Meat the Messiah: s01e04 – Remembering the Dead
down at the la brea tar pits, joe camel is with his 16 year old daughter, jenny camel. he lights up a smoke and offers her one.
jenny: i have my own.
she pulls out a pack of american spirits.
joe: i won’t tell your mother you’re not smoking our brand.
jenny: your brand, dad! i’m my own person!
joe: i don’t want to fight. i have something to tell you.
jenny (annoyed): what.
joe: i have cancer. it’s all over. doctors are at a loss to explain it. i should be in peak health.
jenny: are you going to die?
joe: yes.
jenny: good! i hope you fucking rot.
joe: how can you say that?
jenny: you were never there for me and mom. you were always out smoking and being cool. but you never had time to smoke with me.
joe: i don’t have much time left, but i want to make it right. will you let me do that?
jenny: no. fuck you.
a procession of war dead march down wilshire blvd.
jenny: what is it, dad?
joe: our fallen heroes… great americans who died in the line of service.
jenny: imperialist swine?
joe: no. fuck you.
***commercial break***
tonight, on a very special friends, monica becomes a nazi. if that wasn’t enough, joey and phoebe join the falun gong. will friendship be enough to save the gang from cults? tonight at 8/7 central.
***
the procession of war dead moves through los angeles like a sobering annoyance, greatly lengthening commute times. jordan peterson and kanye west are on a man date to see a film about the holocaust. they are waiting in line for tickets outside.
peterson: i can’t wait to see all of the atrocities.
kanye: death to the jews!
peterson: i wish i was black so i could be as racist as you.
kanye: you could always wear shoe polish on your face and eat watermelon and fried chicken. then people would think you’re black and you can be racist too!
peterson: that’s not a bad idea!
the procession goes past. jorpan peeperson and yeezy stare at the the caskets draped with flags. peterson begins bawling his eyes out.
kanye: be cool man.
peterson: i’m just so moved by their sacrifice.
kanye: what do you care? you’re canadian.
peterson: everyone knows that american lives are the most important lives. and soldier lives are the third most important kind of american lives, behind white children and white women. these are just facts.
kanye: yeah i know. but you don’t have to cry like a bitch about it.
chunk: fag!
***commercial break***
the last woman on earth goes to the old supermarket. there are vultures and flies in the meat market. the produce section is reduced to mulch. there is grass growing in the canned foods aisle. all that’s left is canned anchovies and deviled ham. the woman considers her options and grabs the anchovies.
deviled ham: the last thing you eat.
***
the eyes of the surveillance state look away from the war dead. the street cameras don’t want a reminder of what freedom costs–their video feed going straight into the eye of washington. that glazed cornia has only itself to blame.
down rodeo drive, the sound of rage against the machine can be heard blasting from car speakers. hulk hogan and ronald mcdonald roll up in the cadillac, blocking the procession. ronald mcdonald, riding shotgun, pulls out his shotgun, and points it at the soldier pallbearers.
the cops watch this scene unconcerned. ronald mcdonald blasts one of the soldiers in the face. the cops do nothing.
hulk: why aren’t the cops doing anything?
ronald mcdonald: i have a license to kill anyone who’s not a millionaire.
hulk: that’s killer brother!
ronald mcdonald (to the troops): we need four caskets! 2 for us, and two for our beer!
the first 4 caskets oblige and empty 4 corpses onto the street, to bake in the california sun, leaving 5 bodies as the cadillac is towed away. they have a new ride now.
credits roll.
***
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