DAY 4 IN HELL
the little fairies keep digging holes in my yard
and the sun is always setting but never leaves
i step outside on the porch and light my cigarette
and inhale, and inhale and inhell, and inhale
until it’s all gone
“dont you guys have someone else to bother?”
“you’re the favorite!”
the pink fairy says to me
in that annoying voice
the other fairies hoist their shovels in the air
and chant
“favorite boy! favorite boy!”
i go back inside
and watch some television
but every channel just shows the same movie
of some detective slowly realizing
that he’s the one committing all the murders
it’s my favorite movie ever
but i can’t remember how it ends
DAY 12 IN HELL
the fairies have started hunting the stray cats
in the neighborhood and burying them in my yard
i asked them to stop
but they tell me
it’s ok to break
the things that no one wanted
so they keep smashing the
kittens with the shovels
and i keep eating stale popcorn
and smoking and
everytime i run out
i just reach inside my coat pocket
and just like that
another pack of maralboro light 72’s
just like mother used to smoke
i’d hear these crooked caws coming
from the bathroom
and when i pushed open the creaky door
there’d she’d be
submerged in a bath of wine
just one hand dangling over the side
holding a cigarette
she’d raise her shriveled head
from her slumber
the crimson juices
sloshing over the sides of her shell
she’d say
“you think you’re so special, don’t you?”
no, mother
“that’s why you left me here to drown again, didn’t you?”
no, mother
“and now look at you. you’re just as ugly as me now, aren’t you?”
yes, mother
DAY 17 IN HELL
little sprouts have teased
their hungry fingers through
the mounds in the backyard
the fairies bring cute little
flower pot cans and water the mounds
“what the hell are you doing?”
i ask the pink one
“we’re growing tomatos”
she says, with a big ugly smile
“i hate tomatos”
i tell her
all the fairies stop their busy work
and chattering and hums
and stare at me
…
“we’re growing tomatos”
she says
“why?”
i ask
“because you said you loved them”
she says
“things change”
i say
so anyways i go back inside
and start making a tuna fish sandwhich
when the pink fairy hands me a tomato
“for your sandwhich”
she says
i cut the tomato into thick slabs
and each slice seems to satisfy the fairy
i slather the bread with mayo
and grab a pinch of flakey salt
to season the tomatos with
but she screeches
“though shall not! though shall not”
so i lick the salt off my fingers
and place the tomatos
on the sandwhich
and take a bite
“see? tomatos are your very favorite”
she says
i take another bite
“a big tomato for the big boy”
she says
i finish the sandwhich
in one big bite
“oh wow. so tasty right? because you love tomatos”
she says
“yea, i do actually”
i say
she giggles with glee
and then i notice
that her pink complexion
is really nice
almost like a tomato
DAY 49 IN HELL
a demon has come to check my progress
he sits in the recliner
that doesn’t recline
and writes down notes
as the silence rolls
like heads down a hill
*ahem*
“so jessie, do you know why i’m here?”
he asks
“i assume to shove archaic weapons in my ass. or maybe do that one thing with the rats and the bucket. you know what i’m talking about?”
i ask
“i have no idea what you’re talking about”
he says
“no worries then”
i say
he crosses his leg over the other
and puts his hands over the other
over his knee
“jessie…”
he says
“yea?”
i say
“where are your fairies?”
he asks
–
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! ahhhhhhhhhhh!
uhuugk!
the blue fairy screams
as i slice into her
surprisingly thick belly
and let all the juice come out
it reminds me of my uncle
when he’d get stuck with me
because cps put mother back in rehab
and put me back with uncle
he’d slice the brandywine tomato
and he’d tell me you gotta take
out all the pulp
“that’s the guts of the tomato, nobody likes guts”
he said
we’d sit on his floral print couch
eating tomato sandwhiches
and we’d watch his favorite movie
about a detective who’s
trying to stop a serial killer
but to be honest
i can’t remember how it goes
–
“jessie, hello?”
the demon says
“hi”
i say
“where did your fairies go?”
he asks again
“they made tomatos”
i say
“jessie, did you eat all your fairies?”
he asks
“i did not eat all my fairies”
i say
“did you eat the pink one?”
he asks
“i might have tasted the pink one”
i say
DAY 86 IN HELL
i’ve been remodeling the house
for the past few weeks
i tried to talk the demons
into letting borrows some tools
to get the job done
but they keep trying to make
everything about
“emotional recovery” and
“rehabilitation”
so
sometimes you just gotta roll up the sleeves
and get it done yourself
i run as fast i can
thud….thud…thud..thud.thud.thud thudthud!
i gain acceleration across the hardwood floor
and throw myself into the wall
i check my elbow and forearm
to see how many scabs i’ve opened up again
but it’s not so bad
i get up and start punching
and exposed 4×4 of pine
“boy”
the pink fairy calls to me
“oh hey there, what’s up?”
