Mather Schneider

The Christening  

Pedro is on his way to his baby’s baptism
after working all morning throwing mud 
on cement blocks.
He gets fender-bended on Alameda 
by a drunk Yaqui in a shit-colored bug with a door missing
but he doesn’t have time to fuck around
and just lets it go. 
When he shows up 5 minutes late to the church
the preacher slams the door in his face,
dead-bolts it. 
He’d warned people not to be late
and of the fires of hell.
Pedro is locked out and the rest of us are locked in.
Pedro’s wife Yolanda is with the baby in the front row
with all the other mamas and papas and babies. 
It’s 108 degrees.
Preacher man won’t turn the air conditioning on. 
Nobody knows what his deal is.
Hand fans are going wild,
babies are crying,
murmurs and whispered protests fester in the pews.
Yolanda is pissed at Pedro and preacher man too.
Pedro stands outside yelling and pounding on the door, 
the whole world can hear,
Pedro with hard hands and cement on his pants.
Preacher man does his thing with the babies,
mumbles the words and flicks the holy water
like you’d flick an ant 
all in an orderly assembly-line manner.
Then preacher man splits out the back 
through a secret exit.
A eunuch lackey finally unlocks the front doors
and we all flood outside
where Yolanda hands the baby to Felipe
and slaps Pedro on the left cheek hard.
Each family paid 500 dollars for the ceremony
and there are now 20 new babies in stinky old Hermosillo
waiting to be embraced by the great unknown.