Meat the Messiah: s01e03 – A Breath of Fresh Air
on the warner bros backlots, bukowski gives slurred and blurry directions. left here, right there, wait back up, never mind keep going. they linger to hoot and gawk at a group of chorus girls, then back to the task at hand.
hulk hogan takes out his hog to examine his wounds. the necrosis is spreading rapidly. he has a half-dead dick, and it smells like old meat.
bukowski: there it is.
there’s a large machine that says ‘wind machine’ in an unassuming font. they stop the car and get out. there is a slight breeze.
hulk hogan, elvis, ronald mcdonald, and bukowski get out their respective guns and shoot down the wind machine with all their power.
a man, who is really me, the devil, in disguise, runs up and yells at them to stop.
man: what are you doing?!
hulk: we’re ending the wind, brother!
man: why?!
elvis (to the boys): why were we doing this again, man?
ronald mcdonald: so we can shoot stuff.
hulk: but we shot stuff anyway, brother.
bukowski: this seems kind of dumb.
they lower their guns. there isn’t a breeze anymore. it feels warmer.
man (who is really me, the devil, in disguise): it’s going to take me weeks to get more parts for this here wind machine! i hope you boys are happy with yourselves.
the 4 assailants look down in shame.
***commercial break***
a noid sits in a darkened warehouse that is empty, save for a twin mattress, a folding chair and a table. on the table are a glass, a bottle, an ashtray, a pack of marlboros, and some photos of a pizza. in the back of the warehouse is a large plastic curtain on a runner, beyond which, who knows. the noid looks at the photos and takes a long drag off his cigarette. he knows what he has to do. he gets in his car and drives off. he swerves as he drives. he’s still a little drunk, but he has to do the job. he parks his car directly in the path of the delivery driver. the driver stops, and that’s when the noid jumps out of the bushes with a gun and shoots the driver between the eyes. he drags the pizza crying to his car. the pizza is bound, gagged, and drugged, and thrown in the trunk. the pizza struggles against it all but there’s no point. it soon succumbs to the drug and passes out. the pizza wakes up strapped to a chair. the noid says, go ahead and scream. i like it when they scream.
***
hulk hogan, the perfect american, stands on hollywood boulevard, watching the parade of war dead; dozens of caskets, draped in american flags, carried by soldiers, making their way past the filth and flourish of tinseltown.
hulk is moved by the sight and a single tear forms. a 12 year old kid sees this. it’s chunk from the goonies.
chunk: fag.
hulk: fuck you kid.
a flurry of shutters clacking and flash bulbs bursting capture hulk extending his middle finger at a kid.
hulk, elvis, ronald mcdonald and bukowski go their separate ways.
there should be rain to atmospherically punctuate the scene, but there’s still no wind.
credits roll.
***
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