i ask
“that is not how”
she says
“you think so? i’m really enjoying myself though.”
i say
she just stares at me
with that wide eyed, petrified gaze she’s had
ever since i cut off her hand and ate it
“don’t worry i know what i’m doing”
i tell her
and it’s true
i used to work for my dad
when i dropped out of highschool
he had some rental properties
and even though we didn’t really know each other
he’d pay me to do some cleaning and painting
i thought this was the ground floor
of having a relationship with him
so i started asking about going over to his house
or maybe hanging out somewhere
but one day i was pulling weeds
at his property on jackson
when he rolled up in his tahoe
“hey jessie, i got your voicemails”
he shouts to me from the porch
“oh”
i say
“unfortunately, i’d like to keep things professional for now, ok?”
he shouts
“ok, dad”
i say
“so that means you can’t keep inviting me places, and you can’t keep calling me dad, ok?”
he shouts
“ok”
i say
“and i’ll go ahead and leave you ten dollars extra for all your hard work today. sound good champ?”
he shouts
“ok”
i say
later that night
i ate at my favorite restaurant
burger king
and had a whopper jr
and that whopper jr
was the worst whopper jr
i had ever had
i was so distraught
about having wasted the ten dollars
he gave me, on such a horrible meal
that i went back and asked for my money back
which they refused
so i pulled out uncles gun
and robber burger king
for the ten dollars
that my dad had given me
just to be nice
“boy”
pink fairy says
i push face off the floor
and have to really push
cause the dried up blood
has basically glued me to it
i feel some ripping as i push
and sit myself up against what’s
left of the wall
“this is for you”
she says
she hands me
a whopper jr
“eat it, please”
she says
“shut up you stupid bitch”
i scream
and i chase her down
and cut off her other hand
and eat that instead
MY LAST DAYS IN HELL
with all the walls knocked down
and the big black vortex swirling
in the backyard, i sit where the
living room used to be and just
take it all in
the pink fairy just watches me
with those unblinking eyes
“isn’t it beautiful”
i tell her
i sigh
get up
and walk over to the vortex
“boy, this is not how”
the pink fairy says
but i keep walking forward
the ripping and gurgling sounds
drowning everything else out
so close now i can feel my essence
slowly leaking away from me
and staring into the depth of the pit
it’s so frightening that the adrenaline
of it all becomes a fuel pushing me forward
“boy, do not”
the pink fairy yells
she stands just behind me
“it’s so intoxicating”
i tell her
“that is the bad thing, please do not”
the fairy yells
i look back into the pit
and reflect
–
my dad never bailed me out of jail
in fact, he didn’t take a single one of my calls
after a month in jail waiting for the trial
i wound up getting released
on the condition i complete
6 months of state provided counseling
i only made it to a single counseling session
and when i got home
uncle asks me how it went
“good”
i say
“hey, you wanna help me finish up dinner?”
he asks
he’s making burgers and tots
so i wash my hands and he has
me start prepping the gauc
“so what did you guys talk about?”
uncle asks
” my mom, i guess”
i say
“yea? what else?”
he asks
“and my dad.”
i say
“that fucking asshole. i knew i shouldn’t have let you get involved with him. i’m sorry kid”
he says
i cut the tomatos into small bits
to into the gauc
“well what else? did it help to get some things off your chest?”
uncle asks
“yea, it helped me put some things into perspective”
i say
“well hey, that’s something ain’t it? hey after you cut the onions could you go start the grill.”
he says
later that night
holding the chefs knive
uncle gave me for my 16th birthday
i start panicking
what if it could be different
what if it hurts
what if this is it
i remember what the therapist said
when i told her i was having suicidal thoughts
she said
“that’s the bad way to deal with your stressors”
oh
i guess it is, isn’t it
the pink fairy tries to hold my hand
with her little stubs
“favorite boy, listen”
she says
“everybody always says, there’s a better way”
i tell her
“but i’m not looking for better, i’m looking for the best”
tears swell in her eyes
“i’m sorry please, do not go boy”
she pleads
i kneel down
and wipe the tears from her face
“all the sorries in the world can’t change the way salt tastes”
i tell her
“what?”
she asks
“well, some things are the way they are. the sky is blue, hell is the worst, and i never should have existed.”
i tell her
“wrong, boy is wrong. we can try another way, please”
she says
“you want me to be happy?”
i ask her
she shakes her head yes
“you want me to fix myself?”
i ask her
“yes boy, that is the good thing”
she says
“well, that’s what i’ll do then”
i say
she smiles
like she used to
145 days ago
and thats when i kiss her goodbye
and run into the vortex
a portal
to someplace,
something better
Horror Sleaze Trash 