Mather Schneider

Gringo

My Mexican girlfriend says she likes me
because I am not macho.
She says Mexican men are too macho,
too brutal and mean.
We are at the supermarket and I am thinking
about how earlier she had begged me
to fuck her in the ass
hard,
demanded I bite her tits
until they were bruised and
mushy plums,
how she led me
to force her to
her stomach
and squirmed until I held
her arms behind her like a vice,
how she screamed STOP
and then when I stopped she asked
me why I stopped,
how afterwards I was afraid
I hurt her
until I realized she was smiling,
and how she turned
to me and curled up in my arms
and went to sleep.
At the store I reach my hand
into the cooler
for a twelve pack of beer
which makes her frown,
not because it is beer
and that I might get drunk on it,
but because it is LIGHT beer
like I am some kind of
girly man
who sits down
to pee.

Tim Ashworth

Show Business

red carpets lit with flash bulbs,
strapless Stella McCartneys,
champagne flutes sipping adulation
stretched limousines
private planes
saggy white gorillas in 10 thousand dollar suits.
executive fantasies of painful submission:
movie careers hung on meat hooks
beaten, sliced,
sold in penthouses;
worn like cheap thongs and thigh high boots,
Call me daddy bitch
it’s all bright lights
and blow jobs baby
his hairy gut slapping bubble butts
as bee sting lips deep throat rich meat
totting up costs of fame
entertain us, they
moan at the girl
with green eyes, as she
writes receipts
for herself

Audrey El-Osta

Gaze

I see you,
staring at my tits.
So fascinated.
Nothing has changed
since last you looked.
It’s always when I wear
a dress
made for a smaller chest
that I notice it, your eyes
burrow in.
I spill over,
warm water in a tub.

Do you wonder
how deep you need to dive,
how wide you need to spread me
open by
the ribcage to find my heart?

You have far to go
through my bare, naked armour

into me.

Ben Newell

you could be ted bundy

I’m outside the bar,
trying to summon a cab
with my device,
but the cabbie says
he’s not in the area,
so I click off
and, fairly drunk, approach
a pair of college girls
sitting on the
curb—

“I’ll give you forty dollars
if you give me a ride home.”

They laugh
and one of them
says, “I thought you were going
to pay us to make out.”

“That’s not a bad idea,”
I say.

They ultimately
decline: “You look like a nice guy
but for all we know
you could be Ted Bundy.”

And they’re right;
I could be Ted Bundy,
perhaps I’m a late bloomer—

Walking away
without sharing my obsession
with all things Ted,
that I’ve read every book
worth reading,
studied the man and
his crimes,

know the story up
and down and am
actually somewhat
of an authority.

Hell, I even write poems
about Ted,
some of which have been
published in small underground
zines.

No,
I don’t say a word about
any of this
before moseying off
to call a different cab,
feeling less like Ted
than ever,
disgusted by my utter lack
of charm and charisma.

He wouldn’t have taken no
for an answer,
not in this parking lot
and certainly not later
when he removed his
mask.

A.R. Braun

Mind Fuck

What was before
The universe was created?
Was God alone?
Exasperated?

Before the universe
There was nothing
My mind can’t take it
There had to have been something!

Our small brains
Can’t comprehend
The beginning
Any more than the end

God was alone
In an all-dark zone
Losing his mind
Before there was light

Now his piggies
We get fucked with
Raped and insane
Then done away with!

God’s a writer
And we’re protagonists
The book’s hell-on-earth
All around us: antagonists!

The epilogue’s Hell
After many spells
On our heads
From Satanists

Luke Kuzmish

Sephanie

I looked for you
in empty cigarette packs
your brand or not
packs on the sidewalks
dropped, forgotten, or littered

I looked for you
in round faces of blondes
pumping $5 of gas
wearing boxy glasses
in methadone morning

just the same
I looked for you on line
at the clinic
where you might give
strangers a ride
because your robust
rust belt heart
always bleeds a little

I looked for you
in the passing cars
sleek and black
bumping tunes
reminds you
of your dead friend’s
funeral

I looked for you
in sweat dreams
in bad days
in loaded nights
in all the right places
to find the wrong things

R.J. Roberts

Massive Retard Dong

Mrs. Awaited the next thrust, laying on her back in the bed as the massive strange dick rammed deeper into her.

“Choo-choo!” he said as he thrust.

“Aw yeah! FUCK yeah!” Mrs. responded.

“I’mma choo-choo in’a tunnel!” he said.

“You’re goddamn right you are!” Mrs. said as she grunted in ecstasy.

Had she been paying attention to anything but the fourteen inches of idiotic dong slamming into her, she might have heard her husband’s car pull in the garage, the front door slam shut, the footsteps coming up the stairs, the out loud complaint of, “You didn’t sweep today either, huh, you lazy bitch?” and the turning of her bedroom doorknob.

