 
fat ones, 
dipping them lengthwise into little sunlit pools 
of mustard. 
Dipping and chewing and talking with their mouths full. 

I start in on their hairdos, but my view is suddenly
obscured by an old man on a bicycle. 
He squeezes his airhorn to announce his arrival, 
takes off his helmet, 
starts chaining his bicycle to the pole.
Then he picks up his phone
and talks to someone. 
This lasts for quite some time, 
and when he is finished, the two old ladies 
are getting up to leave. 

I look around for someone else to draw. 
Four dour, deranged, alcoholic faces – a parody 
of Mt. Rushmore –
leer at me 
from the table against the wall.
A middle-aged waitress floats by. 
An elderly man appears in the doorway of the little brewery. 
He is wearing khaki trousers that are soaked 
about the crotch 
and down the insides of both legs. 
He has pissed himself, 
it would appear.
But it’s nothing that seems to matter.
He carries his beer toward 
the currywurst trailer
sits at a little table over there.

Next to the trailer, on a little plastic chair, 
the proprietor is sitting,
his belly resting on his lap like a medicine ball
someone has placed there.
He looks exhausted. 
He looks like he’s eaten too much of his product, 
all those sausages 
roiling around in his guts. 

I dig my eraser from my backpack, 
get rid of the old ladies,
and start where the sunlight licks the side 
of the proprietor’s fleshy
jowl. Then I get in that massive maw, 
the two little outspread legs. 

I am almost finished 
with the outline when 
this beautiful young woman
(the first shot of beauty and youth I’ve seen all afternoon)
rouses him from his plastic
chair. He stands up, lumbers lugubriously 
into his trailer which sinks a little
when he steps into it. 

He then deals her a sausage, 
a large, pale one.
And now others come, more customers,
one after another, 
a long line of Germans
anxious to be fed and I’m left 
there with my partly finished 
outline and my dark 
brown beer. 
I take a sip and forget 
about the drawing.

I write this poem instead.