Gregg Norman

Oh, Grow Up

The Easter Bunny doesn’t lay eggs,
not even the pink fuzzy one
with the drum on his tummy
and Energizers up his ass.
The Tooth Fairy deals in used body parts,
cheating children out of their 
pearly whites for chump change.
Santa’s been bitching for years
about the quality of the edibles
and the room temperature dairy products
you cheap bastards leave out.
I’d bet St. Patrick was an alky who saw
more snakes than he drove out of Ireland.
Now he’s just an excuse for green beer,
and how sad is that?
Only the Christmas Turkey
gets his just desserts
with a Yule log, spiked eggnog,
and fisted stuffing.