How I Spent My Puerto Rico Vacation
The Territories were dying. I still had bills to pay.
An offer was made. I accepted. I imagined Paradise.
Not so much. It wasn’t Hell. It was Hotter.
No AC. I was sweating after the Sun went down.
Blame the Equator not the Promoter.
Rough crowds? Are you kidding?
I was the All-American, chiseled, good-looking,
Spit on this third-world country, its ugly women,
Uglier children, and their inedible food.
Great country for Savages and the In-bred.
Great promo for a heel, but;
At the venue, dealers sold rocks for a nickel,
More for a dollar. Some fans brought their projectiles.
The kids had great aim. Adults not too shabby either.
Rocks, bottles, batteries, and cups of piss.
As a heel, that equaled Success.
My favorite tag-team partner, not mentioned in interviews
Or promos, the Puerto Rico Heroin was like a hot tag.
The Ultimate Comeback; while it lasted.
I survived My Puerto Rico Vacation.
Some didn’t.
Horror Sleaze Trash 