(Note from author, at this point while writing the story I received a phone call from a crying person informing me that my grandfather just died. I immediately continued writing this)

The door opened, and in walked Mr. in his sweat stained suit and tie. He stood, looking at the googly eyed, drooling imbecile that was mounted on top of his wife. They both blinked as they looked at each other.

“I’mma choo-choo!” ‘tardy said.

Mr. stared at him in disbelief, then looked down to his wife.

“Um, yeah….he’s a choo-choo. Hi hon.” she said and gave him a meek, guilty half smile.

Mr. blinked once more, then in a flurry of motion he jumped onto the bed, swinging a wild flailing punch into train boy’s left eye, then a knee to his chest, knocking him off his wife, off the bed, and onto the floor. Mr. jumped on top of him, sinking his knees into choo-choo boy’s shoulders, pinning his arms down, as he unloaded a tornado of punches into his dopey face.

Now bloody, still smiling, Mr. grabbed train boy by the neck, pulling him up as he stood, shaking him so that his oversized retarded head rattled like a bobble head. “What do you got to say now, motherfucker?” Mr. growled as he squeezed tighter.

“Ugh…” train boy grunted in pain. “Choo…choo…” he struggled to say, as his blood dripped out of his mouth.

“Oh yeah? Well can trains fly, huh asswipe?” Mr. growled in fury, as he dragged the boy over to the bedroom window, flung it open and tossed the poor ‘tard out.

“choo…CHOO!” Mr. and Mrs. heard him scream as he flew downwards, followed by a wet and boney splat as his head collided with the concrete driveway, cracking open and scattering what scant brains he had.

Mr. turned and glared at his wife with accusing, furious eyes.

“So…how was work?” Mrs. asked, sheepishly smiling.

“You fucking…” Mr. growled, shaking his head in fury. “…How could you?”

“Aw, come on hon, I mean…I just met him at the park, and he liked talking about petting zoos and coloring books and I thought that was sweet,” she said.

“Oh my god…” Mr. said, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples.

“And it’s like, I saw that thing just bouncing around in his pants the whole time…and I dunno, I just couldn’t help myself!”

“What…what thing?” Mr.’s eyes snapped open.

“You didn’t see it? I mean, that fucking mong was packing at least fourteen inches, probably more!” she said, her eyes becoming wide and she held up her hands as if measuring a fish to give him a general idea of the size.

Really?” He said and blinked. He turned around and looked out the window, down at the body now laying in his driveway, the pool of blood forming around its crushed retarded head, and the prominent fourteen inch erection still strongly protruding from its crotch.

“Jesus,” he said.

“Yeah, I mean, sorry hon but I can’t just pass on something like that!” Mrs. said. “I mean, and I thought real hard about this too, but I don’t think it’s considered cheating if it’s with a retard!”

He pulled his head out of the window, reluctantly ripping his fascinated gaze from the magnificent retard dick in his driveway, and looked back to her. “Huh,” he grunted, mulling her reasoning over in his head.

“I mean, he was basically just a dick with a tiny little brain attached to it. Like, it’s not cheating if it’s with a dildo, and I bet you most dildos have a smarter brain working them than he had! So come on…don’t be mad!” she pleaded.

“What uh, what was all that about choo-choos?” he asked.

“Oh that, well that’s how I had to explain it to get any sort of a decent hump out of his dumb ass,” she said.

“Hmm,” Mr. grunted, as he looked back out the window at Dumbo’s giant erect dick which was finally starting to deflate as the blood drained out of his crushed head. “You think umm…umm…well….I guess it’s a shame he’s dead now cause like…” he said.

“Well, I mean, we could find another one, I did a little research online, most of them are supposed to have big retarded dorks like that,” she said. “Why, what are you thinking?”

“Umm, well, I was just like thinking….I dunno, I mean…it’s…it’s not gay if it’s with a retard, right?” he asked.

“Oh, no way! Totally not!” she said.

“And uh….we can kill the next one too, right?” he asked.

“Oh no problem, yeah! I mean I don’t think it’s even murder if it’s a retard either!”

“And uh…let’s get Chinese too,” he said.

“You want a Chinese retard?” she cocked her head in confusion and asked.

“No! Chinese food! How the hell do you expect to find a hung Chinese retard? You dumb bitch!” he said.

“See…now this is exactly what the therapist is always talking about. I’m working with you here, I’m negotiating, I’m actualizing your needs, and you are always downgrading my worth!” she started up with the dumb bullshit she learned in therapy.

“Ok whatever, shut up!” he cut her off. We’ll talk about it later, let’s just go fuck and kill another retard then get Chinese food, before it gets dark!”

“Ok hon,” she smiled. “Oh, you want to see if we can find one named Chu?”

He glared at her.

“Aw come on, that was funny! Ok screw it, let’s just get going,” she said and off they went. K, whatever, done, finit, enfin, I got to go to a goddamn nursing home and look at a dead old man now, later.